The Doom of Konohagakure
by Shke Behet
Summary: Sasuke stared in shock as he realized one of his main fangirls had been picked off by a short foreign girl. He looked towards Charlie, who was trying to pounce on a beetle she could give to Shino, as she hit her head on a rock. Crackfic.
1. Middle Earth and Star Trek equals Ninjas

A/N: RAFT is back again with another crazy installment of the Misadventures of the Misuse of Ruby Slippers! For those of you that most likely have no idea who we are, read my bio! A full explanation of any masked vigilantes you see in this fic will be explained there. Also, read my bio for a full definition of RAFT, which will confuse you unless you know what it is. Oh, and do not try what we do in these fics at home. We are professionals.

This takes place about six years after the beginning of the series, they saved Sasuke, and Orochimaru is still at large. Just so ya'll don't get confused.

RAFT tip of the day: Watch out for old perverted ninjas. You never know when they are spying on you at the bathhouse. Protect your modesty. Wear a towel.

IF YOUR WONDERING ABOUT THE DRYER OR RUBY SLIPPERS: The dryer is what we use to travel to different places. Way cheaper than plane tickets. As for the ruby slippers, my compadre has a fic under her name called A Pair of Ruby Slippers in which we get the ruby slippers off the internet. Just to clear that up.

Middle Earth + Star Trek Ninja?

"Quick turn left!" Currently two trouble-causing teenage girls were being chased by an angry mob composed of offended orphans. One hour earlier...

"Charlie are you sure this is going to work?"

"Of course Alex all we have to do is pose as orphans and then we can get the free cheesecake at their convention." Slowly the pair of girls crept into the convention hall bent on getting cheesecake. Suddenly they were stopped by security.

"Hey you two! What are you doing here?"

"Uh, we're here for the convention."

"How do I know that?" Thinking quickly the short brunette, also known as Charlie, came up with an impressive plan...cry.

"Oh why must the world be so cruel, all I wanted was to be with people like me! Oh, people who felt my pain! Why? Oh why?"

"Okay kid calm down. I'm sorry go on in." Charlie looked over to the tall red head and did her victory pose before going in.

"See Alex I told you it would work. But who knew orphans were so protective of their cheesecake?" The girls headed over to the food table and began eating cheesecake. When suddenly Alex's cell phone rang. Without thinking Alex answered it and began a conversation.

"Yeah okay, bye mom." Charlie stared in horror as Alex utterted those last words, as the convention of orphans circled around Charlie and Alex. "Oh Charlie remind me to pick up milk for my mom. Charlie? Charlie what's with the look?"

"You idiot you just blew our cover. RUN!"

Which brings us back to the present...

"We're almost to my house, if we make it, we can hide in my basement." The two girls dodged orange construction cones and turned onto Alex's street. Just as they were turning onto her driveway, Charlie pitched forward, sprawling on the ground.

"What the hell? Who threw the freaking soup bowl?" One of the random orphans raised their hands. "Oh." With that, she and Alex darted into Alex's basement.

"Hurry to the dryer."

"But I've got the ruby slippers right here. Why can't we-"

"NO! Charlie to the dryer!"

"Screw that I'm using my slippers." As Charlie was struggling to put on her shoes Alex was trying to open her dryer door and set the cooridinates, the orphans caught up with them. Charlie panicked and tripped into Alex causing both of them to tumble into the dryer. A sonic boom threw all the orphans backward, and with a flash of light, they disappeared.

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"Rasengan!"

"Chidori!"

"Shit, it's not working, what do we do?" Naruto and Sasuke leapt back, panting and bruised. They had thrown everything they had at this guy, and yet he didn't seem affected at all. What were they doing wrong? The only open spot in his defenses was right above his head, but they couldn't get close enough to get a hit! Sakura looked over from her place by Sai, who was wounded when he took a hit for her. Thank god for her training, being able to heal people really was the best battle defense.

"Okay, one more time." Naruto and Sasuke took off once again, about to use their signature attacks one more time, when a most peculiar thing happened. A flash of white light appeared in the sky above their mysterious enemy. Shielding their eyes, they squinted to see what looked like two screaming people fall from the sky, landing right on said mystery enemy. They blinked. That was unexpected.

"Ow, Charlie you're crushing my spleen."

"I think I broke something." Sasuke blinked. Did those girls just save them? Currently, the red-headed one was trying to untangle her legs from the shorter brunette, but failed miserably and fell on her face onto their crushed enemy, who they paid no attention to. He looked over at Naruto, who had fallen over from shock, then turned to look at Sakura and the unconscious Sai, the former who sweatdropped. Okay, apparently this one was up to him.

"Hey, you two." He began walking toward them, deeming them safe to approach from their present behavior, which consisted of arguing over who was going to buy the cheesecake, whatever the hell that was. Now the brunette was making wild arm gestures, and finally managing to stand up, began stomping off. The red-head yelled after her, calling her a short oompa-loompa or something, and managed to once again fall over after once again attempting to stand. By now he was getting very annoyed, considering they had completely ignored him, and since he was standing right next to them, that really said something about their observational skills, or lack of.

"Hey, you two foreigners, where do you think you're going?" Both turned to stare at him with wide eyes. He stared back. They had very round eyes, they certainly weren't from any country he'd ever heard of.

"Huh, who are you?" The redhead stopped and stared at Sasuke and blinked. Why was she in a forest; she was hoping to end up in Middle Earth, not some dumb forest. Shit.

"Hey, Charlie where were you aiming?"

"Huh, oh I was shooting for the Enterprise. Hey, this isn't the bridge, and he isn't Scotty."

"God damn it I hate it when this happens. Next time we check with each other to make sure we're going to the same place. This sucks, I was hoping for Legolas." Naruto, after finally regaining enough composure, got up and began yelling at Alex and Charlie.

"Hey who do you two think you are? We've been battling that creep forever and you two show up out of nowhere and fall on him and kill him! Well I'm Naruto Uzamaki, and I'm not gonna be shown up by a couple of girls. Believe it!" They both stared at him for a second, then started walking away.

"I'm starving, do you think they have some place around here where we can get some cheesecake? We missed out earlier."

"Yeah that sounds good...ow!" Charlie rubbed the back of her head, then turned back to Naruto with a glare.

"What the hell? I just wanted some fricking cheesecake."

"Well I want you two to fight me. You're not getting off the hook so easily." They looked at each other, then turned back to him.

"Nah, we're hungry, we don't feel like fighting right now, maybe later." Alex waved him away dismissively and was about to leave, when he appeared in her face.

"You aren't leaving just like that! How do we know that we can trust you huh?" Alex and Charlie looked at each other, then turned back to him, smiling.

"You don't."

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"You were chased down by orphans who wanted to punish you for trying to steal their cheesecake, then used your mystical moon powers to escape and ended up here? Why do I not believe that?" Kakashi stared at the two of them with a bored expression on his face. Well, there was no doubt they were foreigners, but from a different world? Hardly. "I'm afraid if you want me to believe you, you're going to need some proof. How do we know you're not spies from an enemy village?"

"Cause we're super cool and amazing." He rolled his eyes. Now that reminded him of a certain crazy black-haired man who ran around in a green jumpsuit. Maybe he should introduce them.

"I meant physical proof. If you're from another world, show us something from it. Or better yet, your supposed mystical powers." Charlie and Alex looked at each other nervously, before Charlie's eyes brightened enthusiastically.

"I know, here's my copy of Phantom of the Opera. Look at it and be amazed." She tossed the worn book at him, and he paged through it absently, before frowning.

"I've never seen a written language like this before. You can actually read it?" Charlie looked insulted.

"Of course I can! I will read it for you, give it back." She opened the book randomly, then puffed up her chest and recited solemnly. "The opera ghost really existed, he was not as was long believed, a creature of the imagination of the artists, the superstition of the managers, or the produ..."

"Okay, okay, I get the point, you can stop. That's a weird book." Charlie almost screamed.

"Weird? WEIRD? That is the most amazing book in the world! How dare you insult it, you old gray-haired man! You know nothing!" Everyone sweatdropped. Kakashi smiled sheepishly and put his hands up in defeat.

"Just kidding." Everyone sighed in relief. "It's the weirdest book I've ever heard of." With a roar, Charlie launched herself at him, only to be tackled by Alex. She pinned her arms behind her in an attempt to restrain her, but ended up getting wacked in the head. By now everyone had backed up slowly, eyes wide. These girls were weird. There was no other word for it.

"Apologize please! She's going to break off my arm." Alex glared up a Kakashi, who put a hand behind his head nervously.

"Alright, I'm sorry. Just don't do it again." At that she stopped, giving him a strange look. The two of them stood up then, seemingly only just noticing the other people in the room, and laughed nervously. Alex spoke up uncomfortably.

"Um, so, do you think we could maybe stay here for awhile? Considering I couldn't bring the dryer with me, I don't think we can get back." Kakashi's eyebrows went up.

"I thought you got here using your mystical moon powers."

"I did."

"With a dryer?"

"Yes." Alex looked at him solemnly, before turning to Charlie, an alarmed expression on her face. The short brunette had suddenly started off towards the door, shoving a random ninja out of the way. "Hey, where do you think you're going?"

"Duh, to get cheesecake. This place is boring." Alex gaped wordlessly as she just strolled out of the room. Tsunade snapped out of it and sent an unfamiliar ninja to spy on her and make sure she wasn't causing trouble. Meanwhile Alex fell to her knees on the floor.

"Why Charlie why? Is it because I landed on your leg? Is that it? Fine then, I don't need you either!" With that she turned away from the door with a hmph. Tsunade sweatdropped.

"You did want to stay here right?" When Alex turned back around and nodded enthusiastically, she continued. "Well, I can provide housing for the two of you until you figure out how to get home, but you will have to abide by the laws of this village. Is that clear?" Alex once again nodded. "Good. Well, I leave you in capable hands. Dismissed." With that, most of the ninja left, Alex was peering at a cool vase when Kakashi grabbed her elbow and pulled her out of the room. She pouted and was going to demand food when she happened to notice the angry blonde trying to stare a hole through her. She blinked.

"What? Are you jealous because of my amazing hair? It's because I'm so cool isn't it." The remaining ninja sweatdropped, they definitely had to introduce her to Gai and Lee.

"I'm not jealous of you at all! But I can tell you're hiding something! You guys must be really powerful to travel to a different world like that, so I challenge you to a fight!" Alex stared at him for a moment, then turned to Kakashi.

"Do you think we could go get something to eat?" When he nodded and started walking down the corridor, followed by Sasuke and Sakura, Naruto puffed up angrily.

"Hey, HEY! Don't think you can ignore me! I will defeat you! Believe it!" Alex rolled her eyes.

"Is he always like this?" At that, the ninja around her sighed sadly. Okay, guess so.

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Charlie was currently searching around the village looking for cheesecake or something else to occupy her time. She realized she could not read any of the language, after walking into a strip club thinking it was a bakery, and being surrounded by creepy old men. Luckily she had been able to fight her way out with a shoe string and a thumb tack.

"Excuse me kind sir, but do you know where I could get some cheesecake?" Charlie had decided to ask a kindly villager for aid, unfortunately the kindly villager had been female.

"You vile child! How dare you!" The not so kindly villager began to beat Charlie over the head with her grocieries.

"Ah! You bitch! I only wanted some cheesecake. Why? NOOOOO!!!" The old woman walked away leaving Charlie twitching on the ground.

Two Hours Later...

The unknown ninja assigned to watch Charlie AKA Shino stood hidden in the trees spying on her listening to her cursing about orphans and her lack of cheesecake. He understood why Tsunade wanted her watched, she already angered half the village with her illiteracy and ignorance.

"Why? All I wanted was some cheesecake! Is that so much to ask?!" In her anger and despair Charlie threw the closest thing she could find, her shoe.

Just as Shino was taking a moment to adjust his glasses Charlie's shoe hit him in the head knocking him out of the tree he was in.

Charlie looked up from her mourning when she heard a thump. Turning around she saw a tall imposing figure in sunglasses and a funny tan jacket getting up from the ground. Sunlight danced around him, music was heard in the trees, and Charlie had hearts in her eyes.

Shino stood up and located the girl, who was currently...singing? Yes, the girl was singing and dancing around a tree.

_"I get weak just thinking about you,_

_It all began so easily,_

_A look from you a glance from me. _

_Then our eyes met like thunder & lightning_

_You and I, strangers lost in a moment _

_Eye to eye We were caught unaware of the passion inside us . _

_Love at first sight!"_

Shino stared at the girl in horror. Oh god. His first thought was to run away form the singing dancing foreign girl. But that was an un-ninja like thing to do. Deciding on a course of action, Shino chose to confront the girl.

"Miss, uh Miss..." Charlie paused from her song and dance to pay attention to her new found love interest. Shino shifted uncomfortably. "I have been assigned by Tsunade-sama to watch you and escort you throughout the village." Charlie nodded dreamily at Shino and followed him to the village, continuing her song and dance.

_"Love at first sight _

_So rare, and so exciting I only hope this love we found can last!" _Though he didn't show it on the outside, Shino was screaming inside.


	2. When Americans try to become Ninjas

A/N: For those of you who didn't read our bio, which you will now, I, Alex, am Zorro, and Charlie here is Phantom. They are our RAFT identities. Do not steal them. We will hunt you down and set Mary Sues upon your bishonen. You have been warned.

Zorro: RAFT tip of the day: When being pursued by a rapist, immediately throw a golden apple over your shoulder. They will be distracted, allowing for your escape. Wait, did I say apple? I meant----

Phantom: She means nothing! Ha ha, um, read please?

When Americans try to become ninjas...

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"Pretty please with miso ramen on top?"

"Oka...ow!"

"Naruto! You can't say yes just because she offered you ramen! She's not even from this village! Do you know how many laws you would be breaking?" Naruto looked at the pink-haired girl with teary eyes before crying out mournfully.

"But I'm still hungry!" Alex turned to look at the ten empty ramen bowls surrounding Naruto and shook her head. She knew exactly how he felt. Sighing, she turned to her right, where Kakashi was seated, and beyond him, where Sasuke was. Who was glaring at her...

"See something you like?" She smirked in a very un-Alex like way and his glare intensified. Finally, he looked away, his face a little redder then before. She laughed silently, boys are funny. Turning back to Naruto, she decided to use some of her diplomatic skills.

"Naruto, I have a deal for you. I'll buy you twenty bowls of ramen if you teach me the basics of ninjutsu." His face brightened considerably, and for a second, he looked like he'd agree, but Sakura's fist once again met his head and he looked like he was going to reconsider.

"And, I'll fight you." He smirked.

"You're on!" Just then, a resounding smack was heard.

"Naruto! You can't do that, it's against the rules! Argh, the things I put up with." She sat down, thinking hitting him worked. Unfortunately for her, the pull of ramen was too strong for Naruto, and when had he cared about the rules anyway? Just as she was going to take another bite, a large crash was heard, and Sakura was thrown from her stool. Screaming, she slid across the counter and landed on her feet on the other side. Charlie had arrived. Alex sneered angrily.

"Oh look who's here. Find your cheesecake Charlie?" The girl didn't spare her a glance, as all of her attention was on the tall boy behind her, who by now was looking very harassed. Huffing angrily, Alex was about to start ranting about Charlie's lack of respect for people taller than her, when Charlie suddenly broke into song.

"_My pulses leap madly without any cause  
Believe me, I'm telling you truly,_

_My spirits are truly unruly  
For I'm falling in love with someone  
Some one boy  
I'm falling in love with someone  
Head awhirl!"_

Realization dawned on Alex's face as everyone in the ramen shop stared at Charlie with strange unbelieving looks on their faces. Shino got a fangirl? After the shock had faded, Naruto started cracking up over Shino's predicament.

"Ha ha, Shino's got a girlfriend, Shino's got a girlfriend. Shino's got a...ow!" Naruto held as head as he was hit once again, this time by a giant cockroach. Oh yeah, Shino was mad. Charlie's face lit up and she once again leapt at Shino in an attempt to hug him. He sidestepped. She ran into Alex.

"Ow, what the hell, Charlie, you remember what happened last time you obsessed over someone..."

"We ended up here?"

"No, that was because you wanted cheesecake."

"Oh." They untangled themselves and stood up.

"I got arrested, mobs chased us, I was conned by an Englishman, almost drowned, you tried to shoot me with a harpoon gun, and we almost caused the French and Spanish to go to war! You can't do this to me!" Her eyes looked bloodshot and she stared at Charlie pleadingly, but alas, her attention was once again on Shino. "No Charlie, I always get hurt when you stalk guys! Nooooo!" She fell once again to her knees in horror, thinking of the horrible things that were sure to happen to her once Charlie put her seducing Shino plans into action. Meanwhile, the other ninjas present were staring at Shino, who's eyebrow had begun to twitch, and did something no one would have ever expected of him. He fell to his knees in front of Naruto and began begging for help.

"Help me! Help me! You don't know the horror of having her stalk you." Naruto and the others looked over at Charlie, who was currently carving Charlie loves Shino into the counter top with a random sharp object.

"Aww come on Shino, she's kinda cute and you could use a girlfriend." Shino shook his head and behind his glasses began to cry. Quickly he looked over to Alex.

"You've gotta help me, you're her friend how do you get rid of her?" During this entire speech Alex heard nothing of what Shino was saying. She was staring in horror at the bug climbing on Shino's shoulder.

"Oh God! AAAAHHHH!" Alex began to run in a circle trying to get away from Shino. He realized he was doomed.

"Hey, what are you doing, I thought you wanted to be a ninja. Ninjas don't run around in circles at the sight of bugs." Alex stopped her screaming, realizing Naruto was right, but it was so icky. Suddenly Charlie stopped carving her seventh heart of Charlie loves Shino.

"Hey, you're gonna be a ninja?! I wanna be a ninja! No fair!" Shino, seizing his opportunity, quickly came up with a plan.

"You can be a ninja too. I bet they would be happy to teach you. They're great ninja masters, aren't you Naruto?" Naruto dumbly allowed his pride to get in the way.

"Yup, I'm gonna be the greatest ninja master of all time. Believe it!"

"So, you'll teach us to be ninjas?" Alex and Charlie stared attentively at Naruto.

"You bet! Believe it!" Shino was slowing sneaking out of the ramen shop happy to be away from Charlie. Meanwhile, the girls cheered happily. Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi stared on in a mixture of exasperation and horror. God only knows what could happen if these two knew ninjutsu.

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"No, stop that and stand up!" Naruto stood commandingly over the two foreign girls as they wrestled on the ground. Alex had said something about Shino's creepy bugness.

"You bitch take that back! He does not have six arms and shoot webbing!"

"How do you know, have you seen him naked?"

"It's on the list of things to do!" Naruto sighed. So far this morning, they had managed to set a tree on fire, cut Alex's hair on one side with a kunai, and hit him with a log. This was going to be harder than he thought. Hearing their angered yells, he snapped.

"Kage bunshin no jutsu!" The girls watched in awe as about five Naruto's rushed at them, separating them from each other.

"Wow."

"Yeah." Both girls stared in awe at the Naruto's, then snapped to attention.

"You've got to teach us how to do that! I could skip school all the time!" Naruto sweatdropped. Well, at least now they had some motivation.

"Okay fine. But first you have to learn the basics, then you can learn that. But that's way advanced for you two."

"Yes sir." Alex tried overeagerly to throw a kunai at the target, but it whizzed around it. A slicing sound was heard.

"Noooooo, why?" Kakashi held up Icha Icha Paradise, Alex's kunai embedded in it. He had been "supervising" their training, sitting on the other side of the tree, reading like the pervert he was. Alas, for his book was no more.

"Bullseye! Score one for the fox! Boo yah!" Alex danced around in a happy circle, completely oblivious to Kakashi's despair. "Bad porn is gone! Yay!" She turned suddenly to Kakashi. "You shouldn't read icky stuff like that in public. There are children present." She patted Naruto on the head. He scowled.

"I'm not a little kid! I'm a big strong ninja! And I bet I'm older than you!" While they argued about who was older, Kakashi sniffled pathetically, stared at his destroyed book tearfully. What to do? He looked up at Alex dancing triumphantly around Naruto, after discovering that she was older than him by three months. His one showing eye gleamed as he thought of something maybe a little bit evil. Well, it wouldn't be bad if he showed her just what a real elite ninja could do right? A little learning exercise never hurt anyone, right? He laughed evilly. Naruto and Alex stopped what they were doing and looked at him strangely. He eeped and jumped behind a bush.

"Umm, Naruto, uhh, is that normal sensei behavior?" Naruto glanced toward her.

"If it involves his perverted book, anything is possible. You've probably traumatized him for life." Alex blinked. Oh well. Meanwhile, Charlie was trying to throw shuriken without cutting herself. Easier said then done.

"Ow. Goddammit!" Sasuke stared at her wondering why he was even here. Suddenly getting fed up with slicing herself, Charlie decided to try throwing shuriken with a stick. Sasuke watched in morbid fascination. This wouldn't end well. He had originally come here to see what would happen if Naruto tried to teach someone ninjutsu, then maybe laugh and taunt him when he failed. But now he was seeing that the problem wouldn't be with Naruto, it would be with the two foreign girls, who were as klutzy as they come.

"Ahh ha!" Charlie had picked up the shuriken by holding at the end of a stick she found. She flung it at the target. This time it only missed by four feet. She was getting better. With renewed confidence, she diligently kept flinging shuriken at the target, convinced they would one day hit it. Sasuke sat back and sighed. At the very least this was entertaining.

"Okay, you got closer, but you're supposed to run up the tree, not put glue on your feet. That's cheating." Alex snapped her fingers in disappointment. "Okay, try one more time. Remember to concentrate your chakra in your feet." Alex frowned and tried to concentrate. She had to get it this time!

Naruto didn't really have much confidence in her success, but if he could pawn a few tricks off on her, then he would get all the ramen he could eat! Woot! Looking back at her, his eyes widened as he noticed the glowing light starting to surround her feet. There was only one thing strange about it. It was pink. Suddenly, she took off for the tree, and amazingly started to run right up it. Unfortunately, at that moment, Charlie had flung a large shuriken way off target, and with much more force than usual, for she had just thought of what Shino would say when he saw that she had become a strong ninja. She then thought of all the amazing ninja adventures they would go on together, alone. Getting caught up in the moment, she completely forgot what she was doing, and flung the shuriken in happiness, prancing around.

"Ahhh, Alex watch out!" Naruto had just noticed Charlie's wayward shuriken, which was heading straight for Alex. Opening her eyes, Alex found herself standing sideways on a tree. Then she noticed her feet.

"What the hell? No, not again! Get it off!" With that, she started pawing at her feet, trying to get the offending pink off. At that moment, she lost concentration, and she fell a few feet before steadying herself. That was when Charlie's shuriken sliced through the tree right over her head. The tree fell in slow motion, Alex falling with it. Everyone watched in horror as the tree fell, for Sakura had been sitting under it, counting daisy petals.

"Sasuke loves me, Sasuke loves me not. Sasuke loves me, Sasuke lov..." A resounding crash was heard. Stunned from the violent turn of events, Naruto regained himself and ran toward the fallen tree.

"Sakura, Alex, are you alright?" He rushed over to Alex and Sakura.

"Alex! Alex are you alright?" Alex stared up at Naruto, confused by his orange outfit, she mistook him for Charlie.

"Charlie, is that you? Charlie, how did you get taller? And your hair is blonder! Charlie, why didn't you tell me you weren't a girl? How could you betray me in such a way? Why Charlie, why?"

"No Alex, I'm over here."

"Oh." Assuming from that exchange that she was okay, Naruto tried to locate Sakura, who he found underneath some larger branches. Her eyes were swirly and she had a big bump on her head, but other than the fact that she was unconscious, she seemed okay. Sasuke stared in shock as he realized one of his main fangirls had been picked off by a short foreign girl. He looked toward Charlie, who was trying to pounce on a beetle she could give to Shino, as she hit her head on a rock.

"Ow."

She seemed like an idiot, but clearly she was an evil genius, who would help him defeat his fangirls. Yes, she will become his best friend. Naruto had slung Alex over his shoulder, and Kakashi grabbed Sakura, the former of whom still had an evil glint in his eye. They took them back into town, where they could be taken to the hospital and be treated for a concussion, and possibly delirium.

"Charlie put me down!" Yeah, definitely delirium.


	3. Did someone say RAFT?

Just a note, we have a tendency to be rather Sailor Moon-like at very random times. Just thought you should know.

RAFT Tip of the Day: When in doubt of whether or not you are being pursued by a rapist, throw your shoe at him anyway, just to be safe, and then run into nearest shoe store to replace the shoe you have just lost.

Did someone say RAFT?

"Oh why?! Why does it always have to be the young that die young?" Charlie was currently mourning Alex's "death". So far it consisted of finding, stealing, and inhaling sake she found. After that she had been dragged out of the hospital by Naruto and several medical nins.

"Charlie, Alex isn't dead. She's just getting treated for brain trauma."

"Why, Alex has always had brain trauma. Ever since that one time in England..." Naruto looked at her strangely, and Charlie stopped talking, staring at him sheepishly. No one was supposed to know that.

"Soooo, what do you do for fun around here?" He blinked at her, and grinned.

"Well, you could always go on a date with Shino..." At that, Charlie got hearts in her eyes, and started to skip. She broke into song as she skipped away.

_"Yes, I'm falling in love with someone  
Plain to see,_

_I'm sure I could love someone madly  
If someone would only love me" _

Naruto gaped wordlessly as she disappeared out of sight. These girls were beyond weird. Shrugging, he turned away. Oh well, as long as they didn't interfere with him becoming the next Hokage, he didn't care.

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"Hey, what the hell! Stop that!" Alex was currently struggling with the medical nins, who were attempting to heal her.

"Miss, you have to sit down, you're experiencing delirium. We need to give you an examination."

"You pervert! I know what that means!"

"Miss!" Alex attempted yet again to get out of their hold and jump out the window. Only to discover that the window was closed and glass hurts when you run into it.

"Ow." The medic nin took that opportunity to give her some anesthetic, knocking her out. The medic nins sighed in relief, then finished wrapping her head. As the last one exited, he heard her shift around. Frowning, he turned around, only to see her sleeping quietly in the bed. He sighed in relief and closed the door. In the quiet of her hospital room, Alex's eyes opened partway. Still asleep, she quietly opened the window, and jumped down to the ground.

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Sasuke stood hidden in a tree observing the girl, Charlie. She didn't seem to be much of an opponent, but she had already taken out one of his main fan girls, clearly she was dangerous.

"Oooooooh, fishy." Yes, very dangerous. Deciding right then to make his entrance, Sasuke jumped out of the tree. Charlie blinked. Sasuke stared at her. She blinked again. Quickly he came up with a plan, he let a small smirk grace his lips.

"Hi?"

"Hmph, Shino asked me to take you around town, and show you around." Charlie blinked, her eyes light up and sparkled, and she jumped up.

"Okay!" She began to follow Sasuke around, as he was doing an internal victory dance, soon his fangirls would meet their downfall.

Meanwhile, Rock Lee had been training very hard in anticipation of Gai-sensei praising him at his defeat of his arch-rival, Neji.

"If I can not do one thousand push ups, then I must run three hundred laps!" Lee was currently on five hundred, going at a very admirable pace, when a tall red-headed girl fell on his back.

"Gah!" Lee flipped over, only to see the girl sprawled on her back, her eyes swirly. Immediately, he began to cry. "Oh horrible fateful day! I have killed an innocent in my attempt to become stronger than Neji! Oh why must fate be so cruel?" With that, he began to weep over her "dead" body. Suddenly, Neji and TenTen, the latter who had been following him around like the fangirl she is, came into the clearing after hearing Lee's woe-ridden sobs.

"Lee? What are you doing, what's wrong?" TenTen asked, half exasperated, half disturbed.

"TenTen, Neji, a most horrible thing has happened. I have accidentally killed an innocent girl! Oh whatever will I do? What will Gai-sensei say? Oh----"

"That wouldn't happen to be her would it?" Neji pointed upwards. Currently, Alex was having a dream that she was Tarzan, and as such, she began swinging from branch to branch, until she missed one and landed on TenTen's back. Lee cried tears of happiness, rejoicing that the foreign girl was not dead. He leapt at her and hugged her.

"Oh happy day! I am sorry if I injured you! Please accept my heartfelt apology! Come, I-----"

"Lee, she's turning blue." Indeed, Lee was hugging her so hard that she had stopped breathing. Lee recoiled and almost cried again.

"Ahhh! I am sorry. It seems I am a curse to you, I will leave immediately to ensure your safety!" At that, Lee tried to dash away, but was held back by Neji.

"Lee you idiot. She was never dead. Not only that, but she's not even awa------" Suddenly Alex leapt at Neji, for in her dream Neji was the hunter trying to hurt her gorilla friend. She growled angrily and leapt, intent on gouging his eyes out with a rock. Neji turned in shock as she jumped on him, but luckily he was stronger than she was. He quickly threw the rock to the side and pinned her arms to her sides, so that he was holding her away from him, as she was still struggling against him. She sure was a violent sleep-walker. Lee gaped wordlessly, then looked at her feet, which had started to glow pink of all colors.

Tarzan, or Alex, knew that the bad hunter couldn't get her if she was in the trees, for he had not her mad tree leaping skills. Neji frowned as he noticed the energy she was releasing through her feet, but didn't think much of it as she was asleep and obviously not a threat to a strong jounin like himself. At that moment, she sprung upwards, taking him with her. She began swinging from tree to tree again dragging Neji with her. During the experience Neji's hair got tangled in a branch, preventing him from killing Alex. This forced him to let go of her, as he was now stuck untangling his long hair. Alex just kept swing through the trees. Suddenly, she went limp, and fell.

"Ahhh, not again! Do not worry, I will save you!" Lee caught her before she hit the ground. Neji landing gracefully after her. He wrinkled his nose in disgust. He was almost beaten by an unconscious foreigner. How degrading. Meanwhile, Lee was hugging her.

"Oh new friend, I will take you to Gai-sensei immediately, he will know what to do! He will be very impressed that you have defeated Neji, but I see the--------"

"She did NOT beat me. I was simply caught off guard. She wouldn't have lasted a minute in a real battle." But it was too late, Lee had a spark in his eyes.

"Not true! You are only trying to cover up your defeat! With her amazing skill and prowess she defeated you! And after she takes me on as her student, I shall also learn her amazing skills!" With that, he dashed away with Alex, intent on introducing his new "master" to his old one. Tenten looked at Neji in sympathy.

"You're right Neji, you would have beaten her fair and square in a real battle, why her puny attempt at ninjutsu would never stand up to your byakugan! She was horrible, cheating like that. You should----------"

"Shut up."

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"_Like a virgin  
Touched for the very first time  
Like a virgin  
When your heart beats  
Next to mine_

Gonna give you all my love, boy  
My fear is fading fast  
Been saving it all for you  
'Cause only love can last"

Charlie was currently singing and dancing down Konohagakure with a microphone in her hand, when suddenly...

"Hit it Sasuke." A spotlight suddenly appeared out of nowhere, shining on Sasuke. Everyone in the street stopped what they were doing and stared at him, wondering what he would do. Charlie stood gazing at Sasuke holding the microphone out for him. Sasuke glared at her, maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Just then out of nowhere Ino appeared.

"Sasuke!" Ino jumped on Sasuke's back and looked down on Charlie holding the microphone out for him.

"Sasuke what are you doing here? Who's she?" Charlie stood and blinked at Ino. Suddenly Charlie broke into a wide grin.

"Hi! I'm Charlie, Sasuke's best friend. Who are you? Are you gonna sing with us? You interrupted Sasuke's solo." Before Ino could reply to any of Charlie's questions Sasuke enacted his plan.

"This is Ino. She's in love with Shino." Charlie's eye's narrowed, the smile left her face.

"What Sasuke no I don-" Too late Charlie tackled her.

"You bitch! I'm the only one who loves Shino! He's mine!" With a feral growl she pulled Ino's hair and then began swinging her around in a circle by it. By now Ino was screaming her head off, yelling to Sasuke to get Charlie to let her go. Sasuke stood by, trying not to smile. Oh, nope, there it is.

"And take that!" At that Charlie let go, sending Ino flying through a nearby window. A crash was heard as she flew out the other side. She groaned in pain. Sasuke smiled evilly. Two down, and only a few hundred more to go. Oh yeah, this was easy.

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"--And she defeated Neji easily! Gai-sensei, I must learn her skills!" Gai stared at Lee holding the unconscious foreign girl and wondered whether or not he was not joking. By the eager look on his face, he was not. "Please Gai-sensei?" Gai was just about to bring to Lee's attention that Alex was unconscious, when suddenly Alex leapt from Lee's arms and hugged Gai. For in Alex's dream she was now the little mermaid and Gai was her fish friend come to aid her in her quest.

"Oh, she likes you!" Lee smiled proudly at the scene before him. Just then Alex began waving her arms in the air like she was swimming, and began to walk in slow motion away from Gai and Lee, dragging the former. For in her dream, Lee was now an evil shark come to terrorize them.

"Wait amazing foreign girl! You must teach me your skills! Wait!" Lee was now chasing after Alex also in slow-motion. Gai watched in exasperation.

"Lee you idiot. This girl isn't even awake, how could she possibly defeat Neji? You need to stop dreaming and start training yo-----"

"Hurray, come new friend and show Gai-sensei your amazing skills!" Gai stared in amazement as the girl blinked a few times and stood staring at them. You couldn't tell before, as her eyes were half closed, but now that he was looking at her clearly, he could tell that she was one of the two foreign girls he had been told about. Tsunade had told everybody to keep an eye on them, as they did not yet know if they were spies or not. Well, she didn't look like a spy to Gai, but that might just be because she was dancing around in circles with Lee. Suddenly, she stopped dancing with Lee and turned and pointed at Gai excitedly.

"Flounder, is that you? Flounder you're a real boy now!" Gai blinked at the strange foreign girl. How did she know?

"No, no this is Gai-sensei. He is my teacher. Gai-sensei this is...um, well she beat Neji! That's all that matters."

"Lee, you don't even know her name? Of course you don't, she was asleep." Lee and Alex looked at him strangely, before turning to each other.

"Gai-sensei is right! My name is Rock Lee, the beautiful Green Beast of Konoha! Who may I ask, are you?" He bowed to her and she stared at him.

"Um, my name is Alejandra de la Vega and I steal from the rich and give to the poor! Yeah!" Lee's eyes shined.

"So..cool!" At that they started dancing around in circles again, Gai sighed.

"Miss Alejandra, please show Gai-sensei how you defeated Neji!" Alex paused confused, who the hell is Neji?

"Um, why don't you show me how **you** defeated Neji?" Lee paused in his happy dance and blinked at Alex confused.

"Oh, you must mean how I **will** defeat Neji! I will beat him only using taijutsu, proving that hard work will defeat the gifted prodigy!" Alex clapped.

"Very impressive. Now...um." Both Lee and Gai looked at her eagerly, both wanting to know how she defeated this Neji person. She decided to tell them the same thing she told Kakashi.

"I used my mystic moon powers to defeat him."

"Mystic moon powers?"

"Yes, my mystic moon powers. I have traveled here from another world, with my fellow princess warrior from my court. We were run off by an angry mob, composed of selfish cheesecake hogging orphans." Gai stared at the girl not sure which part of her crazy story to believe, and then decided to believe it all. Why would someone tell such a stupid lie? It must be true. Lee nodded eagerly, hanging on to her every word.

"Your majesty." Lee bowed, and looked up at Alex with sparkles in his eyes. "What can I do to be of assistance while you are away from your kingdom?"

"Well...I was to be trained as a ninja, but the silver haired scarecrow guy kind of got angry at me for my accidentally destroying his book, and locked me in a hospital." Gai's eyes sparkled at that.

"You say my eternal rival was to train you? Ha! I will train you a hundred times better then he ever would!" Gai gave Alex a thumbs-up and a smile. "Ching". The sparkle temporarily blinded Alex. Yay! She would become a ninja after all!

"Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasu-----"

"Shut up."

"But I wanna go find Shino now." Charlie stomped her foot and glared up at him angrily.

"No, he's probably busy training. We have to go visit another one of my...friends." Charlie glared at him for a second, then burst into tears.

"I wanna see Shino now! I wanna go see Shino! I wanna--Oooh shiny." Charlie paused midcomplaint and then looked back at Sasuke.

"Let's go swimming!" Sasuke sighed in relief. Thank god she didn't start on the Shino thing again.

"Fine."

"Yay!" Charlie began skipping off to the springs, Sasuke following behind.

Sometime later

"Sasuke you can't go swimming when you're wearing a shirt. Go change." Sasuke grumbled and took off his shirt. Suddenly...

"SASUKE!!!" A wave of Sasuke's fangirls appeared out of nowhere, attracted by Sasuke shirtless. Sasuke's eyes widened. Shit. He turned to Charlie, who had just pulled an inflatable alligator out of nowhere and threw it into the lake. He snagged her by the arm and pointed to all the swooning girls.

"Quick, do something!"

"Why?"

"Those are Shino's fangirls. They've come to challenge you for his heart. You must defeat them in battle."

"Those bastards!" Charlie stalked toward them angrily. They grouped together and muttered to themselves. They had heard of this girl, the girl who had been acting as Sasuke's bodyguard. Suddenly, she was right in front of them. One of the girls that knew ninjutsu tried to throw a kunai at her, but it was too late. Charlie was gone. All the girls looked around frantically, trying to locate her. Meanwhile, Sasuke watched from the sidelines, joyfully imagining the downfall of his fangirls.

Suddenly, an orange chakra-infused chain appeared out of nowhere, hitting the girls and throwing them back. Charlie was standing on the overhanging branch of a tree, whipping around her chain, which she had forged with her love for Shino. The fangirls cowered. They were doomed.

"I shall defeat you in the name of my love for Shino! In the name of Venus! At that Charlie charged, swinging her chain around the group of girls, tying them tightly together. The girls screamed as she swung them toward the waterfall by the lake, then sighed with relief as they stopped. Charlie fiddled with the chain, tying it around a tree, then kicked the group of girls off the waterfall. They screamed, thinking they would die, then they stopped, and hung halfway down the waterfall, swinging back and forth. Charlie dusted off her hands and walked back to Sasuke, who was crying tears of joy. Just for this, he would set her up on a date with Shino. He was free!

Not too far away...

"Hee hee..." A tall white haired man crouched behind the paper walls of the bathhouse, and sneakily made a small hole. He peered in happily at all the undressed women, drooling. He then pulled out a small notebook and pencil, and looked as if he may write something down, but dropped the pencil when a splash was heard. His head snapped up and he turned to face the direction of the lake, for he had sensed a large amount of scantily clad girls in that direction. Summoning a toad, the old man took off toward the lake.

Upon reaching his destination the old man hid behind a bush and began doing research for his book AKA spying on girls.

"Sasuke, I'm hungry! Let's go get ice cream!" Just as Sasuke was going to reply, Charlie's head snapped to the side, looking suspiciously at a bush.

Meanwhile at the same time...

"I understand your concerns your majesty, but please please, I must defeat Neji I----" Alex held up her hand for silence, cocking her head to the side. Gai and Lee looked at her strangely, for she suddenly started walking away. Lee ran up to her.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"Uh, I hear my mother calling, be right back." She began running in the opposite direction.

"Okay, we'll wait right here!" Gai simply stared at his student, waiting for him to realize that only two foreign people came to this village. He waited in vain.

Meanwhile, Alex ran down the street, turned down an alley, and reached the trees. Ripping off her clothes as she ran, she dramatically changed into her RAFT uniform. After finishing tying on her mask, she arrived close to where the dastardly deed was taking place. She waited.

At the same time, Charlie was thinking of ways to ditch Sasuke.

"Hey, aren't you coming? You wanted ice cream."

"Um... oh Sasuke go on ahead I'll meet you there. I can't go now I'm in a bikini. Go buy me chocolate ice cream. I'll meet up with you." Sasuke nodded and went on ahead.

As soon as he was out of sight Charlie leapt behind a tree and changed into her RAFT uniform, then leapt away to find her crime fighting compadre. Following the signal on her communicator, she found her in a clearing. They nodded at each other, turned, and began yelling at a bush.

"We know you're there, you pervert! Come out with your hands up!" Jiraiya turned around, angry, for the girls shrieked and ran away. Completely intent on yelling at them, he stood up, but noticed that the two people posing dramatically on the hill behind him were also girls. Unfortunately, they were wearing clothes. Shoot.

"Hello there ladies, didn't see you there. I was jus-"

"We said put your hands up!" Zorro AKA Alex threateningly held her sword up to Jiraiya as Phantom AKA Charlie angrily shook her fist at him.

"Now, now ladies, there's no need for hostilities. I was simply doing research for a book."

"Any book that involves what you were intending to write shouldn't be on the market."

"That's right. I think it's time someone taught you a little something about respecting women!" At that Zorro threw her cape epically up in the air and pointed at Jiraiya.

"It's time Phantom! Go into Formation Alpha Theta Green Tangent!" Phantom also threw her cape to the side, and leapt so that she was standing right in front of Jiraiya. She then proceeded to do a jig. The perverted old man began to clap enthusiastically, thinking that she was dancing for him because she thought he was hot. Yeah right. While she did that, Zorro crept behind him, and swung her whip, intending to swing it around him and pin his arms to his sides. Jiraiya stepped to the side and continued to applaud Phantom. Zorro cursed angrily, and swung it to the side again, hoping to catch one of his arms. At that moment, Phantom came closer to him and did a fancy step in her jig, kicking Jiraiya in the face. He fell back a little bit, and rubbed his cheek.

"Aww come on, that wasn't very nice."

"You bastard! We're not joking around here!"

A few miles away...

Sasuke stood outside the ice cream parlor holding two melting ice cream cones. Realization slowly dawned on him. He was ditched. He was standing out here holding ice cream, and he didn't even like ice cream! How dare he, Sasuke Uchiha be ditched! Oh he was going to find that girl and give her a piece of his mind. He took off in the direction of the lake. The damn girl probably got distracted.

"Hey Sasuke!" Naruto ran up to him. "Have you seen Alex? She owes me ramen, and I'm hungry!"

"No clue Naruto."

"Where are you going then? I thought Charlie was with you."

"She was. I'm going to go find her and make her pay me back for the stupid ice cream. The other stupid girl will most likely be there too."

Back with the heroines, and the pervert...

"Fly free my pretties!" Zorro had just released Jiraiya's toads, which just stared at her. She shooed them away. "I meant hop! Hop to freedom! Bwhahahah!"

"Hey! What are you doing?" Jiraiya looked up from where he was being distracted by Phantom, who was teaching him how to make a cat's cradle. Unfortunately, his hands were tangled in the string. As he stood up and attempted to untangle his hands, Phantom tripped him, causing him to land in the lake. Just as Phantom and Zorro did a victory high five, Jiraiya resurfaced.

"Now, I'm mad...Why didn't you tell me you wanted to play in the water?" The girls sweatdropped. Just then, Sasuke and Naruto appeared at the top of the hill. They had been talking, but seeing the scene before them, became silent. Jiraiya was laughing and beckoning the two strange masked girls into the lake, the latter of whom were angrily shaking their fists at him.

"Hey pervy sage! What are you doing?" Jiraiya, Phantom and Zorro all looked up from their battle, only to see Naruto and Sasuke running down to them.

"Well ladies this was fun, next time I'll bring drinks and we can all go swimming." Jiraiya winked at them before summoning his toad and hopping away.

"You bastard! We'll finish this later!" Phantom and Zorro both sped away before they could be caught by Naruto and Sasuke. Phantom jumped behind a tree and reappeared in her civilian form.

"Hi, Sasuke!"

"Woman what are you doing here?"

"Um well you see after changing, I realized I had no idea where the ice cream store was, so I used the golden rule and when lost stayed in the same place, waiting for you to come find me!" Charlie grinned up at him, as he slapped his face. Why did he get the dumb one. Oh well she was pretty useful at getting rid of fangirls. That was all the mattered. Meanwhile, after reverting back to her civilian form, Alex had met a nice guy named Choji, who invited her out to eat. She, being very hungry, accepted and went to have barbeque with him and his friends.

Back at the training site...

"Uh Lee, I think it's time you should go home. You have to report to Tsunade for a mission briefing tomorrow morning." Lee was sitting in the place Alex had left him hours ago, sure that she would be back soon.

"No Gai-sensei, I must stay right here for when her Highness returns." Gai sweatdropped. The kid was stubborn.

"Uh, Lee, I don't think she meant that literally."

"Do not worry Gai-sensei! Her majesty will return, and then I will be able to defeat Neji!"

"Sure she will Lee, sure she will."


	4. Shino's First Date

People, you can not hide from us the fact that this fic has well over one hundred hits and yet only five reviews. Kudos to twiggy shino, who was the only one who reviewed the last chapter. The rest of you, please review!

RAFT tip of the day: If a rapist pursues you while you are injured, quickly shoot up your flare gun, to alert us of your presence. We will come.

Shino's First Date

The next day, Alex was out exploring the streets of Konoha, searching for someone to buy her breakfast. So far, she was failing miserably. If only she could find Lee, or that nice guy with Chouji who bought them barbeque the previous night. She sighed miserably. Suddenly, she was tackled from behind.

"Boo!!!" Alex started as she was knocked to the ground, Lee landing on top of her. Groaning, she stood and faced him.

"AHH! A monster! Oh wait, never mind. Lee, what are you doing?" He grinned sheepishly.

"I am very sorry. I thought that maybe if you thought you were being attacked, you would unconsciously use your mystic moon powers to defend yourself. Then I would learn your secret and defeat Neji!" Alex sighed.

"Okay whatever; I'll forget that ever happened. But only if you buy me breakfast. I'm hungry!" She gave him puppy-dog eyes, and he immediately brightened.

"Alright! Come with me your Highness, I will find you the finest food in Konoha!" Lee then pranced ahead of her, intent on finding her amazing food. After four places he had decided were not good enough, Alex was getting delirious.

"Lee, if I don't get to eat within the next five minutes, I'm going to bite off your hand! Let's go back there now!"

"No! I can find better! I will ge-----Ah! Neji, my eternal rival, I see you have recovered from your defeat!" Said person Neji simply glared at Lee, before turning to look at Alex. He narrowed his eyes; she was awake and looking perfectly fine. Well, she wouldn't be for long if he could help it.

"Your majesty, you remember Neji, my eternal rival, whom you defeated."

"She didn't beat me."

"Not true, she did, and I will learn her secret, and defeat you!" Alex stared at Neji. This was the person Lee was so desperate to beat?

"Lee, you didn't tell me you were fighting girls! I could have come up with a strategy to defeat her! Snap her bra, it hurts like hell." Lee and Neji both stared at her incredulously, hardly believing what they were hearing.

"You think...you think Neji is a girl? Ha hahaha----"

"That is **not** funny. I assure you, I am male." Alex blinked at him.

"Really? But you have such long pretty hair. And you're wearing a dress!" Neji growled.

"This is not a dress; it is the traditional wear of the Hyuuga clan. If you insinuate one more time that I am a girl, you will regret you ever said anything at all."

"No, no Neji. Don't deny your feminine side, it is not a crime to look nice. Okay, now sing with me: I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and g-----ow, Sasuke, what are you doing here?" Sasuke had appeared out of nowhere and grabbed Alex, pulling her to the side. Three kunai were embedded behind her in the wall where she had previously been standing. Neji looked furious and ready to kill.

"Come with me. Your assistance is required." Sasuke began to drag Alex away.

"Okay, bye Lee bye Neji it's okay to a pretty girl, just accept it." Neji proceeded to throw three more kunai at her. Luckily Alex sneezed right before they hit her head, and they whizzed right over her. Sasuke simply sighed and dragged her out of sight.

"Why is it that neither of you can be by yourselves for five minutes without causing trouble?" Alex looked over at him sideways.

"I wasn't alone! I was with Lee and Neji!" Sasuke slapped his forehead.

"Lee should have kept you from insulting Neji, but I will give you some advice. Do not ever insult Neji, unless you want t----hey! Are you even listening to me?" Alex was currently doing cartwheels along side of him, very obviously not paying attention to anything he said. He growled and took three deep breaths before continuing.

"I need your help." At that Alex stopped doing cartwheels and started to walk along side him.

"Why?"

"Shino asked Charlie out on a date, and he asked me to ask you to help her get ready, because I know nothing about girls." Alex stood and blinked at Sasuke. Something about this sounded suspicious, but, oh well.

"Okay!" Alex set off to find Charlie while Sasuke went to find said ninja and convince him to go on a date with her. A few minutes later, he stopped. Why should he go off and do something potentially dangerous like this when there were perfectly persuasive idiots that would do the job for him?

"Hey Sasuke, where are you going?"

"Naruto. I have something to ask you..."

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Alex walked to Charlie's room, in the apartment Tsunade provided them with, and saw Charlie sprawled out on the floor with bottles of alcohol around her. Alex blinked and stared at her wall. Charlie had created a mural devoted to Shino made in macaroni. She was getting to be really scary.

"Charlie, wake up."

"Mmmm, go away. I wanna sleep."

"No, no Charlie wake up. Get ready."

"No." Okay this was harder then she thought. Just then she got an idea.

"Oh Charlie wake up! Shino just called and said he lost all his clothes and needs your help finding them!" Charlie bolted up, and rushed out the door, knocking Alex over. As Alex was getting up she heard a crash coming from the stairwell. Yup, she fell down the stairs. Alex walked down the stairs, and grabbed Charlie, who had swirls in her eyes.

"Ronald McDonald is that you? Oh Mr. McDonald I want a happy meal!"

"Come on Charlie, I'll help you get ready."

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"No. I most certainly will not." Currently Naruto was attempting to get Shino to go on a date with Charlie.

"Why not, you need to get out. I bet being with a girl you would open up and possibly be less creepy. Go on a date with her!"

"No."

"Why not, it's not like you've ever not been on a date before right?" Shino coughed and looked over to the side, realization dawned on Naruto. "You haven't, have you? You've never been on a date! Shino's never been on a date! Shino's never been on a date!" Naruto began dancing around Shino in a circle.

"Oh come on, I'm sure she'll leave you alone if you go on one date with her."

"Why do I not believe you?"

"What's the worst that could happen?" Shino gave Naruto and incredulous look beneath his sunglasses. Just as he was going to reply, the sounds of an explosion resounded throughout the village, knocking everyone down, causing Shino to hit his head.

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"Hey, Alex I think that was a bad idea." In Alex's attempt to help get Charlie ready, she had plugged in a blow-dryer from Charlie's emergency supply pack into a wall socket. Unfortunately the voltage was too great and caused an explosion heard throughout Konoha.

"Yeah, now you'll have wet hair. Here put this on." Charlie held up the fluorescent orange dress Alex handed her incredulously.

"You expect me to wear this?" Alex nodded happily.

"No, no Alex you're the pretty, pretty princess, not me."

"Oh come on it's orange."

"No."

"Wear it!" Alex attempted to tackle Charlie and force her to put on the dress, which sent the latter through the doorframe to the living area. They started hitting each other, Alex now using the dress to try and smother her. Charlie, realizing that if she was smothered she could not see Shino, called upon her chain forged of love for him, and hit Alex round the head with it. She flew into the kitchen and hit the counter.

"I see how it is. But you forget who you're dealing with!" With that, she pulled her whip out of nowhere and swung it at Charlie, which soon escalated into an epic whip-chain duel. Suddenly, Charlie threw her entire chain at Alex, attempting to catch her off guard. She did, and Alex flew through the door, catching herself by the stairwell.

"You bitch, it's stunts like this that made Erik hate you!" Charlie gasped and leapt at her.

"Erik doesn't hate me you Portuguese floozy!" Unfortunately, Charlie did not know that Alex was standing in front of a stairwell, and she sent them both tumbling down it. They landed in a heap at the bottom. Alex attempted to get up, but Charlie grabbed her ankle, tripping her.

"Well, you know what Legolas found you to be a disgusting, uncivilized, stupid strumpet!"

"YOU BITCH!" Alex launched herself at her, and they began wrestling on the floor. Suddenly, they heard someone clear their throat. They both stopped to see Naruto and Shino staring down at them, nervous expressions on their faces. The two girls looked at each other, then rushed back up the stairs.

"Five minutes!" Slamming the door behind them, they scrambled to get Charlie ready.

"Okay now Charlie I'm going to give you some tips to use on your date. First off can you tell me what went wrong with you and Erik?"

"You and Robin came?"

"No! You came on too strong. Luckily I have already included this in my plan. Here." Alex handed her a headset.

"What's this?"

"You're gonna wear this during your date, and I'll tell you what to say." Charlie looked at the headset, then back at Alex. She shrugged.

"Okay. But if something goes wrong, I'll kill you." Alex grinned nervously and handed Charlie the headset, before running into the kitchen.

"Venus fly-trap, do you read?"

"Copy pink princess, over"

"My name's not pink princess, over."

"Then what is it? Over."

"I wanna be Thundercat! Over."

"Okay pink princess. Whatever you say. Come back into the living room. Ten-four."

"Fine, ten-four." Alex shut off her walkie talkie and went back to the living area where Charlie was trying to put on her shoes. Alex slapped her and made her put them on correctly. Just then the doorbell rang. Charlie stood and attempted to rush over to the door, before Alex grabbed her collar and yanked her back.

"Too eager."

"And since when did you become the guy expert, Miss-rabbit-trap-the-boy-you-like-and-throw-him-in-a-bag."

"That was a one time thing." The doorbell rang again and Alex went to answer it. Naruto came in lugging a disorientated Shino.

"Hi Alex! Charlie! You ready to go now?"

"Uh, Naruto why are you carrying Shino?"

"Oh he hit his head during the earthquake, but he's fine, aren't you Shino?"

"I like rainbows and ice cream, sunshine, and butterflies." The girls stared at Shino.

"She won't drug him or anything, right?" Alex gave him a very serious look.

"I don't think it'll matter now, but just in case, I stole her chloroform." Naruto sighed in relief. "So where's Sasuke?"

"Oh, he went home. He didn't want to see how this played out; I don't think he wants Shino to remember much." Alex nodded knowingly.

"Well, I think we gave them enough of a head start, ready to start operation save Shino!" With that, Naruto and Alex pulled out scarves and sunglasses out of nowhere, put them on, and snuck out after Charlie and Shino.

"So where do you want to go? Oh wait, Alex gave me a list of pre-approved activities she has selected for us. Let's see movie, dinner, sky-diving, ping-pong, inner tube water polo, fly fishing, catch butterflies, kill the w-- um let's go see a movie. They pranced off together, talking and laughing. Meanwhile, Naruto and Alex followed them, staying a little ways behind them.

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"Okay, now compliment him on his sunglasses and call him mysterious. Make him think you haven't figured him out, like checkers. But in actuality, you're going to king yourself any minute, and he------"

"Charlie, forget everything she just said. Talk about beetles or something. Alex, getting along with Shino is not like checkers, stop or Charlie and Shino will never get along."

"Fine Naruto, gee when did you get so smart?"

"I've always been this smart! Believe it!" Alex looked at Naruto skeptically before adjusting her headset.

"Fine. I see how it is. Apparently Naruto is the boy expert here, so I'll just let him give you Shino advice. So there." With that, Alex threw her headset at Naruto and stalked off. Honestly. Naruto blinked, then put on the headset.

"Umm, Charlie, Alex just walked off. What do I do?"

"Quick, give me advice about Shino! What if he realizes he has head trauma and goes to the hospital?" Naruto sweatdropped.

"Uhh, I don't think that will happen. Ask him about bugs. That's his specialty after all."

"Alright."

A few minutes later...

"Lady Alejandra! I have been looking for you all day!" Alex blinked and turned around in surprise.

"Lee! What are you doing here?"

"I am going to visit Sakura at the hospital. Would you care to join me?"

"Alright. I'm not wanted anywhere else. Stupid Naruto and his stupid guy tips like he knows what guys want so much better than me." Lee looked at her strangely.

"What was that?"

"Nothing." Alex and Lee set off for the hospital.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Charlie and Shino stepped out of the movie theater, _Attack of the Giant Cockroaches_, had been a poor choice in movies, seeing as the cockroaches died in the end and Shino was currently in shock. Charlie looked at him worriedly trying to think of something to fix him.

"Oh Shino, let's go to the lake." Shino sniffled and nodded his head.

Sometime later on the way back from the lake.

Charlie and Shino were currently sopping wet and holding a kayak. "Okay kayaking was a bad idea, who knew the lake had a waterfall."

Charlie looked over to Shino who was looking around confusedly, like he didn't know where he was. "Uh, Shino, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, but where are we?"

"Uh, we're, just walking! So Shino, tell me about your bug friends!" Shino immediately got the happy look back on his face and began to babble about insects. Charlie sighed in relief. That was close.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

"----but I'm alright now, so it's okay." Lee nodded enthusiastically; hanging on to Sakura's every word. Spotting Alex, she leaned around Lee. "Alex? Where are your friends? I didn't know you knew Lee."

"Oh I'm training him right now or something, and Charlie was with Sasuke I think." Sakura's eyes brightened at Sasuke's name.

"Really? Why was she with him?"

"I don't know, I think they're best friends or something, or at least that's what she was mumbling." Sakura's eyes darkened angrily.

"Best friends? Best friends?? She doesn't know the first thing about Sasuke! She doesn't know what he can do, how much he's accomplished, or anything at all about the Uchiha clan! How can she possibly say they are best friends? Why tha---"

"Sakura, I will-----"

"Not now Lee, that girl is going to get a piece of my mind! First Ino and now her? I'm the only one Sasuke will end up with! I'll ge---"

"I know! I'l----"

"Lee! Stop interrupting me! Alex, do you know where they are now?" Lee's shoulders slumped and he turned away from Sakura, crestfallen. Alex frowned and looked back at Sakura.

"I don't know where Sasuke is now, and Charlie went on a date with Shino." Lee and Sakura both looked up, surprised.

"She did? That two-timer! How dare she flirt with Sasuke and go behind his back? Oh I'll get her for this, just you wait." With that, Sakura began mumbling more about Sasuke. The words "amazing", "prodigy", and "hot" were heard frequently. Alex backed away from Sakura, and went over to Lee. Feeling bad, she patted him on the back, and led him from the room to go get ice cream.

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Five hours later with Shino and Charlie...

"It's a rare poisonous insect native to the Village Hidden in the Mist..." Shino had not stopped talking about bugs since Charlie had asked him. Charlie's head bobbed up and down trying to pay attention to what he was saying, to bad she didn't realize before she didn't care about bugs. Realization suddenly dawned on Charlie when she remembered she had her flask with her! Pulling it out of her sleeve she took a swig. She looked at Shino still going on about insects native to certain areas and passed it to him. Without pausing, Shino took a swig and kept on talking. He blinked and turned to her.

"What the heck was that stuff? It practically burned my tongue off!"

"Extra strength fire whiskey."

"Oh. Okay." With that, he went back to talking about bugs. Charlie sighed and took another swig.

Another hour later...

"Who's that hiding in the tree top? It's that rascal the jitterbug!" Shino and Charlie were dancing around singing the song Charlie taught him.

"I am the jitterbug!" Shino laughed and fell over, taking Charlie with him. They stumbled to their feet and took off down the street, still singing. A few minutes later, Shino stopped and gasped in shock.

"What is it?"

"Look!" Looking up, Charlie grinned happily and the two of them stumbled toward the source of their new-found joy.

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"Oh why, oh why doesn't Sakura like me? What does Sasuke have that I do not? He does not even pay attention to her!" Alex patted Lee on the shoulder and discreetly took a bite of his ice cream.

"Lee, girls can be weird sometimes. This is one of those times. You see, everywhere you go there will be a Sasuke-type guy. Someone tall dark and handsome that seemingly has no interest in the female population, or anyone else for that matter. He's mysterious and strong, and girls almost always obsess over that type." Lee looked over at her, still sniffling.

"You too?" Alex sweatdropped.

"I am one of the few women in the world that's actually smart and realizes that Sasuke is a stupid selfish jerk. I prefer guys with long hair anyway."

"What can I do then? I most certainly can not compete with him! He has not only his natural genius at ninjutsu, but his sharingan and his heritage as well! It is not fair." Alex frowned, before brightening considerably.

"Lee, I think I know how to help you..."


	5. Extreme Makeover: Ninja Edition

RAFT tip of the day: If you're on a date, and you realize that your date maybe a potential rapist, quickly drop a fork on the ground, and when you go to retrieve it, army crawl to the bathroom, jimmy open the window, and proceed to your home. Do not return his calls.

Extreme Makeover: Ninja Edition

"No no Count Chocula we can't keep doing this. Alex will find out and kill you. I don't want our relationship to end this way but, Alex kills vampires. I must protect you..." Shino awoke to the sound of Charlie's voice, and groaning, looked around. He was in a yard, a yard that looked oddly familiar. Was that Akamaru he heard barking? At Charlie? No, he must be dreaming. He rolled over and tried to go back to sleep but something small jumped onto his back. He frowned and tried to roll back over but Akamaru's barking grew louder and he sat up in irritation. Horror swept over him as he realized his situation. He was in Kiba's backyard, Charlie was with him, and it was approximately six in the morning.

Looking down, he saw with terror that he was not wearing his usual large white coat, but a spotted leopard vest and hot pants. Oh my God. Panic seized him as he looked over at Charlie and saw that she was in an ANBU outfit, complete with a snake mask. Oh god what had he done? In quiet shock and horror, he tried to get Akamaru to stop barking before he alerted Kiba to his presence.

"Oi! Akamaru why are you barking?" Too late. Just as Shino was scrambling to get behind one of the bushes, Kiba came out his backdoor and stared at the scene before him. An ANBU black op was sitting on the ground shaking her head while Akamaru was barking at a drag queen that was trying to dive into his bushes. Looking back to the ANBU black op, realization dawned on him.

"Oh the Hokage-sama has finally listened to my request to get rid of the drag queens that have been hanging around my house. Good boy Akamaru, don't let it get away!...Huh? Shino? Shino isn't a drag queen Akamaru...well I guess I don't know what he wears under that coat of his." Shino stared at Kiba in horror. Kiba stared back. Suddenly...

"Excuse me." Kiba dashed into his house and closed the door with a bang. Hysterical laughing was heard from inside. Shino turned red in embarrassment. This was all that stupid girls fault! Oh he was going to make her pay...then he would--------wait, where the heck was she?

"Do they have pancakes around here Akamaru? Oh really? Well that's nice." Charlie, still in full ANBU garb, had started walking away with Akamaru, intent on getting breakfast. Shino stared in shock. Laughing was still heard from Kiba's house.

Now a few blocks away...Charlie was swaggering down the streets of Konoha looking for some place with pancakes and coffee. After going into a grocery store and attempting to buy breakfast before realizing she had no money, Charlie was back on the street. Damn. Suddenly...

"Sasuke!" Said ninja looked around confusedly, before spotting the ANBU black op across the block. What would they want with him? The said ANBU ran across the street, and began talking to him.

"Oh Sasuke what's up? How are you? Are you hungry oh let's go get breakfast." Sasuke blinked. He knew that voice. He quickly grabbed the mask of the ANBU black op. He knew it. Charlie.

"What are you doing? Why are you dressed as an ANBU?" Charlie blinked confusedly.

"I don't remember. I'm hungry, let's go get breakfast!" He frowned before she grabbed his hand and began dragging him around to food places. He sighed and went with her. She could be in serious trouble if she was caught impersonating an ANBU, and he couldn't have his main fangirl-eliminator behind bars.

Meanwhile...

Thunder crashed, illuminating the dark room. A figure was seen in the corner, cackling wildly in a white lab coat. Just as they were about to throw the giant switch, a knock was heard on the door.

"Your Highness? Umm, you have been in there for two hours, are you sure that you are alright?" The "figure" rolled her eyes.

"Lee, I was having a moment here."

"Oh, I am sorry. I will not disturb you." Alex sighed.

"It's okay, besides, I'm ready for you now. You may enter." Lee opened the door and turned on the light. Alex was standing next to what looked like a dentist's chair, surrounded by tables full of strange potions.

"This is for me?"

"Yes, sit down and we may begin." As soon as he was seated, Alex quickly strapped him to the chair.

"Ummm, is that really necessary?" Alex looked him in the eye wearing her strange chemistry goggles. He tried not to cringe.

"Yes. Now it begins!" She cackled evilly and closed in on him, her hands full of strange tools. Lee tried not to scream.

Back with Sasuke and Charlie...

Charlie and Sasuke sat drinking coffee and eating pancakes at a cafe. Charlie had just taken a bite of her pancakes when suddenly, a group of ANBU black ops appeared out of nowhere, and began talking to her.

"What are you doing? Didn't you hear the Hokage has given us a new mission? Come on." The ANBU grabbed the back of Charlie's clothes, and began dragging her outside. Sasuke looked over and went back to eating.

"Hey! What are you doing I was eating!" Charlie began throwing an angry barrage of insults at the black ops that had carted her outside.

"Shut up, and put on your mask we've got a mission. Okay? Now, we've received reports of a pair of masked vigilantes that have been causing chaos, and caused a disturbance at the lake a few days ago. We are to find any leads we can, and stop them." Charlie blinked, something about that story sounded familiar. Oh well.

-------------------------------------------

"Um, Lady Alejandra? What did you say this was going to do again?"

"Make you look cool and mysterious. Now sit back and let the nice lady do her work." Alex sat down and began reading a magazine while the hair stylist wheeled Lee around in his chair. He closed his eyes and imagined Gai-sensei in his head. What would he say? He opened his eyes and looked over to Alex in the waiting area, reading her magazine. He shook his head fiercely to the hair stylists dismay, and jumped out of the chair.

"It doesn't matter, because I trust Lady Alejandra and her mystical powers to show me the way to become the epitome of cool manliness!"

"Umm, sir? I can't cut your hair if you're standing up." Lee blanched.

"Ah, yes, I'm sorry! Please continue!"

-------------------------------------------

Currently, Shino was at his house, staring out the window. After the disturbing events that had taken place today, he didn't quite feel well enough to venture outside just yet. For there was still one vital thing missing...where was his jacket? He looked around wildly, before realizing what must have happened. That stupid girl must have taken his jacket! That was the last straw, she was going to be sorry she ever met him. He began walking outside, but realized that without his jacket, he could not show his face in public. Drat! What to do?

Looking to the side, he spotted a pair of sunglasses with square frames he had never seen before. Of course! No one would recognize him in different sunglasses! He put on the square glasses and opened his front door. He stood there for a second, in his old beetleborgs t-shirt and square sunglasses, before squaring his shoulders and walking down the street. The foreign girl's time had come. After he had retrieved his jacket, he would get rid of her once and for all.

--------------------------------------

"Lee just stay still, if you move around too much she might get your eyelashes!" Alex tried to hold Lee's hands to his side, but in the salon chair he was in, that was easier said then done. The beautician stood nervously over them, holding a wax covered stick. That's right. Alex had convinced Lee to get his eyebrows waxed.

"I can not do it! If I lose my eyebrows, Gai-sensei and I will no longer be in sync with each other. My youthfulness may be destroyed!"

"Lee! If you sit down and be good I'll show you my mystic moon powers." Lee got a mad glint in his eyes. He held his fist up, and posed epically in the salon chair.

"I will learn your mystic moon powers, and with the power of youth I will defeat Neji--AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" As Lee was giving his speech the beautician was able to wax one of Lee's eyebrows. Alex nodded in satisfaction while Lee writhed in pain.

"See, that wasn't so bad, just one more and you're done. You have great hair, with smaller eyebrows and a change of clothes my work will be done! Bwhahaha!" Lee shook his head wildly

"No! You can not make me do that again! I refuse, I------------OW!" The beautician swooped down on him again, waxing off his other eyebrow.

"Oh, Lee you look so much better now! Once the redness goes away, you'll look great!" Lee whimpered in pain. Throwing some money at the beautician, Alex dragged him out of the salon, intent on taking him to the nearest clothes store. It was called _Le Chateau de Krape_. Why did this give him a bad feeling?

-------------------------------------------

Charlie was scoping out the area around the lake, looking for any signs of the fiendish masked vigilantes. She was about to expand her search area, when...

"Ow." She tripped over a log. Damn those inanimate objects were out to get her. This was Alex's fault. As Charlie was getting up she noticed a bright pink ID on the ground.

"Huh what's this? Name: Zorro, Height: 5'8", Occupation: Savior of Spain, In case of emergency: Give blue pill. AHHA! I have stumbled upon the identity of this masked villain. I must now track down this Zorro character and make him pay for his heinous crimes." Charlie epically shook her fist, and ran off into the sunset in pursuit of Zorro.

A few miles away...

"Are you sure you don't have any?" The salesgirl nodded nervously at the strange man with the square sunglasses.

"I'm afraid we don't have any coats with that description, perhaps if you try down the street..." Shino sighed in exasperation while shaking his head.

"Never mind." He muttered angrily under his breath while walking out of the store. Damn that girl! He couldn't find her anywhere, and when he asked Sasuke where she was, he told him to ask the ANBU black ops! Like that was going to help him. So he was forced to look for a replacement for his jacket. He sighed angrily and began walking down the street toward the next store, when he saw an ANBU black op running down the street holding a bright pink card. Shino followed the black op with his eyes, then shrugged. Oh well, the ANBU had always been an odd group.

------------------------------------------

"No Lee you have to take your green jumpsuit off when you try on clothes. You can't just wear things over it!" Alex was attempting to teach Lee how to dress cool when suddenly...

"Ah ha! I have found you, you dastardly fiend! Now you shall pay for your horrible criminal acts!" An ANBU black op AKA Charlie jumped in front of Alex and pointed an accusing finger at her.

"Oh shit they found me." Alex jumped into a clothes rack in an attempt to hide from the black op. Charlie was about to arrest Alex, when she sneezed making her mask fall off.

"Charlie? What do you think you're doing?"

"Arresting you! According to this bright pink I.D. card I found, you are a criminal!" Alex took her I.D. card back from Charlie and glanced at it.

"Charlie, this is my RAFT membership card. You designed them, remember?" Charlie blinked and took another look at the card, before pulling out her own neon orange one and comparing them.

"Oh you're right, what do you know..." At that moment, Shino walked over to them from the other side of the store. He had been browsing the clothes racks, looking for a replacement for the jacket Charlie stole. He strode angrily toward her, intent on reprimanding her and demanding his jacket back.

"Hey, you dumb girl! Wasn't it enough you ruined my reputation as a fearsome bug master and got me drunk? But you had to go and steal my jacket too? Give it back and I may not kill you." Charlie looked at the person yelling at her. They looked vaguely familiar, but she didn't know anyone that wore sunglasses like that. Oh he must be talking to someone else in the store oh well. She walked back over to Alex.

"So what are you guys doing? And who are you?" Charlie looked at Alex and Lee, the former of whom was grinning wildly. She turned to Lee excitedly.

"See Lee, she doesn't even recognize you! I told you it would work!" Charlie gasped in shock.

"Who's Lee?"

"Charlie you idiot, Lee is my loyal follower...oh wait, you never met did you? Charlie this is Lee, Lee, Charlie." Lee smiled politely.

"I am pleased to meet any friend of Lady Alex."

"Hey wait a second, you got a cool follower, all I got was Sasuke, and he's mean. Well, he did buy me ice cream, but still...this is cheap." Charlie walked off, muttering angrily about not getting a cool follower.

Meanwhile, Shino was still standing in the spot she left him in. She just walked away just like that, like she didn't care. Something was wrong here, maybe he worded that wrong. He walked toward her, still intent on giving her a piece of his mind. Just as he was about to open his mouth, she swept right past him out of the store, and disappeared down the street. He stared in shock. This couldn't be, she was obsessed with him before, how could she suddenly not care? Unless she was trying to lull him into a false sense of security. Yes, that must be it, she was trying to fool him. Of course, why didn't he think about that before? With that, he walked out of the store, pondering this new turn of events.

Alex turned to Lee, "Oh try this one on now!" She held up a bright red shirt. Lee looked aghast.

"I can not! This is not the color of youth! What if my skills deteriorate?" Alex sweatdropped.

"Uh, Lee I don't think that'll happen, but if you feel that strongly about it, try on this blue one instead." Lee took the shirt and held it in trembling hands, holding it up over his jumpsuit.

"Lee, you're going to have to take that off, here I'll get you some pants too." She looked the rack over before coming back with pants for Lee. He was currently tearing up in front of the mirror. How could he ever get rid of his beloved spandex?

"Lee green is not the color of the moon! Pink is! But I will not make you wear pink, it won't look good with your hair...Lee stop crying this instant! If you want to be cool and manly you must take off the jumpsuit. I said take it off!" It was at this point that Naruto happened to walk by. He stopped and stared at the two of them with wide eyes. Alex was currently trying to pull off Lee's jumpsuit, and he was crying while trying to stop her. Okay, not the best picture.

"Umm, Lee! What are you doing?! Stop stripping and put your shirt back on!" Naruto glanced suspiciously at the two before finally walking away. Alex sighed in relief.

"Okay, now take off your jumpsuit in the dressing room and put these on." At that, she shoved him through the dressing room door, throwing pants and shirts at him.

--------------------------------

Charlie walked down the street muttering about her bad luck with followers, when she spotted... an emo? They had emos in ninja villages? But how had her emo radar not gone off? At least she could recognize them from their backs alone.

"Goddamn emos in their skinny jeans and hair flips."

"Woman what are you muttering about?" Charlie looked up from her angry mutterings and saw Sasuke. She looked around.

"Huh Sasuke where'd the emo go? He was right here. He had a black outfit on with a funny pokemon symbol on his back."

"Idiot, that's me you're talking about." Charlie gasped and looked at him in terror.

"Sasuke how could you never tell me? I thought I was your best friend. How could you be an emo this entire time and never tell me?"

"What's an emo?"

"Horrible depressed maniacs who paint their fingernails and never show emotion, except for when they cry in the corner to get attention. Can't understand why all the girls love them, with their skinny jeans, and died black hair."

"Wait, what did you say?"

"Skinny jeans?"

"No, the part about all the girls liking them."

"Don't know why. With their black eyeliner and girly clothes."

"And I'm an emo?"

"Yes." Sasuke stood deep in thought. If he was an emo, and all the girls liked emos, then if he wasn't an emo then...he would have no fangirls. A conniving glint crept into Sasuke's eyes. "Charlie, can you help me not be an emo?" She nodded seriously.

"Of course! No friend of mine can be an emo! We must convert you immediately!" With that, she pulled him down the street, intent on showing him the error of his emo ways.

---------------------------------------------------

"Great Neji, you deflected all of them!" Neji stood unharmed in a clearing, surrounded by TenTen's weapons. They had been training for three hours straight, Neji intent on honing his skills so that he could finally confront that stupid foreign girl and defeat her once and for all! No more stupid misunderstands. Lost in thought, he didn't notice when TenTen walked up to him.

"That was great Neji! You're so strong! I bet you could beat anyone, not that you could have beaten them before, but now you're even more powerful..." Neji began walking away, ignoring TenTen. He was going to beat that silly little foreign girl, and make her pay for her stupid insults. He didn't look like a girl! He was manly! Manly and gruff! Yeah, he'd show her...

---------------------------------------------------

"Oh Lee you look so good! You're hair's so cool! No Lee don't touch it, you'll mess it up!" Lee and Alex were currently walking down the street after finishing Lee's makeover. Alex batted Lee's hands away, after he tried for the third time to feel his hair. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed someone following them. She blinked and turned around. About four girls were following them, attempting to hide so that they wouldn't see them. Oh well there must be a sale somewhere.

"Do you mind if we go get dinner now? We have not eaten all day, not that I am complaining, with all the work you did. I am very grateful." Alex beamed at him.

"No problem! I know, let's go get ramen at that one shop downtown. That place is really good." Lee nodded in agreement as they continued down the street.

Just a couple blocks away, Charlie and Sasuke were also heading to the ramen shop, after an intense two hours of de-emofying Sasuke. On the way, his fangirls were seen fainting from shock and falling into the streets. For Sasuke...was no longer Sasuke. He was clad in a bright yellow shirt and jeans, complete with a green baseball cap.

"Okay now Sasuke avoid black eyeliner, nail polish and skinny jeans, don't wallow in self pity, and be rugged and manly, and remember no matter how bad your life is there is someone who's life sucks more. Okay let's try out your new emo free nature. Oh there's a girl up ahead, she's really pretty, try talking to her, if she comments on how dark and sad your life is we failed."

"Charlie that's not a girl that's Neji Hyuuga. He's a guy."

"Oh, okay. Oh there's Alex. Hey, Alex! I made over my ninja too! Alex! Stupid Alex never listens. Hey, that Neji guy is talking to them. I wonder how she knows him. Dumb Alex, and her making dumb ninja friends."

With Alex

"I see you decided to take my advice. Is that mascara? It looks really good on you, really brings out your eyes. Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I am not wearing makeup. If you insinuate one more time that I am a girl, I will be forced to take action against your insults and defend my pride." Alex blinked at Neji.

"Can you tell me what brand that is? I'm running out." Neji growled in anger.

"That's it! Now you will have to prove your worth by facing against me in a fight. I will not let insults like that be directed at me without justly retaliating."

"You want to fight me?" Neji nodded. "Okay. Let's go." At that, she posed epically, waiting for him to start the fight. They stared at her. Suddenly, Lee jumped in front of her, shielding her from Neji.

"NOOOOO! Lady Alex you must not fight him!" Neji and Alex blinked and stared at Lee confusedly.

"Who are you?"

"Neji, it is I, your eternal rival, Lee the beautiful green beast of Konoha!" Lee's smile blinded Neji while he stared in shock.

"Lee? What happened to you? You don't look like...Gai-sensei anymore." Lee nodded seriously.

"Thanks to Lady Alex, I was able to change myself in order to become cool, and win Sakura's affection. I am now mysterious and handsome." Alex nodded her head enthusiastically in agreement.

"Lee's right I made him pretty. I can give you a makeover too and get you some better dresses, the one you're wearing is kind of shabby." Neji twitched in anger. That was it. He made a dive at Alex, who was able to move out of the way in time. She began running in a circle, with Neji chasing her.

Just then Sasuke and Charlie walked up. "Ah ha Alex I too have made up my ninja! He is no longer emo! Bask in his normalness. Hey! Are you listening to me? Why are you running in a circle? Pay attention to my de-emofied ninja!" Charlie started trying to yell at Alex every time she passed her while running from Neji. Sasuke just stepped out of the way and watched. Who thought Neji Hyuuga could lose it like that?

"No, Lady Alex do not worry, I will help you!" At that, Lee tried to rush in and save Alex, but at that moment, dozens of girls suddenly surrounded him, unabling him to move. They all had hearts in their eyes, and stared at him dreamily, before one girl asked him out. Suddenly, the rest of them became competitive, and they began yelling and fighting over him. Lee wailed in despair.

"Noooo, I am sorry Lady Alex, I have failed you!" Alex paid no attention as she continued to run from Neji. It was at that time that Shino appeared. He strode purposefully over to Charlie.

"I have made a decision---" Right then a wayward fangirl knocked into him causing his sunglasses to fall off. Charlie stared at him confusedly, before getting a dreamy look in her eyes.

"Wait, who are you? How could I not have seen you before...I love you!" Charlie, hearts in her eyes, began to walk towards Shino. Shino panicked.

"No, no what are you doing, get away from me...Let go of me! AHHH!" At that, Charlie began chasing after Shino, swinging around her chakra-infused chain, trying to lasso him. He screamed like a girl and began running around in circles, adjacent to Neji and Alex. Sasuke watched with wide eyes as the two chasees--Alex and Shino, were being put through the ringer by the chasers--Charlie and Neji. While that happened, Lee was being mobbed by rabid fangirls. Huh, how about that. Suddenly, Sasuke caught a movement out of the corner of his eyes. It was just one of his stupid fangirls, but, there were lots of them, and they weren't even looking at him. They were looking at...Charlie? They began moving out of the bushes and forming a mob. Then they began walking towards him. He tensed, expecting them to mob him. Instead, they all walked up to him solemnly, and bowed down in front of him.

"Sasuke-sama, we were horrified when we heard what happened to you, now that we see that it is true, we will avenge you by killing the one you call Charlie, and make you hot again! Fangirls! Assemble!" At that, they all got into battle positions, and launched themselves at Charlie, roaring in anger. Charlie paid no attention to them, and continued to chase Shino. Sasuke's fangirls began to chase Charlie and Shino, neither of them noticing seeing as they were too intent on other things. Neji was still chasing Alex, and Lee was trying to get away from his fangirls. Sasuke stood to the side and watched the scene unfold.

"Charge!" Lee had rallied his fangirls together in order to save Alex, telling them that because of her he had become dashing, and that they needed to save her. Lee led the way as his fangirls charged Neji and Alex. Just as they were about to reach them, Charlie and Shino zoomed by leading Sasuke's fangirls. Lee was able to make it through, but Lee and Sasuke's fangirl's collided, causing a massive dog-pile. Neji, Alex, Charlie, Shino, Lee, and Sasuke were all caught in the mess, running into fangirls and getting stuck under them. After the dust cleared, a massive pile of ninjas and fangirls lay in the street, blocking the area. Suddenly, an arm shot out of the pile, and Neji and Sasuke emerged from the top of the pile, both of them pulling someone out. They pulled out Shino and Charlie, the latter of which groaned in pain. Suddenly, Lee burst from the pile carrying Alex, and landed on the ground next to them.

"What the heck is going on here?" Tsunade strode purposefully toward the large pile of people, and glared at the ninja next to it. "Did you lot start this? I would have expected better of the ninja of Konoha! You can't just do what you want and cause fights in the street! You're not the only ones that live here you know. Shino, Neji, Sasuke, I expected better of you. I will arrange your punishments later. Alex, Charlie, after allowing you to stay in our village, I must say that I am very disappointed in the two of you. Until this mess is picked up, you have to stay in your apartment, and I better not hear about anymore problems about you two."

They looked down and nodded their heads, the other ninjas blushing in shame. Ever since Alex and Charlie showed up, it seemed like everyone was acting completely off their rockers. Including them. They all went off on their separate ways and went back to doing their everyday tasks. Lee went back to training, now with a fangirl entourage; Shino went to go study bugs, Sasuke went to train, now with no fangirls, and Neji went back the Hyuuga compound. Alex and Charlie were currently being escorted back to their apartment by Tsunade, who was ranting about their misbehavior. Suddenly, she stopped in the middle of her ranting and turned to look at them.

"By the way, our investigative team thinks that they may have found out how you two arrived here." The two of them looked at each other before looking back at her.

"Oh really...how about that." The two of them sped up, trying to reach their apartment before Tsunade continued.

"Apparently, some sort of large power managed to------"

"Oh look at that, here we are. So nice of you to escort us here Tsunade-sama. Buh-bye now." With that, they rushed inside and shut the door.

"So we're suck in here for awhile huh?"

"Looks like it."

"So, wanna break out the rum?"

"Heck yeah." With that Charlie pulled out two rum bottles from her emergency supply pack. She handed one to Alex, and took a swig. Looks like their confinement wouldn't be so bad after all.


	6. Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship! Away!

A/N: Thank you for the reviews, but we'd like even more. We only got two! Come on people, I know you can do better than that. If you like it, review it!

RAFT tip of the day: When going to a Frat party make sure the boy you're going with has a lower alcohol tolerance then you. That way he cannot take advantage of you.

Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship! Away!!

"Do you heaaar something?" Charlie looked out from her place under the table, smacking her head when she tried to get up.

"Your voice! Haaaaaaaa...who are you?"

"I'm! I'm...Your face! Bwhahahaha!"

"My face! No your not!" Just then, a crash was heard at the front door.

"Are you two idiots still alive?" Sasuke appeared in the kitchen, having finally broken down the door after they didn't answer it.

"Oh it's Petey the parrot! Petey, my friend let us go sail away into the sunset!" Sasuke looked at Charlie strangely. What was wrong with them? He looked over and saw a bottle next to Charlie.

"What are you two drinking?" Sasuke grabbed the bottle as Charlie continued on about sailing away with him. He sniffed the bottle. It didn't smell like sake. It smelled like...oh god. It was rum! They were spies, pirate spies. He had to get out, had to warn Tsunade and the others...why hadn't he seen it before...oh they were doomed, who knew how many pirates they had given their secrets to...oh-

"Sasuke! What are you doing here? Quick, drink this!" At that, Charlie shoved the bottle of rum in Sasuke's mouth, forcing him to drink it. "We're all in this together now!" Sasuke stood there stunned. He drank rum, he was no better than a pirate, and Charlie outsmarted him.

Sasuke stumbled, trying to remain sober, he had to get out of here.

"Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke, let's play tennis!" Alex proceeded to jump tackle Sasuke.

"Alex you dummy that's not tennis. That's football! Sasuke's the first baseman! Oh here you go, Sasuke drink up, you look thirsty." Charlie then went ahead and poured the rest of the contents into Sasuke's mouth. As his last coherent thoughts faded from his head, he struggled to keep awake. He must warn the others...must...play tennis...No...yes...tennis...

The next day...

"Give me my shoes!"

"No, that one's mine...ow!"

"Get your face off my feet!"

"Screw you!" Charlie and Alex were currently trying to get ready and get to the Hokage's office. A messenger had come to tell them that they were allowed out of their apartment, and Tsunade had wanted to see them. They scrambled to get ready and eat breakfast, forgetting about Sasuke, until Alex tripped over him on her way to the refrigerator.

"Hummned...ugh, no Itachi, that's my teddy bear. No teddy." Alex paused looked at Sasuke. She took in the fact, that he had no shirt on, was wearing an eye-patch and was cuddling an oven mitt. Oh well. She stepped over him and grabbed milk out of the fridge before going into the dining room with Charlie.

------------------------------------------------------------

"Seeing as you two cause too much trouble when you're on your own, and I was told that you have had training to be ninjas, I have decided to put you in a squad. This way there will always be someone I can trust watching you two. Sai, you can come in now." With that, Sai walked into the room and up to Tsunade's desk. He smiled.

"Hello. My name is Sai. It is very nice to meet you." The girls looked at him, then looked back at Tsunade. Just as they were about to say something, a strange fishnet-clad women with spiky hair burst through the window and landed on the floor.

"Anko reporting for duty. What's my mission?" Tsunade pointed to Charlie and Alex and Sai.

"This is your team. I expect you to work them hard and turn them into respectable ninjas. You are dismissed." With that, Tsunade turned back to her deskwork. Anko turned around to survey them. Before she could say anything Charlie jumped in.

"Oh team! Team team teamy team team! We need the best team name that has ever existed in the history of teaminess."

"Oh Team Alex!"

"No."

"We should not argue over a team name. We're all friends now. Super Friends."

"Friends. Hmmm. I've got it! We are now officially Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship!"

"Alright maggots move it!" With that Anko jumped back out the window. Sai smiled at the girls and followed Anko. Charlie looked over to the window, and pulled out her chain. She lassoed a flag pole outside and tired to swing outside. Unfortunately her foot snagged on the windowsill, causing her to trip, and plummet to the ground. She lay there sprawled out and unmoving. They stared at her as Alex walked calmly down the wall to the ground. They gathered around her and stared at her unmoving form.

"I'm hurt." Sai smiled happily at Charlie, and slung her over his shoulder.

An hour later...

"Alright maggots try again!" Charlie awoke to find Anko yelling at Alex and Sai, who were playing volleyball blinded folded with a bowling ball.

"Ahh, my eye!" Sai had got a bit too excited and hit the bowling ball right at Alex's face, where she now had a black eye.

"Keep going! Oh hey, you're finally awake, come throw bowling balls at Alex with us." Charlie stumbled toward Anko, who proceeded to hand her a bowling ball. "Alex needs help with her defensive skills, so we're giving her some motivation. Come on maggot no dinner if you miss another one!" Charlie looked at the bowling ball in her hand, then at Alex who was currently on the ground from a bowling ball in the gut, she shrugged and chucked the ball at Alex's head.

"Ah, goddammit Charlie you're supposed to be on my side! Throw bowling balls at Sai!" Charlie looked over to Sai who was smiling pleasantly, and waving his hand at Charlie. She picked up another bowling ball and pelted Alex.

Three hours later...

"Must go on...damn stupid team and their damn stupid bowling balls. Stupid bowling balls are supposed to be thrown at stupid bowling pins...I am not a bowling pin!" Must go on..." Currently Alex was about a half mile from the village, slowing crawling on the ground. After being pelted with bowling balls for three hours, she could barely move. As such, she began crawling after her team left her in favor of going to a bar and having a celebration. Damn them. Damn them all. Just then, she spotted someone farther along the road, and tried waving at them to get their attention. Instead, she ended up rolling over the ground in pain. "Ow."

"Lady Alex is that you? I have been training and witnessed a dying antelope. I came to aid it, and restore it to health, but I found you. Have you seen it?"

"No...not antelope...no more bowling balls mommy...ow my back."

"Oh Lady Alex you are wounded! What has happened to you? Were you injured in an epic battle against the foes of your kingdom? Lady Alex, you should have called me, I would have come to your aid! Oh woeful day, to have my friend mortally wounded when I was busy selfishly pursuing my own goals! Do not worry Lady Alex, I will avenge you!" With that, Lee ran off into the sunset to defeat Alex's enemies. She stared after him sadly.

"Help..."

At the bar...

_" In the moonlight...don't ya think about him,_

_Sistah you're much better off without him,_

_I can blow the blues a kiss goodbye,_

_Or put the sun back in the sky_

_But when he comes calling,_

_I'm not falling shout hurray and halleluiah..." _

Anko, Sai, and Charlie were currently singing karaoke and drinking sake. Just then the doors burst open and a strange jounin, with a pony tail that matched Anko's walked inside, with...Alex clinging to his leg?

"Would you let go of my leg now?"

"Alex! What are you doing on the floor? It's dirty. Where were you? You missed my solo. Who's this? Is he related to Anko they have the same hair. Hello male Anko! How are you? I'm Charlie, warrior princess of love and beauty, they call me warrior princess of love and beauty because I am the warrior princess of love and beauty."

"Charlie...shut...up..."

"Jeeze you're mean, what did some one beat you with a bowling ball or something? You look worse than that time with the hippogriffs. Here drink this." With that Charlie proceeded to dump an entire bottle of sake down Alex's throat. She choked and sputtered, before dragging herself into a chair across the table and glaring at Charlie.

"If I correctly remember, you did pelt me with bowling balls, and I told you not to mention the hippogriffs incident!" Charlie stared at her, before handing her more sake. "No Charlie, if I get drunk you'll just leave me here like you did earlier." Charlie blinked then turned to the male version of Anko, who was staring at them like they were crazy.

"You guys are those foreigners the Hokage warned us about aren't you. I see they put you on a team with Anko, that explains why that one was holding onto me earlier." Anko protested loudly but was drowned out by Charlie.

"Are you Alex's new ninja friend? Why does Alex get all the cool ninja friends? All I get is Sasuke dammit!" They all blinked at her before Shikamaru spoke.

"No I am not her new ninja friend, I just happened to be passing by and she latched onto me and wouldn't let go. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to be going." With that, he started heading toward the door, but Alex latched onto him again with teary eyes.

"You don't want to be my friend?"

"No." Alex looked up at Shikamaru with big eyes and began to cry. She signaled to Charlie who also began to cry, and Sai, who had just a bit too much to drink, also began sobbing. "Fine, damn troublesome foreigners." They all cheered and handed him a bottle of sake and dragged him to the table with them.

One hour later...

_"When I dance they call me macarena   
and the boys they say that I´m buena  
they all want me, they can´t have me  
So they all come and dance beside me  
move with me jam with me  
and if your good I take you home with me" _

Currently, Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship, Shikamaru, and about six other drunk ninja were on the dance floor doing the macarena, which was taught to them by Alex and Charlie.

"_Eeeh, macarena!"_ With that, they all stumbled around the dance floor drunkenly, attempting to keep dancing. Charlie grabbed a team of ninjas and proceeded to teach them the Robot.

"No, stiff arms. Choji stop shaking your ass!" Alex looked up from her drink, and saw Charlie's team of dancing ninjas.

"I see how it is Charlie. You're going down. Shikamaru gather the squad!"

"Aye, aye captain!" A very drunk Shikamaru replied. With that, she began teaching Shikamaru, Kiba, and what looked like some of Shino's relatives the hokey-pokey. Soon, the dance floor was filled with ninjas doing the robot and the hokey-pokey, Charlie and Alex leading the fray. Suddenly, the door opened and Naruto walked in, intending on spending some of his hard earned money on some yummy food. Instead he saw a bunch of drunk ninja fighting what appeared to be a paralysis jutsu while the others had formed a circle and had begun kicking, but then they twirled around and did the same thing with their arms, half of them falling over. He stared at the group for a moment, then walked out of the bar. This just wasn't worth it.

"Surrender and admit defeat, your pitiful group of dancing ninja will never defeat mine."

"Screw you bitch." Charlie and Alex were about to amp up the intensity of the dance off when Choji, jumped in between them, and began widely shaking his arms and hips to the music, taking out Charlie and Alex when he did a twirl and the splits. He then moon walked away to the bar. They stared after him for a second, then went to the bar for another round, dragging Shikamaru, who currently thought he was a bunny. He snatched a carrot from a nearby table and dashed to a corner, where he began nibbling on it, looking around uneasily. Alex stumbled over to him and grabbed his hair.

"No no silly rabbit. You can't have funny spike hair, you must have bunny hair. I will help you!" With that she fell over onto him accidentally, knocking them over. He squeaked nervously while she redid his hair, but stopped once she handed him more sake. "There, you're all done!" Shikamaru now had two cones on his head, which very much resembled rabbit ears. It was then that he decided that he was too beautiful, and it was wrong not to share his beauty with the world. Shikamaru climbed unto the bar counter, and started to strut his stuff.

"I'm too sexy for my love. Love's going to leave me. I'm to sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts." Shikamaru took off his shirt twirled it around his head, and threw it into the crowd that had formed below him. "I'm too sexy for Milan, New York and Japan." Shikamaru had started to take off his pants when Charlie and Alex stepped in.

"No! Shikamaru! Like this." The girls were about to take off their shirts when the doors blew open, and in walked a tall figure cloaked in shadows. Everyone in the room tensed in anticipation...

"Hey, no parties with out me. You girls are no fun." Jiraiya appeared from a puff of smoke and tried to pose seductively in the doorway. Alex and Charlie looked back and forth shifty eyed and quickly made up an excuse, about how they had to go. They tried to find a bathroom, or a phone booth to change into their RAFT outfits, but were unfortunately very drunk and easily distracted.

"Oh my gosh! Charlie look at this. Ooooooh. Awwwww. It's so cool."

"Captain, my captain, what are you looking at. Oh neato." Shikamaru looked over Alex's shoulder, when Anko and Sai appeared.

"New friends, why have we left the place of alcohol and singing?"

"Shhh Sai look at this."

"What is it?"

"What is it?! What is it?! What is it! I don't know, but it's really shiny. Oh let's go get some ice cream." With that, they all stumbled down the street, accidentally going into a coffee parlor instead, where they tried to drink coffee with forks. Angered by the fact that the 'ice cream' burnt their tongues, they left and went their separate ways, Charlie and Alex wobbling back to their apartment to sleep off the sake.

The next day...

"---and not a ninja in all of Konoha without a hangover! I'm sending you guys to a nearby village to investigate why the ranchers sheep have been disappearing. Don't come back until you remedy the situation. Dismissed." With that, Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship went on their merry way out of Konoha.

"Oh, this reminds me of the Wizard of Oz, Charlie you be Toto and I'll be Dorothy!"

"No! I'm not a dog, you be Toto!"

"No, you're Toto and I'm Dorothy and Anko is the Scarecrow, an----"

"What are you doing, some form of role play? That's childish and stupid." Charlie and Alex stared in horror at Sai.

"What the, I thought you were nice! You're not, you're mean. You stupid half shirt wearing fag! Go away!" With that Charlie tried to shoo him away. Alex began to cry. "Aww, look you broke her. Alex, don't be sad, what would Legolas say?"

"Who is that, one of your stupid characters in your little game?" At that, Alex roared and charged Sai, but before she could reach him, she was hit by a bowling ball. She fell and skidded on the ground as Charlie and Sai met similar fates.

"Alright maggots, let's get one thing straight... no pissing me off! I'm the boss, and we're a team now so listen to me or you'll be the academy's new targets. Now move it!"

At the village...

"And you say that two more disappear every night?" The farmer nodded and Charlie turned back to the others.

"Well gang, in order to figure out the secret behind this dastardly deed, we're going to have to split up. Anko-sensei, you come with me. Sai, you go with Alex. We'll meet back here in an hour." With that, they split up, looking for sheep-nappers.

Two hours later...

"When the villain comes around the corner he'll trip this wire, causing the net to fall and trap him. All right Alex, Sai go lead the sheep-napper this way, make sure to jump over the wire or else you'll get caught in the net."

"Uh Charlie that's great, but do we have to dress like this?" Alex gestured around to herself and Sai. She was wearing a sheep costume, and Sai was dressed as Little Bo Peep.

"Yes! Now get into character." Alex grumbled as she pulled the sheep mask over her face and got on her hands and knees.

"Baw baw."

"Oh dear how will I ever be able to guard my sheep all by myself, when I am so tried and week, from working in the corn field. Oh well I will take a nap, and assume no horrible beast will come and eat my sheep, as I sleep. My sheep with a bad leg, and a slow metabolism. Oh well. I will go lay down now. Oh yawn I am so tried. Snore, snore, oh snore I say snore."

"Baw baw baw." Suddenly, the bush near them rustled, and without warning, Alex disappeared. The remaining three ninja blinked, before Anko leapt over the bush. A creepy blue guy was currently trying to gnaw on Alex's leg, who began yelling obscenities. The man blinked, then ripped off Alex's mask. He stared at her for a second, then went back to gnawing on her leg. She began screaming, when Sai appeared out of nowhere and began hitting the blue man with his pink Little Bo Peep's staff. The blue man looked up at Sai and Alex, who had gotten away, and began chasing them. Alex and Sai ran to where the trap was waiting to be sprung. As they were running they weren't paying attention to where they were running and ended up tripping the wire. The net fell on them, and the big blue man began gnawing Alex's leg again. Just then Anko appeared behind him with a frying pan, and hit him across the back of his head, knocking him out.

"Charlie get the rope and tie him up." Just as Charlie was finishing the creepy blue man woke up.

"Ugh what hit me?"

"Anko."

"Ew that creepy thing was eating my leg, like gross."

"Alex this is clearly a mask worn to scare the natives. Give it a tug it'll come right off." Alex walked up to the blue man, and proceeded to pull on his face. When the mask didn't come off, she tried getting a larger chunk, and some hair. She braced herself and pulled as hard as she could. A large chunk of hair pulled off, and Alex fell down. The creepy guy screamed and tried to hit her, but she just smacked him and stood up.

"Charlie, I don't think that's a mask."

"Huh. Well jinkies what do you know." Anko peered at the guy closely before recognition flashed across her face.

"Hey I know you, you're in the bingo book! You're Kisame of the Village Hidden in the Mist." The man growled angrily and tried to stand up.

"So I see you've heard of me, what are you going to do now? Do you really think all of you can take me on? After I eat this one, I'll cut you all to ribbons!" Alex screamed again and kicked him in the face.

"You creepy fish thing! You can't eat me, fish don't eat people!" He grinned sadistically at her.

"There's a first time for everything." Drawing a double meaning from his words, Charlie decided it was time to take action. She grabbed the tail on Alex's sheep costume and jerked her away from Kisame. She leapt behind a bush just as Anko began chasing Kisame with her frying pan.

"Alex, this guy is a serious threat to RAFT, we need to eliminate him immediately!" Alex nodded.

"Right!" Charlie and Alex were about to change into their RAFT identities when...

"What are you two doing?" Anko looked over at the two of them from their hiding place in the bush.

"Um Alex lost a contact."

"Oh, alright well Kisame's taken care of for right now." The girls looked over Anko's shoulder only to see Kisame knocked out on the ground from Anko's frying pan, drool coming from his mouth. "Charlie go locate Kisame's sword, we'll take it into custody." Charlie saluted and pranced off. She blinked as she spotted it on the ground and walked over and sat down next to it. It was wrapped up in bandages, what kind of a sword was wrapped in bandages? She shrugged and unwrapped it, careful of the sharp petals covering it. Noticing how much they looked like daisies, she cheerfully began pulling them off like petals.

"He loves me, he loves me not. He loves me, he loves me not..."

"Charlie, where are you? Get over here."

"Okay, here ya go." She proceeded to hand Anko a stick. Anko blinked.

"Um, Charlie, I asked you to get Kisame's sword." Charlie nodded happily.

"I did, but seriously what kind of bad guy has a daisy sword? Must of been picked on as a kid, no wonder he's blue." Anko blinked.

"Um yeah, alright maggots, let's get this guy back to Konoha. Alex grab a leg and pull."

"Wait a minute, I was being eaten by this guy, while you three did nothing. Why do I have to drag him back?" They all looked at each other. "Sai is wearing a dress so it would be inappropriate for him to drag him, and Charlie is carrying his sword, so that leaves you." Alex grumbled angrily and proceeded to drag Kisame down the road.

30 minutes later...

"I spy with my little eye, something that is red."

"Oh, a ladybug."

"Wrong! It's the funny clouds on Kisame's coat."

"Aw goddamn." At that moment, Kisame woke up. As he opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was Alex's legs as she drug him along behind them. Kisame grabbed one and began gnawing on her leg. Alex looked down and screamed.

"Get it off! Get it off!" Anko came over and began to beat Kisame with her frying pan again.

"No bad fishy-man. No eating my maggots! The maggot isn't a sheep!" Kisame blinked.

"She's not? Oh well." Kisame was about to start eating Alex again, when Sai posed a question.

"Why are you eating sheep in the first place, should you not be out trying to start a war?" With that Kisame's eyes started to tear up, and he got a far away look in his eyes.

"You know it's not easy being blue, and looking like a shark. All I wanted was to go to a nice restaurant, and have a nice peaceful lamb chop, but no one wants to feed the big blue shark man. And when I finally find a restaurant that would feed me, Itachi decides that he needs to go and have his nails done, leaving me alone and hungry, with no money, and no means of dinner. So I was walked by a pasture and I happened to see a herd of tasty looking sheep. I decided to eat them instead, not only were they cheap, the portion size was bigger too." Alex and Charlie both burst into tears at this sad tale, and had to wipe their eyes. Sai and Anko simply stood their, looking at him in disbelief.

"You did this because you wanted a lamp chop?" Kisame nodded.

"Oh. I see. Now troops, there's a lesson in this: Don't eat other people's sheep when you're hungry. Got that?" Alex, Charlie, and Sai nodded. "Good. Well Kisame, you're going straight to Konoha now, hey what the? Where'd he go?" While Team Fuzzy pink friendship was busy with the lesson of the story Kisame had managed to cut through his bindings and was currently escaping.

"Ha ha, you may have stopped me from having my dinner, but you won't take me to Konoha. I'll be fine, no thanks to you meddling ninjas, and your sheep too! Ha ha!" Team fuzzy pink friendship stared as Kisame skipped away into the sunset.

"So sensei, how do we categorize this one?" Anko stared disbelievingly into the sunset before answering.

"Team, this never happened. When we get back, Sai is going to destroy the file and we're never going to speak of this again. We'll just tell Tsunade they miscounted the sheep or something. The ANBU will never let me live this down if they find out I let Kisame of the Seven Swordsmen of the Village Hidden in the Mist get away..." She trailed off with a far-away look in her eyes, before walking away. Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship looked at each other confusedly, before shrugging and following Anko's lead.

"Oh Sensei look on the bright side at least we got Sai in a shirt that covers his entire stomach."


	7. The Demasculinisation of Neji Hyuuga

A/N: Hello people! First update in what seems like ages, so please review!

RAFT tip of the day: If you are dancing and a creepy guy comes and tries to dance with you, quickly dance away and start a conga line and kick him when you dance by.

**The demasculinisation of Neji Hyuuga…**

"But I wanted to go shoe shopping!"

"No no no Sakura, that is too strenuous, after all, it's only been two weeks since you got out of the hospital. We'll go cliff jumping instead." Sakura sighed in defeat. Tsunade had assigned her to Alex for a few days after their team found she had a talent for medical ninjutsu. Unfortunately for Charlie, it was very uncontrolled.

"Okay fine, but after that, you're going to train."

"Sure, sure, let's go!" Alex grabbed Sakura by the arm, and pulled her all the way to the lake.

"Oh swim time, swim time, swim, swim, swim, hey Sakura what are you doing?"

"Something happened here, something great and terrible. I sense it. I sense…Sasuke with out a shirt!" Alex looked up from her back stroke, fangirls could sense those sort of things?

"How do you know?"

"…" Sakura said nothing instead she sat on the ground with a happy blank look on her face. She was dead to the world. Alex just shrugged, oh well more cliffs for her. She raced up the hill and was about to jump into the water when…

"NOOO!!!! Lady Alex! You must not jump, you have too much to live for! It will destroy your youthfulness! No Lady Alex you must defeat the enemies of your kingdom and regain your throne!"

Alex looked down at Lee, confused, she was only cliff diving. Oh well maybe she could use this to her advantage.

"Oh Lee! It's been horrible! My team throws bowling balls at me, blue people try to eat me, and Charlie drank all the ru--milk!" Lee came up to Alex with tears in his eyes.

"Lady Alex, this is all my fault! I was so consumed with becoming a splendid ninja, and proving hard work conquers all I was unaware of your plight! Oh Lady Alex is there anything I can do to make it up to you?" Alex looked up through her crocodile tears.

"Well you could…" Lee leaned closer to Alex to hear the next part of her request. He blanched, but he would do anything for Lady Alex!

"Alright! I will be back!" Alex clapped happily as Lee dashed off. Then, making sure he was far enough away, she leapt off the cliff with a Tarzan yell, scaring Sakura. Swimming to shore, she wondered idly how Lee would get the object of her desires. Just as she made it to shore, Sakura ran up to her.

"What the heck are you doing? Are you trying to kill yourself, what if you drowned, heck, I didn't even know you could swim! How do you think I felt? And how-----oh, hi Lee." Lee ran up to them, panting, a white bundle under his arm. He held it out to Alex.

"Here. Please use it wisely. I believe it would be unwise to provoke him any further than you already have----Lady Alex!!" She had stripped off her shorts and tank top, revealing her swim suit. Lee had covered his eyes and turned around while she struggled to get one of Neji's pretty dresses over her head. Finally fastening it, she spun around in a circle.

"Lee look! I'm just like Neji now! Except that this looks way better on me of course…." Sakura stared in shock at Alex, who was in Neji's clothes.

"Alex, why are you wearing that? If Neji catches you, you're dead!" Lee nodded.

"Indeed, it would be most harmful for you if he were to see you." Alex pondered their words for a moment, before happily skipping toward town, Lee followed her.

"Lady Alex, what are you doing?"

"I gotta go show Charlie, besides, Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship has another mission today!" She posed epically on the small hill before dashing away. Lee stared after her with starry eyes.

"So youthful!!"

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"Raindrops keep falling on my head, but that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red. They keep falling!" Charlie sang loudly and off key around Sasuke, who was still too traumatized over the rum incident to tell Charlie to be quiet.

Just as Charlie was about to break into a new song Alex appeared.

"Ah ha! Take that Charlie see how cool I am, oooh this will teach you to drink all the ru--milk." Sasuke was broken out of his rum induced trauma long enough to stare at Alex.

"Those are Neji Hyuuga's clothes. How did you get them?"

"You got ninja clothes? No fair! Quick Sasuke strip and give me your clothes!"

"No." Charlie looked up at Sasuke crestfallen and about to cry, when Anko and Sai appeared.

"Where were you two? We have a mission! Move it!" Alex and Charlie were dragged away by their ears.

"Alright you three, today we have a rescue mission. We are to retrieve Mrs. Pennywinkles."

"Oh who's Mrs. Pennywinkles? Is she some important diplomat, or a great inventor? Are evil ninjas after her?"

"Mrs. Pennywinkles is a cat."

"Oh."

"She got stuck in the tallest cherry tree on the west side of the city; we just have to get her back to her owner. Alright troops, follow me!" After a few minutes of walking and Sai staring strangely at Alex, they came to the tallest cherry tree in Konoha. They all looked up, but couldn't see or hear anything.

"Okay, Alex will go up on this side and Sai on the other side. Charlie will stay on the ground in case something goes wrong." Charlie saluted her and swaggered away. Anko stared after her suspiciously but turned her attention back to Sai and Alex as they walked up the tree. "Yell if you spot her!"

"Aye aye!" Alex disappeared into the boughs of the tree, once again leaving Anko confused. These girls did not have very ninja-like tendencies, they were almost like----no that couldn't be it. As Alex got into the higher branches, she spotted a small fluff ball near the top-most branches. She and Sai were opposite each other, and he motioned her to keep going up, she being lighter than he was. As she came near the small kitten, she saw that it was clinging in fear to a small branch. She awed at it's cuteness before trying to pick it up. It hissed at her and scratched her hand.

"Oww! That's not very nice kitty, I'm trying to help you, come to Alex!" The kitten hissed again before jumping to a higher branch. Alex grumbled and followed, just as Sai started yelling at her to come back down. With a crack, the branch she was on gave out. She managed to grab the kitten just as they began falling.

Charlie sat happily on a bench a few meters away from the tree reading an interesting magazine when someone walked by her and began talking to Anko, who was denying involvement in whatever he was accusing her of. Suddenly, they looked up at the tree in horror as a loud crash was heard. As Charlie looked up, she saw Alex land in a heap on her back right in front of Neji and Anko. Sai leapt nimbly down and stood beside them.

"Maggot! What happened, did you secure the target?" Alex nodded, her eyes still swirly, as she sat up and pulled the kitten out of the front of her dress. As she handed the shocked kitten to Anko, she noticed another pair of eyes fixed on her. Turning around, she was greeted by the sight of Neji staring at her in shock.

"What are you wearing?"

"Um, one of your pretty dresses."

"Why?"

"Because I decided to revamp your outfit, see I added pink sequins to the sleeves and a purple fur trim. I wanted to test it out before I showed you."

"Give it back now!"

"Oh I knew you would like the pink and purple, here you go." Alex started to take off her clothes when Lee appeared out of nowhere and jumped in front of her.

"NO Lady Alex! You must not! Think about your modesty and virtue!"

"Um Lee, I'm wearing a swim-"

"Here Lady Alex." In Lee's outstretched hand was a green jumpsuit, just like the kind Lee wore before his makeover. Alex stared incredulously.

"Lee I can't wear this. It isn't pink." Lee gasped and dug into his jounin vest and pulled out a pink jump suit.

"Here Lady Alex is this more suitable to your moon stature?" Alex nodded enthusiastically and put on the pink jump suit. Once she was dressed, Lee ripped off his clothes to reveal his green jumpsuit. Both clad in brightly colored jumpsuits, Lee and Alex ran off into the sunset. Leaving a very angry and confused Neji.

"Umm, okay team, since Alex has just ran away….it's up to us to return Mrs. Pennywinkles to her owner. Move out!!" With that, Anko and Sai began walking away. Charlie looked off toward the sunset where Lee and Alex disappeared, shook her fist, then followed them.

Neji stayed in the same spot, staring into the sunset, before leaning down and picking up his discarded clothing, now clad with pink sequins and purple fur. He stood solemnly, holding it to his chest, humiliated and unable to exact revenge. Suddenly, an evil smirk appeared on his face. He began laughing evilly until a civilian passed him and ran away in fear. He stopped abruptly and turned to go back to the Hyuuga complex. That girl would pay. He had a plan now. Tomorrow, she was finished.


	8. Attack of the Ninja Hounds!

A/N: Thanks to those who reviewed last chapter, though we are still sadened by those who do not review. Why? Why must you make us cry at night? Alas, woe is us.

RAFT tip of the day: In order to foil potential attackers, get earrings equipped with pepper spray. Be sure not to accidentally spray yourself. (Idea from first movie)

**Attack of the Ninja Dogs!**

"You know, we've been running a long time now, I'm getting hungry, what about you?" Lee stopped thoughtfully and nodded.

"You're right, I am also hungry. I suppose we should head back."

"Yeah, and I need coffee, now!!" At that, Alex turned around and began running back to Konoha, Lee hot on her trail.

"Oh Lady Alex, what a good idea, a race is a splendid way to train! Yes! On to the coffee shop!" Lee passed Alex with a burst of speed. Alex blanched and ran faster, barely catching Lee's dust.

"Lee!! Come back!! Aw screw it."

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"This is my fifth favorite flavor, try this one next!" Naruto pushed a bowl of ramen in front of Charlie.

"Naruto I could barely finish one bowl of ramen let alone five." Charlie was looking sick as Naruto continued to pour ramen down her throat.

"What are you talking about? You wanted to be a ninja, all great ninjas eat ramen! Why do you think I'm the greatest ninja ever? It's because I eat ramen for every meal." Charlie stared at Naruto like he had grown two heads, this was one delusional kid, if he thought ramen made the man. Everyone knows Wheaties is the food of champions.

"Come on, just one more bite." Naruto coaxed Charlie to eat the rest of the ramen while she stared at it suspiciously. Just as she was going to take a bite, Alex ran right into the back of Naruto's chair.

"Hey!! What do you think you----oh it's you." Alex got up from the ground and wound up to start running again, when Naruto grabbed her and sat her at the counter.

"Here, try this, it's my favorite flavor!" Alex stared at the bowl of ramen, then at Naruto.

"This isn't coffee." Naruto looked confused.

"No, it's ramen. R-A-M-E-N." He looked at her like you would a child and she pouted.

"I know! But I was following Lee, he was going to get me coffee! Did he go past here?" They both shook their heads.

"Shoot. Guess I'm stuck here then."

"Oh you're just STUCK here then! You didn't mind being stuck here when we were lost in Romania! But NO we're not your cool ninja friends! Who cares about us?! You know I have my own cool ninja friends too, but you wouldn't know now would you?! Well I do and they're twice as cool as your jumpsuit wearing, barbeque loving, cloud watching, boy chasing friends!" Naruto and Alex stared at Charlie as she continued her angry rant. Suddenly, Alex interrupted her.

"Wanna go find some cheesecake?" Charlie stopped midsentence.

"Okay. We never did find any last time."

"Yeah, I just remembered." They got up and began walking away, chatting happily. Naruto stared after them. Girls were weird.

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"There, at last revenge will be mine!!" The tall figure laughed evilly before stopping suddenly. "But first, I must take care of the other one….."

Nearby…..

"What if we just asked someone? I'm sure Sakura could point us in the right direction, she seems like the know it all type." Charlie shook her head stubbornly.

"No, we can find it by ourselves!" Alex sighed and they kept walking toward what seemed to be a brightly colored sign. It read 'Alex go this way, Charlie go this way. Without even thinking about it, they unconsciously followed the sign, each of them going in the opposite direction. Charlie continued to walk along her selected path until she saw a sign telling her of all the benefits of hot springs. After being thoroughly convinced by the advertisements, she decided to take a trip to the hot springs, never noticing Alex was not with her.

Meanwhile, Alex became aware that not only had Charlie abandoned her, she was now lost in a creepy forest with scary trees and no path to follow. Seeing a light up ahead, she followed it to a small clearing, surrounded by creepy looking trees. Hearing a branch crack, she spun around only to run right into someone. She squeaked and fell backward, before springing up again.

"You! What are you doing here?" Kakashi shrugged before looking around.

"You shouldn't be here, this is outside the village borders, it's not safe. Come, I'll escort you back in the village." Alex stared at him suspiciously before following him.

"How did you know where I was?"

"Lucky guess."

"Oh." He stopped suddenly, making Alex turn around. "What is it?" He narrowed his eyes, before pushing her back, behind him.

"What is it?"

"Someone's coming." While Alex was distracted trying to locate the enemy Kakashi pulled out a small spray bottle and squirted Alex, just then… a squirrel appeared.

"That was the enemy you sensed?!"

"Oh what do you know? My mistake." With that Kakashi disappeared in a poof.

"Hey I thought you were taking me back to the village? Stupid masked pervert, didn't want his help anyway." Alex continued muttering, while she attempted to find her way back. After walking around in circles for fifteen minutes, she realized that Konoha was north of her, and that moss grew on the north side of a tree. After checking the moss on a few trees, she got going in the right direction, finally coming out of the forest on what seemed to be a cliff. Frowning, she walked over to the edge…only to end up looking down on the village. She was standing on top of Konoha's version of Mt. Rushmore. Shit.

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Meanwhile, Charlie had gone into the hot springs, and was floating on an inner tube drinking sake. Suddenly, a loud splash was heard from the middle of the hot spring, and a creature rose up from the waves, its hair plastered to its face, a deranged look on its face. It raised it's arm slowly and pointed at Charlie.

"You." Charlie stared at the creature in horror. "Give it back. Give it back to me!" Charlie backed up trying to get away from the deranged creature.

"Give me back my jacket!" She stopped suddenly.

"Shino? Is that you? Have you come swimming with me? Yay, swim time!" With that, Charlie began to swim around Shino, who was still standing in the middle of the hot spring with an angry look on his face. Suddenly Charlie stopped mid-stroke, she was only in a towel and he appeared from the middle of the water...

"YOU PERVERT!" Before Shino could even react Charlie had gotten out of the water and was running to the locker room. Shino was left standing in the middle of the water.

"No wait my jacket, my jacket. You have my jacket."

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"Damn ninja Mt. Rushmore, just my damn luck they'd have one here too..." Currently, Alex was scaling down the faces of the Hokages using her trusty rock climbing kit, but was having trouble getting past the second Hokage's nose, which was rather large. Just as she was about to repel over the second Hokage's nose her keyhold broke and she went plummeting down the Hokages' faces.

"HOLY SHIIIIT----what the?" Just as she was about to crash, someone leapt and caught her, landing lightly on the ground. She stared.

"Hey there, haven't seen you around before...are you new here? Great! I'll show you around!" The strange man then turned around and began walking, still holding her.

"Who are you?"

"The name's Kiba, don't forget it. It's the name you're gonna be screaming tonight." Alex's eyes widened.

"Shit!!" She struggled and managed to break his grip before making a run for it.

"Aww, come on, baby we were just starting to have fun." As Alex ran away from Kiba, she heard barking from all around her, Alex looked back and saw Kiba. He was barking at her? Weird.

Alex continued running toward the center of the village, dodging venders, and little old ladies along the way, when suddenly...BAM. She ran into Neji.

"At last it is time for my long awaited revenge. Prepare yourself, I will not hold back." She panicked, and turned around, expecting to see Kiba behind her. He wasn't there, but the barking was getting closer. Shit.

"Neji, why don't you go braid your hair or something, this isn't a good time." Neji's eyes narrowed.

"Oh I think now is a fine time, now----" But he stopped and his eyes widened. Behind Alex, what looked like half the dogs in the city were coming to stand behind her, all wagging their tails. Suddenly, Kiba and Akamaru appeared within their number.

"There you are! You aren't getting away from me this time!" Alex screamed and ran right into Neji, who was backing away slowly, as all the dogs began growling at him at that moment. Alex, however, did not know this.

"Yeah, you should be scared, now go away, I have other things to do, like run away from this guy!" Neji turned back to her.

"Surely you've noticed-----" But he was cut off as Alex leapt on him in order to avoid Kiba. He landed flat on his back, with Alex on top of him, her hands on his chest. Wait a minute...

"You're a guy! No girl is this flat chested! Why did you lie to me?"

"I did no such thing. I told you I was male." Just was Alex was about to comment, Kiba came up to her and was about to say something dirty, when Alex panicked and threw Neji at Kiba before making a mad dash for it. They landed in a heap, Kiba jumping up again and running after her. Neji stayed on the ground. She had beaten him again. How did this keep happening? Why couldn't he beat her? He stood up and began walking away, intent on finding the error of his vengeful ways.

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"---and then I ran away." The man nodded sympathetically.

"That's a sad story. A nice pretty little lady like you needs to be treated better." Charlie nodded her head and agreed with the tavern owner. He looked very familiar, oh well ninjas all look the same to her.

"You know I've had my fair share of trouble as well. You see I am a struggling writer, trying to do research in this unforgiving town, but no one appricates my true genius." Charlie looked up at the man with tears in her eyes overwhelmed by the sadness of his story.

"Here you go miss, another refill. I know what you need, you need an older more experienced man to take care of you and appreciate you. Why don't you and your friend come by later and I'll read you some of my book."

"Sure, Sasuke needs to get out more often anyway."

"Um no I meant your other friend."

"Naruto?"

"No."

"Sai?"

"Other one."

"Shikamaru?"

"The red head."

"Red head?" As Charlie sat pondering who she knew who was red headed, Alex came running in.

"Charlie horrible things have been happening!"

"That one."

"Oh. Wait Alex what happened?"

"First I got lost in the woods, then the scarecrow came, I got stuck on Mt. Rushmore, I got hit on by a really creepy ninja, dogs are following me, and I learned Neji's been lying to me about his gender!" Charlie gasped in horror.

"That's terrible, we must take action against your misfortunes!" The two girls got ready to leave, then glanced at Jiraiya.

"Charlie, doesn't that guy look kinda familiar?" Charlie nodded.

"I thought so too, but the man we fought did not have a mustache." Alex nodded.

"You're right. For no man with a mustache can be evil!" With that, Jiraiya escorted them out of his 'tavern', them agreeing to go look at his books. While they were walking down the street, the barking from before got louder, and they were soon surrounded by dogs.

"Not again! Why does this keep happening?" All the dogs sat around Alex, wagging their tails. Jiraiya frowned and was about to speak, when shouting was heard.

"She's over there! That way Akamaru!"

"NOOO! Charlie save me!" She leapt behind Charlie, trying to hide behind her. Charlie turned around and crossed her arms.

"That won't work, I'm shorter than you."

"Jebidiah, you must save the day!" Jiraiya startled at his fake name, then nodded.

"Alright, let's see, we-----" At that moment, Kakashi poofed in front of them, effectively startling Alex and Charlie.

"You again! What do you want now!"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Isn't what obvious?"

"My revenge of course." Alex stared at him for a moment before speaking.

"I see. Well in that case..." With that, she took off her shirt, rolled it up into a ball, and threw it as far as she could. The dogs and Kiba chased after it, ignoring her. She sighed in relief. "That's loads better."

"Umm, Alex?"

"What?"

"You're not wearing a shirt now, you can't go around in your bra!"

"I don't care! I've had enough for one day! If I want to be shirtless, then goddamnit I'm gonna be shirtless!" Jiraiya agreed enthusiastically.

"Yes, don't listen to her, you do whatever you want to." Kakashi looked disappiontedly at Alex.

"How did you know I sprayed the dog pheremone on your shirt?"

"Lucky guess. I was going for my pants next." Jiraiya looked at Alex with a serious expression on his face.

"You know you should remove your pants just in case any of the pheremone is still on you." Charlie looked at "Jebidiah" suspiciously, she was about to comment, when Alex started to take off her pants, just then Jiraiya got a nose bleed. Alex stopped and both her and Charlie stared at the old man in horror, for "Jebidiah's" mustache had fallen off, revealing to the girls his true nature. Alex panicked.

"Oh shit I'm not wearing a shirt. Quick Charlie give me yours! Wait that would do us no good. You!" Alex pointed dramictially at Kakashi. "Give me your shirt!" Alex attempted to tackle Kakashi and steal his vest, only to miss and grab a piece of wood instead. Charlie, thinking quickly, pulled a table cloth off a table and threw it on Alex. Now covered from head to toe, Alex stood safe from Jiraiya's wandering eyes.

"Ah ha! That dilemma is solved! Now for----NO what are you doing?!" A large toad had come up behind Alex and had began eating the tablecloth. Alex was heard crying from beneath it. Charlie, panicking and not knowing what to do, began looking around for something to help them. Squinting, she spotted a familiar person with black hair walking toward them...

"LEE! QUICK, ALEX IS IN TROUBLE!!!!" She pointed to the table-cloth covered Alex and Lee gasped in horror and sped toward them, grabbing Alex and running away into the sunset. Charlie swore.

"NO LEE, OVER HERE!" Lee sped back past Charlie, toward the girls' apartment. Charlie sighed in relief. She looked to her right. Jiraiya was still there. Shit.

"Um howdy ho so long, far well, aufwiedersen, good night." With that, Charlie began tapdancing away from Jiraiya down the streets of Konoha. He stared at the spot they had been standing in a few minutes previously sadly, before sighing and walking away. Why do all the pretty ones run away?


	9. Headband Things!

A/N: I thank you twiggy-shino and garrett for reviewing, however I can not say the same for the rest of you. We can not survive on two reviews alone. Therefore the rest of you slackers have to get with it. Please?

RAFT tip of the day: Beware of dark tunnels at night. It is likely zombies will attack. In order to prevent this, you must find a cure for the t-virus. If that is not possible, develop the antidote to pufferfish venom.

Headband things!

"God, stupid perverts and their stupid pervert ways and..." Charlie had been about to enter the living room of the apartment her and Alex shared, when she noticed a large mass of blankets and furniture set up in the middle of the room. Hearing giggling, she snuck closer. The giggling got louder as she focused on one area. She tip-toed over to it, and ripped off the blanket. Lee and Alex stared in surprise.

"Charlie! You have also braved the fearsome storm! Hurry come in quickly!" Charlie crawled under the table with Alex and Lee.

"What are you doing?"

"Camping out from the storm." Charlie looked outside the window. It was perfectly sunny and birds were singing.

"Storm?" Alex nodded happily.

"Lady Alex decided it would be a youthful adventure to build a fort out of blankets and camp out."

"Oh, okay, pass the popcorn." They played 'fort' for a while longer, before a knock was heard on the door. They all gasped.

"I'll get it!" Charlie leapt out of the fort and ran to the door, opening it to reveal Sai. "Hi Sai!"

"What are you doing? Anko-sensei sent me to come and get you two; we have training to do."

"Oh no Sai we can't train today, we must defend the fort against the evil British soldiers, who have come to destroy our way of life." Sai looked inside.

"I don't see any evil British soldiers." Charlie leaned toward him and whispered.

"That's because they're not here yet." Sai ohed in understanding. Suddenly Alex pulled up the blankets, revealing her and Lee.

"Sai! Are you going to come in?" He looked at Alex and Lee in the fort and shrugged.

"Okay." Sai and Charlie crawled under the blankets and sat down with Lee and Alex, who pulled a flashlight out of nowhere and shined it in her face.

"One time a mongoose was in the basement of these people's house. The mongoose was normal until one day it witnessed a horrible event of it's children being turned into fur coats. The mongoose went insane and started killing the family in their sleep, until only the little boy was-, yes Sai what is it?" Alex stared at Sai, who was holding his hand up.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm telling a ghost story. Haven't you ever been to a sleepover before?"

"No." Alex and Charlie stared at him in horror.

"What about going to a fair, or making snowmen, or making cookies, and playing hide and go seek, or finger painting?"

"No."

"Dear god man what did you do as a child?"

"Lived underground and trained." Alex and Charlie looked at each other horrified and then looked at Sai with a determined look.

"We will give you a childhood Sai!" Sai stared at them.

"How? I'm already an adult."

"It doesn't matter! Everyone has an inner child, we just have to find yours!" He suddenly looked interested.

"I read in a book once that a person's childhood and the manner in which they were raised effects their emotional well being and what kind of adult the person will become." Charlie and Alex nodded. "Perhaps if you two show me how to unlock my inner child, I will have a better understanding of emotions." The girls nodded enthusiastically.

"Okay then, first lesson, we will teach you to hug. Lee! Alex! Demonstrate!" They both looked at her and blinked.

"Lee pretend Alex is Gai-sensei and the sun is setting." Lee immedietely got tears in his eyes and dramatically hugged Alex, effectively crushing her spine. Sai looked on with what he thought was wonderment and understanding.

"I see, let me try." Sai proceeded to grab Alex, wrapping his arms around her, before crushing her spine just like Lee.

"Close, but next time use a little less force. I think Alex is blue in the face." Suddenly a person burst through the window and landed on the floor.

"Maggots! What the heck are you doing? We have training, move it!" She blinked. "What are you guys doing to Alex? Oh I see, you're doing pressure resistance training. Good job." Alex fainted. Both boys looked at her.

"Ah, I see this hugging is very versatile. It can also be used as an effective weapon." Charlie sweatdropped.

"Um, not really...but oh well! We'll go on to the second lesson."

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"We're giving Sai a childhood Anko-sensei." Anko nodded.

"I see, in order to improve his emotional depth and gauge his enemies state of being in order to better predict their movements." They all blinked.

"Sure." Anko nodded.

"I see, good job team." They all proceeded to crawl back into the fort, dragging Alex with them.

"Okay next lesson, sleepover etiquette. When on a sleepover remember to gossip, paint people's finger nails, and pig out on junk food. Lee get the brownies." Lee saluted and ran out of the fort in pursuit of baked goods. "Okay Sai give me your hand. Anko start gossiping." As Anko starting talking about the going ons of the jounins Charlie started painting Sai's nails a bright pink. Lee came back with the brownies and they all munched on them happily. Alex stirred feebly.

"I smell chocolate..." She got up and joined the others, reaching for a brownie. Lee saw her and rejoiced.

"Lady Alex, you have awoken!" He reached to hug her again but Alex screamed. Sai, thinking it was time for another hug, also reached for Alex. Luckily, Charlie intervened.

"Sai! Your nail polish is still wet! Don't do anything until it dries." He blinked and sat back. Alex sighed in relief. Just then the doorbell rang again. Alex got up this time, intent on walking out the kinks in her spine. She opened the door and let in a tall man in samurai armor.

"I sensed you had crunchy snacks here." Alex let him in, and he joined them in the fort.

"Charlie, this is Chouji. He let me eat with him and his friends one night, he wants the popcorn." They passed him the popcorn.

"Oh hi you're just in time I was about to start the story telling part of the childhood lessons. Grab a seat and open your imaginations! It's story time!" Charlie proceeded to pull a book out of nowhere.

"Would you eat green eggs and ham in a box, would you eat them with a fox. No I would not eat them in a box or with a fox. I would not eat green eggs and ham, Sam I am." Charlie continued to read Dr. Suess while Lee absorbed everything the wise doctor was teaching. Sai wondered how this was teaching him to be a child, and why this Sam character was such a busybody. Choji decided he too wanted green eggs and ham. Meanwhile in the corner Anko was telling Alex about how she would sleep with this Suess character, because she could put his imagination to good use. Alex looked slightly ill. Suddenly a loud bang was heard as the door clattered against the wall. Naruto stood in the doorway.

"Hey! What are all you guys doing in here?" He pointed at the group of them in the fort and blinked. "Ehh? What are you doing playing around? You owe me ramen!" He pointed at Alex accusingly. Charlie jumped up.

"Hey, don't you know it's polite to knock first?" He sweatdropped.

"Oops, sorry. I was hungry and was trying to find Alex. She owes me ramen!"

"Alex can't buy you ramen right now, she's busy helping me give childhoods to people. Sit down and have a brownie if you're hungry." Naruto obeyed Charlie's order and diligently sat down next to Choji. Charlie resumed her story.

"Would you eat them on a train, would you eat them in the rain?" She kept on reading, unaware that some of her audience was losing interest. She finished and looked up. Sai and Alex were playing rock-paper-scissors, Lee was staring at her with starry eyes, Naruto was arguing with Anko and Chouji about the existence of green eggs and ham, and Kakashi was reading his book. Wait a second...

"Hey! When did you come in here?" Kakashi looked up.

"Oh I've been here awhile. Nice story by the way." She gaped at him, then turned her attention to the orange book he was reading.

"You have brought a book for storytime? Huzzah!" She grabbed Kakashi's new Icha Icha book from him and stared in puzzlement, tipping the book sideways.

"Is that even possible?" Alex came up behind her and peered at it over her shoulder.

"I don't think people can bend like that. Whoever wrote this has obviously never attended yoga class." Kakashi grabbed the book back from them.

"People can too bend like that I've seen it. You two have just not had enough bending practice." Off in the distance a cry of what sounded like "I can help" was heard. Both girls shook their heads.

"I don't believe you. I've done yoga and pilates and I don't think it can be done." Alex agreed.

"It can too be done, but the woman has to build enough momentum to get her legs like that."

"Okay but how would she hold them like that without hitting the guy, and how would he get in that postition to begin with?"

"Chakra build up."

"Then a normal person wouldn't be able to do that. It doesn't say that this is between ninjas."

"Chakra build up can be taught to anyone willing to learn. This is something a person should learn."

"Not where I come from. Whoever writes this shouldn't put stuff like this in books that people are likely to try. Honesty, someone's gonna pull a muscle." Before Kakashi could respond, Gai burst through the open door frame.

"Helllllllooooo fellow youthful children of the spring, and Kakashi my eternal rival! Lee my student where have you been we are to leave for a mission soon." Lee looked up from his game a tic-tac-toe he was playing with Sai.

"I have been engaging in activities of youthfulness with Lady Alex and her court." Everyone looked up at Lee with confusion in their eyes. Just then Gai came over to Lee and gave him a mighty hug.

"What a good student you are Lee. What is this you are doing?"

"Tic-tac-toe, a game Lady Alex taught Sai and me." Gai considered the game for a second, before dramatically pointing at Kakashi.

"Kakashi, my eternal rival, I challenge you to a game of tic-tac-toe. If I lose I will do two thousand flips around the village." Everyone sweatdropped. Tenten stepped in through the doorway.

"Sensei? Neji is waiting at the gate." She came inside to stare at him pointing at Kakashi. "Nevermind." Kakashi looked bored as usual and stared off in the distance as Gai ranted about how he would defeat him.

"------shall bloom once again!" Kakashi blinked.

"Sorry, what did you say?" Gai face-planted.

"So cool!" Just as they were about to start, a loud voice carried in through the open doorway.

"Just what the heck is going on in here? Why are all of my ninjas playing under a sheet when there are missions? Why is Sai choking Naruto?" Everyone looked over to where Sai was practicing his hugging technique on Naruto. "And why has no one responded to my summons?" Tsunade was pissed. Alex and Charlie pointed over to Choji.

"It's his fault!" Choji looked up from his brownies surprised and angry.

"I doubt that seeing as this is your apartment and everytime you two have free time you end up distracting all my ninjas from more important things."

"We do not."

"You got them all drunk and now they're playing like children!"

"Touche." Tsunade sighed and rubbed her temple.

"Everybody out. I don't care if you don't have a mission, go train or something, there is something I need to discuss with these two." Everybody filed out the door, Lee and Sai stopping to hug Alex, who started hyperventilating. After everybody had left, she turned to the two of them with a serious expression on her face.

"Unfortunately, there have been no new leads on how the two of you ended up here, but your visa here is about to expire. The only way for the two of you to remain here is to become citizens of Konoha." The two girls looked at each other, then back at Tsunade. "Since you are on a squad, the easiest way to do this would be for you to take the test to become genin." Alex rose an eyebrow.

"That would make us citizens?"

"Yes, as one must be a citizen of Konoha to become a shinobi, we'd be killing two birds with one stone."

"Okay, so when can we do it?" Tsunade rose an eyebrow.

"Your visa expires in a week, but if you feel you need no more training..." Both girls nodded.

"Nah, we're good."

"Yep, Anko-sensei taught us well." Tsunade nodded.

"Alright then, come to the academy later this afternoon. I will have one of our instructors test you." The girls saluted her as she left.

"How do you study for a ninja test?"

"Well let's see what are the things we've learned from ninjas?"

"Ramen is the best food ever, ninja guys look like girls, bowling balls cause concussions and hallucinations, never steal a ninja's book, blue sharks eat people, and youth is almost as important as love, beauty, and justice. How is that going to help?"

"You're right we're going to have to cheat."

---------------------- Later that afternoon---------------------------------------

The girls stood in an office of the academy after spending the entire morning trying to write everything that could help them cheat on their hands. A ninja with a spiky ponytail and a scar over his nose entered the room.

"You two must be the girls Lady Tsunade said she was sending. Miss Alejandra will go first, Miss Brown you have to leave the room now." Charlie walked out of the room, leaving Alex with Iruka. He smiled kindly.

"My name is Iruka, and I teach the academy students. Lady Tsunade told me you two are going to become citizens here." Alex nodded. "That's good. We've never had any foreigners join the village before, it will be good to have some new blood." She gave him a strange look. He blushed. "That didn't come out quite right. Anyway, let's get on with the test, shall we?" Alex nodded and prepared for him to hand her a test, but instead he told her to go stand in the middle of the room. Where was her desk and number 2 pencil?

"Alright Miss Alejandra please perform the transformation justu." Alex stared at him like he was daft, transformation what?"

"Um.."

"Change your appearance to that of another person."

"Oh." She could do this she loved dress up. Alex pulled a pink pen out of her shirt and waved it in the air, surrounding herself in sparkles. When the sparkles disappeared a slutty blonde nurse stood in Alex's place. Iruka then proceeded to get a nosebleed.

"Um, very good Miss Alejandra, here is your forehead protector." Iruka could not keep the blush off his face as Alex claimed her headband.

"So headband thingys make people ninjas? Weird." Alex walked out the door and sent in Charlie. Iruka had finally recovered.

"Ah Miss Brown your turn now. Please proceed to the center of the room and perform the transformation jutsu." Just then Alex's voice was heard from behind the door.

"He wants you to change your appearance!" Charlied ohed in understanding and pulled out of pair of joke glasses with a fake mustache and put them on her face.

"Tada." Iruka sweatdropped.

"That's not what I meant."

"Well you didn't say how or who now did you. I changed my appearance now give me a headband thingy." Iruka sighed.

"I mean you have to change your appearance using a jutsu, build up your chakra and whatnot. You did learn that, right?" Charlie gulped.

"Sure I did, say, would you mind turning around for a moment?" Iruka blinked.

"Why?"

"I'm a girl, don't question me." Iruka blinked and turned around. He couldn't really argue with that. Charlie panicked and tried to find something in the room to disguise herself in. Just then she noticed Shino peering at her from outside the window, looking forlorn and lost. She ran over and opened it, gesturing to him to be quiet.

"But I want my-----"

"Sure sure, just come here."

"Miss Brown, is everything alright?"

"Just a moment!" Charlie dragged Shino to the middle of the room then jumped behind a desk. "Okay!" Iruka turned around.

"Wow, that's very impressive Miss Brown, alright here's your forehead protector." Shino blinked confusedley as his old teacher gave him another headband and shook his hand.

"But I'm not----"

"Now now, no need to be modest. Your friend is waiting outside and I'm sure you'd like to celebrate, have a good day!" He shoved Shino out the door into Alex. He saw her and blushed, and stumbled back into his classroom. Meanwhile Charlie had jumped out of the window and was trying to make it back to Alex and Shino.

"Jeeze Charlie why did I know you would turn into Shino? Wait how did you do that anyway? You don't know any jutsu."

"I'm not-"

"BOO!" Charlie jumped in from the window and landed by Shino and Alex.

"Charlie there are two of you! Why did you never tell me?"

"This is actually Shino. He came in the nick of time to save my butt, so that we can be ninjas together. Give me that." Charlie pullled her headband out of Shino's hand and tied it around herself. She then grabbed his hand and pranced away. Alex stood in front of the academy, wondering what the hell she was supposed to do now, when Iruka walked out. He started when he saw her, then looked away. Alex walked up to him and looped an arm through his.

"Hey baby got any sugar?" Iruka started blushing like crazy "Cause I'm craving some doughnuts." Alex lead Iruka away by his arm to the bakery to buy her a doughnut. He grinned nervously and laughed.

"Ha ha, very funny, haven't heard that one before..." He eeped as Alex leaned toward him.

"What are you talking about honey, when I'm done with you, you won't be able to move." His eyes widened as she led him away, clutching her sweets. Yep, those doughtnuts were filling alright. Iruka, however, seemed to think the opposite. He could not stop blushing and having a nosebleed. She blinked, oh well.


	10. Lambchop and the friend of Sasuke's

RAFT tip of the day: Always carry a brick in your purse in case creepy men try and assault you. Hit them with it as you make your getaway.

A/N: Yay reviews! Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, let's try for more this time!

Lampchop and the friend of Sasuke's

"How about this?" Alex had tied her hitai-ite around her head like a bonnet, tying it under her chin.

"No no, like this!" Charlie took Alex's hitai-ite and proceeded to try and braid her hair with it.

"Oh this is no good I need to remove the metal thingy in order to braid your hair, give me that knife I'll cut it out." Charlie started to cut out the metal symbol, when Naruto came into the ramen stand the girls were eating at.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to braid Alex's hair, but the damn metal thing needs to go."

"You can't get rid of that! It's your hitai-ite. It means you're a ninja!"

"Fine then you braid Alex's hair!"

"Ninjas don't braid hair!"

"Here are your orders." Just then, Alex and Charlie's food came, stopping their argument. Naruto sat down next to them as they ate.

"I can't believe they actually made you two genin! Wow and here I thought they were just humoring you, did----" Sai cut him off as he walked up to them.

"Comrades, the Hokage requests our presence in her office." Charlie and Alex got up and followed Sai, leaving Naruto with their uneaten food. He was about to eat it when Alex rushed back into the restaurant, and grabbed her food, leaving Naruto very sullen looking.

------------ Later at the Hokage's Office ------------

Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship was assembled in Tsunade's office. Alex was off in a corner eating her food, and Charlie was attempting to explain the importance of touching moments to Sai. Anko was the only one paying attention to their orders.

"I need you four to go to a nearby village locate a man at the local hotel and give him this." She set a black briefcase on her desk. "He'll know what it is. Just make sure no one sees you and you aren't followed. Here's the address." She gave a slip of paper to Anko, who turned to the others.

"You hear that maggots? Get moving!" She picked up the briefcase and they left the Hokage's office. "I'll give you an hour to get your things then we meet at the gate, understood?" They nodded. "Good." With that, they all left to go to their respected houses or living quarters. Alex and Charlie reached their apartment and began to pack their things, Alex stuffing a few necessities in a messenger bag, while Charlie proceeded to put everything she owned in her orange backpack. Alex stared, already completely packed.

"Um, Charlie…we're only going to be there for one night, I don't think you'll need all that."

"Yes I will! You never know when nail polish remover, duct tape, hangers and nitroglycerin will come in useful."

"But do you need the fish food?"

"Alright I'll leave that but I'm taking the duct tape." Charlie removed most of the things from her backpack and girls set out for the gate. When they got there Sai and Anko were already waiting.

"Alright maggots let's get going." Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship set out, but it wasn't long before Charlie and Alex got bored.

"I see with my little eye something green."

"Grass."

"No!"

"Leaves?"

"Get out of my head!" Sai gave them an odd look while Charlie stared suspiciously at Alex. "What am I thinking about now?" Alex sighed.

"Erik?" Charlie gasped.

"How did you know? Are you---" Anko held up her hand.

"Hold on maggots, we'll take a five minute break, I'll be right back." With that, she jumped into the trees and disappeared, leaving Sai with the briefcase. They all looked at each other.

"Quick Sai hand me the briefcase."

"Our instructions were not to open it."

"Sai an important lesson in childhood is snooping when you're not supposed to. Now hand me the case, and gain back part of your lost childhood." Sai handed the case over to Charlie, who then opened it. Everyone gasped when they saw what was in it.

"Holy shit! Look at all that money!" Alex and Charlie quickly glanced at each other before they started stuffing wads of cash down their shirts. Sai tried to stop them, but they ran around stuffing it in their pockets and down their shirts. He came up with a plan.

"Alex, since we are continuing our childhood lessons, will you give me a hug?" Alex looked at him warily, before walking closer. Once she got closer, Sai grabbed her and 'hugged' her while stealing back all the money. Charlie had run up behind Sai and stuffed some of the money in his pockets before running and sitting innocently on a rock just as Anko walked back into the clearing.

"Sai! Alex! What are you doing?" Alex held up her hands, all remaining money out of sight, while Sai blinked, holding wads of cash. Anko gasped.

"Sai were you stealing Lady Tsunade's money? Good girl Alex, way to try and keep your teammate out of corruption. Sai you're on probation for the rest of the mission you are not to leave my sight." Sai looked back at Alex and Charlie who were sitting innocently on a rock. He learned a valuable childhood lesson today, never be the scapegoat. He looked at the girls with what he hoped was anger and betrayal.

------------ A few hours later --------------------------

Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship arrived at the village. The team walked up to a hotel Tsunade had directed them to, and went inside.

"Go into the room and wait for me there. Alex since you have proven yourself the most responsible you're in charge of Sai, make sure he doesn't engage in any more acts of corruption." Alex saluted Anko as she walked off to deliver the money. They went up to their room and put their things inside, while Sai glared suspiciously at them. He walked up to Alex.

"Alex, could I have another hug, to show there are no hard feelings?" Alex nodded and walked up to him. He smirked before grabbing her and crushing her.

"Sai you bastard, let go can't breathe….." Sai released her and stepped back.

"Oh I'm sorry, did that hurt, my apologies…" He walked to the other side of the room and sat down, pulling out his sketchbook. Charlie looked at Alex, who was laying on the floor.

"I think I broke a rib."

"I could have fixed that but someone said the 'how to fix every broken bone in the human body' book won't come in handy."

"Shut up." Charlie just shrugged and walked over to the window. She was people watching when suddenly…

"SASUKE!" Charlie had spotted a tall black haired brooding male. She rushed out the door, and ran into the street. Alex was about to follow her when Sai spoke up.

"Anko-sensei said not to leave the room until she came back." Alex started at Sai until an idea came to her.

"She also put me in charge, so whatever I say goes. Stay here, and guard the ice bucket Sai. Guard it with your life!" With that Alex ran out of the room. Sai glared at the door. If he knew what emotions were, he would've said he hated them, but seeing as he did not understand emotions he went back to sketching his picture of a bare chested Sasuke and Neji.

Meanwhile Charlie had been trying to locate Sasuke. She spotted him entering a bar and followed him in. She found him sitting on a bar stool, and went over to him.

"Sasuke what are you doing? I thought you stopped drinking after the oven mitt incident. Sasuke, hey Sasuke pay attention to me damn it!" The man turned around and looked at Charlie.

"Oh Sasuke what deep circles under your eyes you have." The man stared at Charlie.

"You know my brother?" Charlie blinked.

"Sasuke you have a brother? Oh when can I meet him?" Itachi stared at her.

"I am not Sasuke." Charlie stared at him, before continuing.

"Sasuke I left my wallet, buy me drinks!" Itachi's eye twitched.

"I told you, I am not Sasuke."

"Oh Sasuke you're so silly, I want one of those!" The strange foreign girl who thought he was his little brother pointed to a large mug of beer. Itachi squinted at it, wondering why she wanted something like that. Just then, Charlie looked down at Itachi's hands.

"Oooo, I love your nail polish, did you get a manicure?" Itachi perked slightly, finally someone noticed!

"Yes, down the street." Charlie gasped excitedly.

"I want one too! Then we can get matching pedicures! Come on!" She drug him out of the bar, chatting about how cool their nails would look and how they should get margaritas while getting their pedicures.

Meanwhile on the other side of town Alex was wandering around looking for Charlie or a new man to buy her drinks and give her sugar. As she was passing a shop, she happened to look inside it, and froze. Shit. Alex started backing away slowly and was about to turn and run away when suddenly…

"Lambchop?" Kisame appeared from the store. Alex started screaming and ran away as fast as she could. "Wait Lambchop come back I just bought a new roaster! We could try it out together!" Alex continued to scream her head off and run away. Kisame promptly started chasing her.

"I'm not a sheep! You can't eat me!"

"Its okay sweetie. We can work through it I don't mind!"

"I do!" While Alex was looking back to yell at Kisame she ran into a pole, allowing Kisame to catch up with her.

"Oh Lambchop I'm so glad you decided to stop running away. Let's go have a romantic dinner." Kisame grabbed Alex by her leg and started dragging her away. Alex was screaming the entire time. As he dragged her behind him down the street, she saw Sai waving merrily at her from their hotel window. She shook her fist at him.

Meanwhile, a few blocks away, Charlie and Itachi exited the nail parlor, admiring their manicures and pedicures.

"Oh this is great, now we match!" She looked down at their feet.

"Oh Sasuke we need new sandals to show off our pedicures! Come on!" With that, she drug him down the street to the shoe store, Itachi surprisingly compliant. It was hard to find someone nowadays who appreciated a good pedicure. Just as they were about to enter the store, Kisame came into view, dragging a screaming Alex behind him. Charlie and Itachi stared.

"Kisame, what are you doing?" Kisame blinked and looked up.

"Nothing, just getting dinner." Charlie stared at him like she had never seen him before.

"You're blue! Are you Captain Planet?" Kisame blinked.

"Uh sure." Just than Alex spoke up.

"Charlie you idiot! This is the guy that was eating sheep on one of our last missions. "

"I have no memory of this."

"He tried to eat me, and now he wants to again!"

"Alex Captain Planet would never eat anyone. Are you sure he's not just going to teach you about pollution?" Kisame nodded his head and agreed with Charlie. He started to drag Alex away before she grabbed Itachi's cloak, and started screaming again.

"He's gonna eat me!" Charlie got mad at Alex when she saw her manhandling Sasuke.

"You bitch get your own ninja friends!" Charlie grabbed Itachi's hand and started pulling him towards her. Alex held on, Kisame still pulling on her.

"Let go! We need to go buy the seasoning!" Alex somehow got her arms around Itachi's waist and wouldn't let go, while Charlie was still trying to pull him away from her. Just as Itachi was about to end this mess, Anko and Sai walked around the corner. They stared open-mouthed.

"What the----wait! Good job girls, don't let them get away! Sai don't just stand there, help them!" Sai hesitantly stepped forward, but it was too late. Itachi had decided enough was enough and escaped, forcing Kisame along with him.

"I'll be back for you Lampchop!" Alex shook her fist at him.

"Bye Sasuke! See you at home! Don't chip your nail polish! Good bye Captain Planet!" Charlie stared off into the horizon with stars in her eyes while Alex glared viciously at all of them. Anko rounded on Sai.

"Why weren't you with them before? You could have helped capture them! That's the biggest bounty in the Bingo Book walking away from us! You should try and be more like Alex and Charlie, those two have what it takes to become amazing ninjas. Here they were trying to capture Kisame and Itachi, and what were you doing drawing pictures, and stealing Lady Tsunade's gambling money!"

"That was gambling money?"

"Of course, why else would Lady Tsunade need to pay someone off? She's known as a notorious gambler, but I guess you two wouldn't know that. Now come on, we need to go back to the hotel, it's getting late. We'll leave for the village early tomorrow, so get some sleep. And don't think this will get you out of training tomorrow either." They all groaned and followed Anko back to the hotel to their rooms. Just when Alex and Charlie were about to enter one of the rooms, Anko stopped them.

"Wait, Alex since you showed how responsible you were today you sleep with Sai in his room, and make sure he doesn't do anything wrong. Charlie we're staying in this room, come on everyone get some sleep we'll be up early in the morning." Charlie and Anko disappeared into their room, leaving Alex and Sai glaring at each other. This would be a long night. They narrowed their eyes at each other and walked stiffly through the door, each going to sit on one of the beds, before turning back and glaring at each other.

"Wait I forgot!" Suddenly Charlie ran into the room and tucked Sai in bed. Both Alex and Sai blinked. "This is a very important part of someone's childhood, bedtime! Now see I tucked you in, now I would usually read you a bedtime story to help you fall asleep, but I can hear Anko-sensei yelling at me so we'll have to do that some other time. Good night!" With that she ran out of the room. Sai and Alex stayed silent for a minute, before Sai turned to her and opened his mouth.

"I am NOT reading you a bedtime story."


	11. Eviction Escapades

RAFT tip of the day: Always carry a fork with you, not only can you always be ready for a buffet, but you can stab potential attackers too.

**Eviction Escapades**

Two days later….

"And then we met Captain Planet, and he taught Alex the importance of not polluting." Charlie was relaying Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship's last mission to Chouji and Shikamaru as they sat around a table eating barbeque. Alex sat next to Charlie glaring at her and shaking her head.

"Who's Captain Planet?"

"When the five powers combine Captain Planet comes to save the day. Captain Planet he's our hero, gonna take pollution down to zero!" Shikamaru and Chouji stared unbelievingly at Charlie, before looking over at Alex, who was mouthing and waving her arms wildly. 'She's crazy!' They both ohed and sat back, staring at Charlie with humoring expressions. She looked angrily at Alex.

"I am not crazy. Captain Planet was on our last mission. He was really tall with blue skin, beady eyes, a funny black cloak and a really big sword. You saw him he was dragging you away to teach you about pollution!" Shikamaru stared at Charlie strangely; she had just described Kisame of the Akatsuki. Wait, that meant…..

"Noooo! Why?" The waiter had brought them fish, causing Alex to have a panic attack. She started sobbing into her hands. Chouji patted her on the back.

"There there, it's not that bad, just a little overcooked. We can still eat it." Charlie pointed dramatically at the fish.

"That's what Captain Planet looks like, only different. Same eyes." They all looked at her.

"Captain Planet is a dead fish?"

"No! He's an alive fish that looks like a dead fish!"

"But you just said----" Shikamaru sighed as Charlie and Chouji argued.

"This is such a drag." Alex looked over at him.

"Tell me about it. That guy didn't look at all like a dead fish. He wanted to eat me for goodness sake."

"He wanted to eat **you?**" Alex nodded.

"Yeah, he's a creepy blue fish man who thought I was a sheep when I was dressed up, but he still wants to eat me, it's very bad, I don't want to be eaten by a fish." Shikamaru stared at her.

"I see. So you're telling me Kisame of the Hidden Mist Village wants to eat you?" Alex nodded.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?" Chouji stood up on the table and yelled at Charlie, who looked back at him with a bored expression on her face.

"I wasn't hungry anymore."

"That's no excuse to waste food! You just threw it over your shoulder and now no one can eat it!" Charlie just shrugged her shoulders. Chouji stared at her in horror.

"Okay, let's go guys, before we get kicked out." Shikamaru led them out, Chouji still in a state of shock. They walked down the street. The group ended up walking to the girl's apartment. When they got there Charlie pulled down a piece of paper tacked to the door.

"Eviction notice. If you do not pay your rent in the next ten days you will be evicted and forced to leave the premise. Since when did we have to pay rent? I don't even have any money!" Shikamaru looked at Charlie.

"You two have gone on ninja missions for awhile now, haven't you ever been paid for them?"

"We get paid for those things?" Charlie looked completely crushed.

Somewhere off in the distance

Sai sat down in a nice restaurant eating a lobster dinner. He opened a bottle of wine and poured himself a glass. He took a piece of paper off the table and held it up to the candlelight. Alex and Charlie's names were clearly seen on the checks, next to a lot of zeros. Sai smirked. Ah, revenge is sweet.

Back with Charlie and the others

Shikamaru didn't know what to do with emotional females. What if Charlie started crying? He wouldn't know what to do. He decided another female would handle this best. He looked over to call Alex, only to see her and Chouji frolicking in a field of wild flowers. Well there goes that plan. Shikamaru looked back at Charlie to see her grabbing everything around the apartment complex that was not nailed down.

"What are you doing?"

"If I'm going I'm taking as much as I can. Quick help me grab the lawn chair." He blinked. Okay, that was unexpected.

"I don't think stealing their property will help the situation."

"Fine, if you won't help, I'll just go get Alex. ALEX! COME HERE!" Alex and Chouji looked up from their butterfly catching and wandered over.

"What?"

"Help me steal stuff!" Alex shrugged.

"Okay." Shikamaru and Chouji stared at them before saying their goodbyes. The girls then went back to stealing things.

"Wait Charlie why are we stealing stuff?"

"We're being evicted."

"Oh okay." With that Alex picked up a garden hose and threw it in the pile of stolen goods.

----------------- A Few Days Later -------------------------

The girls had realized it would be easier to find a place to live so they spilt up and went their separate ways looking for people to mooch off of. Alex knew just where to go. If there was one person who would help her in her time of need it was him.

"Lee."

"Lady Alex, how wonderful it is to see you again! How have you been?"

"It has been horrible. Charlie and I got evicted and now I have to live out of a wheel barrel." Lee looked horrified.

"Lady Alex you are royalty, no one of noble birth should have to live out of a wheel barrel! I shall provide you with a place to stay! Come with me!" Lee picked up Alex's wheel barrel full of her things and led her to his house.

With Charlie…..

Charlie was strolling down the street, all her belongings on her back, looking for a place to stay. She peered at each passerby, trying to determine which of them would be easy to con. Spotting a familiar head of black hair up ahead, she sped up.

"Sasuke! What's up? How's your manicure? Oh the bags under your eyes are gone, you must have gotten enough sleep. Is your funny cloak in the wash? I liked the pretty clouds you stitched on it." Sasuke stared at Charlie until realization dawned on him.

"You've seen m-"

"Sasuke let's go have a sleepover!" Charlie grabbed Sasuke's hand and dragged him to his apartment. "We can stay up late watching movies and telling ghost stories." Charlie was about to enter Sasuke's home when he stopped her.

"You are not allowed to stay in my home."

"Why not?"

"…Go stay with the dimwit." With that Sasuke slammed the door in Charlie's face.

"You were nicer to me the other day. Sleep makes you cranky Sasuke!"

Later that night….

"Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya

Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya

Kumbaya, my Lord----"

"Shut up!" Charlie and Gai blinked from inside their makeshift tent outside of Sasuke's house. Gai had heard her singing earlier and had joined in for a bout of splendid songs of youth. Apparently Sasuke did not find it so splendid.

"Go bother someone else!" Charlie and Gai looked at each other before Gai jumped out of the tent.

"He's right! It's time to spread the songs of youth to the other youthful members of the village!" With that Gai jumped away from Charlie and ran down the streets of Konoha. Charlie suddenly got an idea.

"Sasuke if you don't let me into your house I'm going to tell everyone I'm pregnant with your child and you abandoned me!" Sasuke opened his door a crack and looked at Charlie.

"No one would believe you." With that Sasuke closed the door and went back to sleep.

"Ouch Sasuke ouch."

"But true. Now leave."

With Alex…..

"Lady Alex are you sure you don't need another pillow?" Alex groaned.

"For the last time, I am fine I just want to go to sleep." Lee peered at her through the crack in the doorway.

"Okay Lady Alex. Good night." He whispered and then shut the door. Alex sighed in relief and began to drift off.

"You know, Lady Alex, Gai-sensei says that doing 1,000 jumping jacks before bed will give you a great nights sleep."

"No jumping jacks! Lee go to bed or you'll be too tired to train tomorrow!" Lee teared up.

"Lady Alex is so kind to be concerned. Goodnight." He shut the door again and Alex got up and locked it. She went back to bed.

Dawn, three hours later…..

"HELLLOOOOOO MY FAVORITE STUDENT!!!!!" Gai leapt through the window over Alex's head and flipped onto the floor. "ARE YOU READY TO------wait, you're not Lee….." Just then Lee walked into Alex's room from the bathroom, a towel around his waist. Gai looked proudly at his student. "Lee my student, you have finally spread your youthfulness!" With that Gai gave Alex and Lee a bone crushing hug before jumping out the window. Alex and Lee stared at each other confused.

With Sasuke…

Sasuke walked through his house tiredly going to get his paper and eat breakfast. He carefully opened the door, he didn't want Charlie getting into his house. Not seeing her Sasuke reached down and grabbed his newspaper. If he had been less tired he would have noticed the broken glass around his apartment, but alas he had not had his morning coffee yet. Sasuke opened the paper and began reading it. He sat down at his table, paper still covering his face when…

"Scrambled or over easy?"

"Over easy."

"Bacon or sausage?"

"Sausage."

"Ok. Toast or pancakes?"

"Toast-" Wait a second.. "Charlie! What are you doing here?"

"Making breakfast! Do you want orange juice or apple?" Sasuke growled. She was wearing his slippers and his clothes. They looked like twins. "Sasuke, I saw you still had your emo clothes so I took the liberty of burning them while you slept and replacing them with green and yellow oversized shirts and overalls. This is the last set, I was going to burn it after I changed." Sasuke stared at her in shock. She set a plate of food in front of him. "Well, enjoy, I'll be right back." He stared as she left the room, then looked down at the food. He stared at it suspiciously.

"Charlie, would you mind coming here for a moment." She came back, now in her own clothes, holding his.

"Sure, what's up?"

"Why are the eggs green?"

"Oh, oops, those were supposed to be for Sai, they're green eggs and ham. Oh well, I guess we can eat them." She went over and took a bite out of them before going to the middle of the room. Satisfied that it wasn't poisoned, Sasuke began eating. Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a bright light. Charlie had lit his last pair of clothes on fire and was burning them in his living room. Shit she was going to burn down his house!

"What are you doing?!"

"Making your life better. Don't worry Sasuke I once talked to a professional firefighter." Sasuke panicked and tried taking the blowtorch from Charlie. "Dammit Sasuke this is for your own good!" The two of them got into a wrestling match, unfortunately while the two of them fought Sasuke's house was slowly burning to the ground.

"Hey Sasuke do you smell a campfire?" Sasuke looked up and saw that his house was on fire. Thinking quickly Charlie grabbed Sasuke's fish tank and dumped it on the fire.

"Well that got most of it, quick, get a fire extinguisher!" She grabbed the one under the sink and finished putting out the fire, covering everything in foam. Sasuke stared in shock at his now ruined home. Charlie sighed.

"Damn, now breakfast is ruined." She got her things and looked at Sasuke, who hadn't moved. She shrugged. "He'll be fine." She walked through the door and down the street, trying to find someone else to con whose house wasn't so flammable.

With Alex…..

"No Lee, don't put your hand there!"

"But it won't fit anywhere else!"

"I don't care, move it somewhere else its not doing any good there! It could be doing so much more in that spot, it would help both of us!" Naruto's eyes widened. He was about to knock on Lee's door when he had heard Alex and Lee's voices coming from inside. He stared and began slowly walking away. That was one situation he did not want to walk in on.

"Damn it, I'm not going to last."

"You can do it Lady Alex, I---" Suddenly a thump was heard and Alex and Lee were sprawled on the floor. Alex groaned.

"Twister." Alex untangled herself from Lee and started putting away the game.

With Charlie…

She stood on the porch of a house banging on the door. The door opened revealing a person in a long coat, sunglasses and a fro.

"Shino?"

"Oh no dear, I'm his mother. Are you a friend of his? Oh how nice he needs the company, I'll show you to his room. Are you hungry?" Charlie looked up at Shino's mother and nodded eagerly, what a nice lady.

"Shino's room is at the end of this hall way up the stairs, just go right in I'm sure he won't mind." Charlie walked over to Shino's room and opened the door. She blinked, where was he? She walked over to the other side of the room.

"Did you bring my jacket?" Charlie started and turned around, coming face to face with…..a ghost.

"AHHHHH oh my god!" She ran down the stairs and out the door, screaming to anybody who would listen that Shino's house was haunted. Shino blinked and stood with his mother at the door.

"Shino dear, take that sheet off your head, you'll flatten your hair." Shino removed the sheet, it had been the closest thing to his jacket he could find.

Meanwhile Charlie was running down the streets of Konoha in terror. Suddenly she ran into Kiba and Akamaru. She looked up at them and her eyes flashed.

"Scooby, Shaggy, you've got to help me! There's a ghost! Get Freddy and Daphne! No not Daphne she'll just get kidnapped. We need Velma! Quick Scooby!" Kiba just stared at the funny foreign girl.

"Umm are you okay? He wait I know you, you're friends with that other girl I….did I date her or just flirt with her? I don't remember." Charlie stared at him. He would be no help to her in her quest.

"Would you do it for a Scooby snack?"

"What's a Scooby snack?"

"It's a delicious treat that gets the blood pumping, and sends you off like a rocket!" Kiba stared at her. He loved foreign girls!

"Alright sweetie why don't you give me this treat first, and then I'll fix your little ghost problem." Charlie nodded eagerly as Kiba led her off to his house. That ghost wouldn't know what hit it.

With Alex….

"Lee. I can no longer stay here with you." Lee got teary-eyed. "It's not you, it's me. I must go fight the foes of my kingdom and battle till dawn!" Lee pulled himself together.

"I understand. Go Lady Alex! Go defeat your enemies!" Alex got her things and left Lee's house and walked away. Thank goodness, she couldn't handle Gai jumping through Lee's windows at all hours and singing songs of youth. How did he learn Kumbaya anyway? She was walking along the streets of Konoha pushing her wheel barrel full of stuff when she spotted a familiar head of hair. Smiling to herself Alex formed a plan.

"Naruto!" Naruto looked up from his ramen and stared at Alex. "Naruto I was talking to someone who told me that you live all by yourself. It must have been sad growing up alone. You know what no one deserves that kind of sadness in their lives. Naruto I'll be your roommate!" Naruto slurped up his ramen and looked at Alex questioningly.

"You want to live with me?"

"Why Naruto how kind of you to offer I would love to live with you. I'll go move my things in right now." Alex walked off, pushing her wheel barrel and humming a song. Naruto looked at the path that she had taken. What just happened?

The Next Morning…..

Charlie sat around Kiba's dining room table with Kiba drinking a cup of coffee. The other members of Kiba's household wondered who the strange girl in Kiba's jacket was. Oh well he had a tendency to bring home strays.

With Alex…

"No I will not eat ramen for breakfast! Hand me the Bisquick I'll make a proper breakfast of chocolate chip pancakes. No Naruto that's the salt that would make really bad pancakes. Bisquick dammit! Soy sauce is not syrup you suck at breakfast making!"

"No way! I always eat ramen for breakfast, it's what all strong ninjas eat!"

"Fine! I will eat your ramen, but I will not like it!"

"Oh yes you will! Come here!" Naruto grabbed Alex and began force-feeding her ramen. Meanwhile, Sasuke stood in the doorway to Naruto's kitchen, looking at the scene with interest. It appears Naruto had a new roommate. Well, he's going to get another one. Sasuke unpacked all his things and calmly went to sit at the kitchen table. Naruto was force-feeding Alex, shoving ramen down her throat, and choking her with his chopsticks. Alex was able to break out of Naruto's chokehold and started screaming for help.

"Help! Charlie! Lee! Shikamaru! Sasuke!" Sasuke looked up when his name was mentioned. "Sasuke you came so quickly!"

"Hey Sasuke what are you doing here?"

"To save me from you!"

"Charlie burned down my house." Alex and Naruto looked at Sasuke strangely.

"She burned down your house? Why would she do that?"

"She was burning my clothes. I'm staying here until it's repaired." Naruto looked at him indignantly.

"What? You can't just come in here and live with me! I have serious training to do! And I'm not just going to let you see my secret jutsus! They're secret! And I'm gonna use them on you, so you can't know about them! Believe it!"

Alex watched as Naruto and Sasuke argued, then went and began to pack her things. One roommate was fine but two that fought all the time? No way. She grabbed her wheel barrel and yelled goodbye at Naruto and Sasuke, the former starting a food fight. She strolled pleasantly down the street, looking for new living quarters when she spotted someone across from her down an alley. She dropped her wheel barrel and ran straight at the person. Right when they were turning around Alex jumped into their arms.

"You!"

"Hi sweetie did you miss me?" Alex stared up Iruka, and batted her eyelashes. He blushed immediately.

A few blocks away….

"Aww come on, why won't you stay?" Charlie turned around and faced Kiba.

"Your house smells like wet fur." Kiba blanched.

"But…hey!" It was too late, Charlie gathered her things and left his house, walking quickly down the street. There was one place she hadn't tried yet, maybe that would work….suddenly a loud crash was heard and Anko burst out the store window across the street. Charlie blinked. Okay, that could work too. Anko saw her and stalked toward her.

"Hey, maggot! Where have you been? You and Alex missed training last week! What do you think this is, hey! Are you listening?" Charlie nodded. "Why haven't you been home? We've tried to look for you…"

"We don't have a home anymore!" Anko blinked.

"You don't? Then where have you been?"

"With Sasuke and Kiba."

"Okaaay, where's Alex?"

"I have no idea."

"Alright then, since you have no where to go, you will stay with me, to ensure you don't miss anymore training!" Charlie groaned.

"Wait, that's okay I can go----" But Anko grabbed her and began dragging her away. "Damn."

At Anko's house…

"Here it is, home sweet home! Well come on maggot best get your things moved in."

"Anko-sensei your house has no doors."

"What?"

"Doors. People use them to get into places."

"Huh?" Charlie sighed, this wasn't working.

"Your house has lots of windows."

"Oh yes, best thing in the world." Anko jumped through the window, and went to make dinner. Charlie noted that her windows had no glass before she followed Anko.

Two Days Later…

Charlie let go of the ankle of the ninja she was holding onto. Anko had ordered her to run five hundred laps around the village, at two hundred she started crawling, and at four hundred she just started grabbing random ninjas and had them carry her around the village.

"Charlie what are you doing?" Charlie stared up at the voice.

"Alex?"

"Why are you on the ground? Come on did you find a place to live?"

"Anko's house has no doors, she jumps through windows at odd hours of the night. She wakes me up and trains me at three in the morning. No more laps."

"Huh I see. I was staying with Iruka, the guy that gave us the headbands, but well, things got kind of awkward and I had to leave."

"No more laps!"

"You're right we've gotta find someone else to live with." Alex started to walk away, before she grabbed Charlie's hand and dragged her away. They began walking down the street, passing shops and businesses. Suddenly, Alex spotted a familiar face inside a bank.

"Hold on Charlie, I'll be right back." She leaned her against the side of the building and went inside the bank.

"Just cash?"

"Please." Sai turned from the banker to gaze around the room when he caught sight of Alex. He paled slightly.

"Sai! How have you been? Did you miss me? Sai I've decided not to fight with you anymore, it's not good for our team spirit."

"I see. Where have you been? You have missed training."

"Oh we got evicted, I've been living with Lee, Naruto and Iruka." Sai looked puzzled.

"Ah, that would explain your unruly appearance." Alex chuckled nervously.

"Ah right, sure."

"And the fact that you are only wearing your right shoe." Alex looked down. Damn.

"Heh, whoops I'll have to go pick that up later. Rough night and all..."

"Uh huh."

"Sai, where do you live?"

"On the south side of the village, why do you----"

"Here you go sir." The bank teller handed Sai his money, along with the receipts.

"Hey! Those have our names on them! You've been stealing our hard earned money!" Sai looked shifted eyed for a moment before….

"No I haven't."

"Yes, you have! You bastard! You got us evicted! Poor Charlie is still a little delusional."

"Oh yes Dorothy I would love a pie."

"See! She's talking to a mail box!" Sai looked out the window to see Charlie hugging the mailbox and fighting with the mailman who was trying to put mail in it. Suddenly, Alex got a thoughtful look on her face.

"You know, we could turn you in for this. Or…since it's your fault we didn't have the money to pay our rent, you could pay us back another way…."

----------- Sometime later -------------

Charlie and Alex happily unpacked all of their stuff in Sai's house. He was off in a corner looking very angry. He had learned many emotions since Alex and Charlie were placed on his team.

"Oh Sai you only have one bedroom, don't worry Charlie and I already moved your stuff out. You can sleep in the tub." Sai glared at Alex.

"I have a couch."

"That's for Charlie she lost the rock paper scissors match."

"I didn't know we were playing for rooms. I challenge you for my bedroom."

"No Sai you already lost."

"I didn't play."

"That's why you lost. Now where do you keep your fridge?"

"Oh it's over there." Sai looked up and saw a recovered Charlie pointing to his kitchen, and hanging up sheets around his living room."

"What are you doing?"

"Giving myself some privacy. Knock before you come into my room."

"Or what?"

"Well that's for you to figure out isn't it?" Sai blanched.


	12. Hotsprings Hijinks

A/N: Oh dear faithful readers Happy Thanksgiving! Since I cannot give you a turkey I will give you another chapter! A good thank you for chapters is reviews, so review it takes five seconds and brings such joy to Phantom and myself. Do you not wish to bring us joy? Of course you do! You love us! So review and the world will be at peace.

RAFT tip of the day: Always carry a pair of sunglasses with you at all times. When being chased by a rapist put the sunglasses on and the rapist will wonder where his prey went.

**We Have to Get Them Out of Here!!!**

"Lady Tsunade, more complaints have come in about the two foreign girls you've allowed into the village."

"What did they do this time?"

"Apparently they have been home jumping and living at different places every night. The Uchiha boy's apartment has been burned down. The Kiba boy has been following the shorter one around asking about something called a 'Scooby snack'. Lee has been pining away for his princess, and is trying to build an army to help her, and a substitute has been needed to replace Iruka for the time being. He's in a state of shock, and only mumbles incoherently now." Tsunade sighed and shook her head.

"Put them with the others." Shizune walked to a storage closet and opened the door. The closet was filled with stacks of papers, all complaints about Charlie and Alex.

"On another note, we got the information for the next chuunin exam from Shikamaru. The exam is set for three weeks from now in Sunagakure. We need to send our list of genin by tomorrow for them to qualify." Tsunade pondered.

"Consult the jounin of the current genin teams and make out the list, I'll have it sent out tomorrow." Suddenly an idea struck her. "Wait Shizune, no matter what Anko says, put her team on the list. This place needs some rest from those two girls, let's give them to Gaara to deal with for a while." Shizune smiled.

"Yes maam!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Charlie and Alex sat around Sai's table arguing about whether they could build up enough chakra and concentrate it in their feet in order to fly. Just then Sai turned around and faced them, a bright pink frilly apron covering his belly shirt. He held out what looked like a plate of pancakes.

"I made you breakfast." Sai held out the pancakes, Charlie took them from him before he ran away.

"Alex do these pancakes look funny to you?"

"You mean aside from the large hole in the middle of the stack that Sai tried to cover with whipped cream?"

"Yeah aside from that." Alex stuck her hand into the pancake stack and pulled out a grenade.

"Shit he's trying to kill us!" Thinking quickly Alex threw the grenade out of an open window. A resounding explosion was heard. After a minute Sai walked back into his dining room, whistling a happy go lucky tune. He stopped when he saw Alex and Charlie unharmed.

"Oh joy you are unharmed, I heard an explosion and feared you two might have been injured." The girls glared at Sai.

"It wouldn't happen to be from the conveniently placed grenade in our breakfast now would it?"

"Grenade? Oh, I wonder how that got there. Someone's obviously on the prowl. Don't worry, I won't let them get you." Sai slapped Charlie on the back, almost dislocating her shoulder, and gave Alex a hug, successfully suffocating her. He then walked out of the room.

"I get the feeling he's still sore you got his bedroom." Alex wheezed.

"It's not my fault. I got dibs, besides, he should be happy I redecorated. The décor was terrible." Charlie nodded. Suddenly Anko leapt through the window.

"Sai gather the team!"

"Anko-sensei?"

"Oh good you two are already here. Sai's improving." The two girls looked at each other before trying to sneak out the window Anko just jumped through; they did not feel like training today. Unfortunately before they could make their escape Sai came back and drew attention to them.

"What are you two doing?" Anko looked over to Alex and Charlie.

"Uh we are um…going to get the team a gift to celebrate our time together!"

"Not necessary! Because I've got a treat for all of you!" They looked at each other.

"What?"

"You've been entered in the up coming chuunin exams!" Sai ahhed and looked interested. Charlie and Alex blinked.

"Chuunin what? We have to take more tests? But we're already ninja!"

"You're genin, the lowest ninja rank. In order to go up to the next rank, you need to take the chuunin exams, so you can become chuunin!" Charlie didn't look convinced.

"What's the difference?"

"Chuunin are given harder missions and are put in leadership positions, giving you credibility. And you get a cool ninja vest." Charlie ooed.

"I've seen people wearing those. I want one!"

"You can have one if you pass the chuunin exam!"

"Okay let's go take it."

"It's not like the test to become genin, this one's way more important, and you compete as a team, not as individuals." Charlie and Alex looked at her, horrified.

"We have to work as a team? But what if one team member tries to do away with the other ones?"

"A ninja would never do that. We work as a team, that is our ninja way." Alex and Charlie still did not look convinced. They were going to need to make sure Sai didn't take the test with them. "Alright maggots now that it has been decided go pack your bags we leave first thing in the morning for Sunagakure." The blinked.

"Where's that?"

"The Land of Wind, and it's gonna be hot." She jumped back out the window, leaving the three genins in Sai's kitchen. Sai was looking mournfully at his now broken window while Alex and Charlie silently came to an agreement. Sai looked back at Charlie and Alex.

"Are you two still hungry? I could cook you something." Alex and Charlie stared at Sai in horror before…

"Oh Sai don't strain yourself. Let's go out for lunch." The girls each grabbed one of his arms and dragged him out of his home.

------------ Walking down the streets of Konoha -------------------------

"I'm not going to apologize, so stop staring at me." Alex kept her gaze fixed on Charlie as they walked down the streets of Konoha. "If you don't watch where you're going you're going to run into something." Alex kept her eyes fixed on Charlie when…BAM! "I told you so." Alex laid sprawled out on the pavement.

"What did I hit?"

"It seems we meet again." Both girls blinked.

"Sai?! Um, how did you find us?"

"It's alright, you left me there on purpose, no hard feelings." He held his hand out to Charlie. She grabbed it to help him up, but he jumped up and she tumbled to the ground.

"Oww…" He walked over to Alex, who was looking nervous.

"You know, leaving a teammate to pick up the bill isn't very nice. Especially when they could put spiders in your beds." He left Alex shaking and walked over to a fence post and started sharpening kunai. Just then a green blur whooshed by the girls. The green blur then back tracked and stopped in front of Alex and Charlie.

"Oh Lady Alex are you alright? You are shaking. Are you ill?" Alex and Charlie stared up at Lee, who was kindly asking if Alex needed to go to the hospital, then they looked over to Sai who was still sharpening his kunai with a malicious gleam in his eyes. The girls looked back at Lee who was now holding a puppy, with a kind smile on his face. They looked back at Sai who was holding grenade. Back to Lee who was holding a flower formation spelling out the words friends forever. Then they looked at Sai who had drawn a picture of him killing Charlie and Alex. The girls looked at each other. The decision had been made. Charlie slowly stood up and walked behind Sai, who Alex was trying to distract.

"Sai why do you not wear clothes that cover you?" Charlie crept behind Sai, and then…WHACK! Charlie knocked Sai out with a frying pan. She quickly pulled some duct tape out of her emergency supply pack, and began tying Sai up.

"Oh no Sai is injured and we leave to take the chuunin exams tomorrow, whatever will we do?" Lee looked over at her excitedly.

"Lady Alex, you are taking the chuunin exams? How wonderful! I'm sure with your mystic powers you will pass no problem." Alex glanced over to Charlie, who had just rolled a tied-up Sai into the ditch.

"But we need a full team to enter Lee, now that Sai is incapacitated, we'll be disqualified." Lee frowned.

"You're right. But I'm sure Anko-san will have a solution." Alex rolled her eyes.

"Oh but Anko has been under so much pressure lately, but I know I could get by it's Charlie I'm worried about. She does not know how to function unless there are two other people her age around her. She goes into shell shock. Oh Lee how will I find someone Charlie's age that will take Sai's place. Oh poor, poor Charlie." Lee looked at Alex with tears in his eyes.

"Lady Alex you are so kind always thinking about others. How can I help?" Alex smiled.

"Lee you must take Sai's place!" Lee gasped.

"I could not! I have already passed the chuunin exam!"

"If Gai-sensei were here, he would tell you to do it. It will improve your espionage techniques and help fellow ninja in need! Plus, it will help me." Lee looked at Alex's teary face and caved.

"Alright, I will help you. But that doesn't-----" Immediately both girls pounced.

"Come on Lee, we'll get you some of Sai's clothes, and we'll have to get some hair gel to get Sai's style….." Lee allowed the girls to drag him away. He had a bad feeling about what he had just signed up for, but it was to help Lady Alex.

Some Time Later….

Alex, Charlie, and a newly disguised Lee were walking down the streets of Konoha testing out Lee's outfit. The girls thought it was fool proof. After all it had fooled Naruto.

"Hey…MAGGOTS!!" They all jumped as Anko jogged toward them, carrying a bath satchel.

"Anko-sensei, are you going to a sleepover?" Anko looked confused.

"No, I'm just going over to the hot springs for a relaxing evening before we leave tomorrow. Haven't you girls ever been to a hot springs before?" The girls shook their heads. "What?? Seriously? Then you've got to come, it's the best! Come on, we'll make it a team excursion, Sai…." It was then that Anko got a good look at 'Sai'.

"Umm, Sai? When did you get so tall and muscular? Moreover, why are you wearing green spandex under your shirt? And why do your eyes look different?" Anko continued to circle Lee suspiciously. She stopped in front of him and rubbed her chin.

"Oh well! Come on team!" The girls breathed a sigh of relief and grabbed Lee's hand, forcing him to follow them to the hot springs.

At the Hot Springs…

"Oh and then there was this fling with Ibiki, but it wouldn't have worked out." The girls and Anko sat in the middle of the hot spring drinking sake. Alex and Charlie found out that when Anko gets liquor in her she started talking about her past excursions with some of the male ninjas. The girls felt they did not need to know half the things she was telling them. They began drifting inconspicuously away from her. She kept babbling on, oblivious. They sighed and drifted to the edge to refill their sake cups. Anko was genius, sneaking in booze to a swimming place. They were just lucky they got a sensei that was just as much of an alcoholic as they were.

"Yeah, but that was so totally last week…." The girls blinked as Ino and Sakura came into view, followed by Kurenai and Hinata. Anko stopped talking and looked up.

"Oh Kurenai! How are you? Come over here and meet my team!" The four female ninjas walked over to Anko, who grabbed Charlie and Alex by the neck and was hugging them. "This one's Alex. She's a good ninja that saves gambling money. And this one is Charlie, best bowling ball thrower I've got. The two of them almost captured Itachi and Kisame." Alex and Charlie broke away from Anko's grip and took the sake away from her. They started drinking before Charlie offered some to Ino and Sakura, not noticing the looks of hate they gave her.

"Sake? It's good for you." Ino and Sakura continued to glare at Charlie, who shrugged and turned to Hinata.

"Hello, random ninja girl I do not know! Would you like some sake?"

"Um…well…" Charlie got bored with her mumbling and shoved the bottle down Hinata's throat, making her drink a good portion of it. Ino and Sakura gaped, before Alex swam over to them.

"Here, you have some too!" She shoved glasses into their hand before retrieving her own. "Ready? Okay, one, two, three!" With that, she downed her sake glass, making Sakura and Ino down theirs too. Nearby, Anko was pouring another glass for Kurenai, and Charlie was happily chatting up Hinata, who was giggling hysterically.

On the Other Side…..

Naruto and "Sai" were talking. Naruto vaguely wondered when Sai started talking about friendship and youth. Alex and Charlie must have gotten to him. Just then Kiba, Shino, Chouji, and Shikamaru appeared.

"Oi! Guys over here!" The group of boys waded over to Naruto and "Sai".

"Oh hey Naruto what's up?"

"Nothing much I found a free coupon for this place, and came here after training,

then I ran into Sai. His team is on the other side." Kiba stared at Naruto. He looked over to who Naruto claimed was Sai. It was clearly Lee with a different hair style.

"Um Naruto that's not-" Shino put his hand on Kiba's shoulder and shook his head. It was not worth it. Shikamaru and Chouji looked on in disbelief, before Chouji randomly procured chips out of nowhere and began eating. They began chatting and eating when suddenly a thump was heard on the other side of the wooden fence, followed by giggling. The boys blinked and looked at each other.

Back with the girls….

"Hinata, you're so silly! If you want to go to the other side, you have to walk around the fence, not head butt it." Hinata giggled and rubbed her head.

"Okay!" She tried to get out of the water, but fell back, giggling. Suddenly, she got an idea. She grabbed a kunai and began whittling a hole through the fence. Charlie stared at her, before going over to join Alex and the others in a rousing game of water volleyball, with their makeshift net of their towels and branches. Anko, Alex, and Charlie were winning when suddenly Ino let out a shriek, followed by Sakura and Kurenai. Anko frowned.

"What's wrong?" They ducked in the water and pointed to Jiraiya, who's disguise as a bush had fallen apart, showing him drooling. The girls shrieked and scattered in all directions. Hinata paid no notice, as she had finished drilling her hole and was currently staring through it, drooling.

Naruto and the other boys started when all the girls started screaming, and looked at each other.

"Hey, what's going on over there?" Naruto swam over to the fence and looked for a gap to see through. He found one and tried looking through it, unfortunately it was the hole Hinata made.

"AH!" Naruto jumped away from the hole in terror. "Guys, something is over there! It's got creepy eyes and was drooling. I think it plans on eating the girls we have to save them!" Naruto then proceeded to jump over the wall blocking the separate baths for men and women. Kiba quickly followed his example. Shikamaru was left with Shino and Chouji.

"Oh man what a drag." Shikamaru jumped over the fence intent on trying to prevent a disaster. Too late.

Utter chaos had broken out. As soon as Jiraiya had been revealed the girls started throwing random bath products at him. Jiraiya was able to dodge all of the attacks while making perverted comments. And then Naruto had jumped over the wall, unfortunately a very drunk Hinata was right beneath him, and when Naruto was about to save the day she jump tackled him, landing in the water. No one saw them reappear.

Then the wall was destroyed. In the confusion Chouji decided that it was necessary to destroy the wall by rolling through it. He came barreling through the wall, and kept on traveling destroying everything in his path. Shikamaru, Shino, and Kiba all stood in the hole he had created, staring at the girls' bath trying to locate the enemy when…

"Shit!" Kurenai ducked into the water trying to cover herself. She wasn't about to let her students see her in a compromising position. Ino and Sakura quickly followed suit, dragging Anko with them. They all stared at each other when two figures appeared in the mist, blocking Jiraiya's view of the women's bath. Everyone held their breath as the shadowy figures came closer. Jiraiya started drooling again, assuming the worst. Suddenly, the mist cleared, revealing Charlie and Alex, posing proudly in their bikinis.

Jiraiya groaned in disappointment as everyone else stared at them in disbelief. Who the heck wore bathing suits to a bath house? Though the boys didn't say anything, they felt gypped. Charlie and Alex epically pointed at Jiraiya before Charlie started giving a speech.

"How dare you! Bath time is a sacred time spent revitalizing oneself and drinking alcohol! But you had to come and bring fear to bath time. Bath time is not to be shared with perverted old men it is to be spent with a rubber ducky! I will not forgive you for this dishonor to bath time! If you're so lonely go hire someone to be your friend! Don't spy on people in bath houses!" Jiraiya gaped as the other women cheered Charlie on. Just then, Alex snuck up behind him and swung him around in circle, aiming to throw him over the building. Unfortunately, she built up too much momentum and went flying with him, managing to catch herself on the roof. Jiraiya landed painfully on the ground in front of the bathhouse. The girls cheered their victory and gathered their towels, going back into the changing rooms. The boys just stood there in shock.

Just then Iruka walked out. "Hi boys-" He stopped and looked around. The hot springs was destroyed. He was about to ask what happened when…CRASH! The roof Alex had landed on gave out and she fell down right into Iruka's arms. "What the- you again?"

"Well hello there. Nice of me to drop in." Iruka stood there dumbfounded. How did she keep on doing this? Just then Charlie walked back into the hot spring wearing a pair of pants over her bikini. She walked over to the group of boys, none of them had yet to move, and grabbed Shino and Kiba before walking away with them, one on each arm. Alex looked back up at Iruka.

"Well aren't you going to invite me over?" He gaped wordlessly.

The Next Day…

"Shit!" Charlie had woken up and looked at the clock, she was late for her road trip! She tried to get off the bed she was on, but ended up tumbling down and taking another person with her.

"Uh… what…Charlie?"

"Can't talk now, had fun last night. Fuck! I can't find my underwear! I'm taking yours okay, bye, bye!"

With Alex…

"Hey, you can't wear those! I need to teach a class today!" Alex threw a bunch of Iruka's clothes randomly into her backpack and ran into his kitchen. He ran after her. She raided his kitchen, throwing pots over her shoulder and eating his food.

"You're gonna need to get more coffee next time I come over." She finished the pot and threw it into the sink. He stood gaping in the doorway. She walked over to him.

"You need to go get dressed, the windows are open." She patted his head and stole the pants he was holding and pulled them on before running outside and slamming the door. Iruka looked at the door. Why did he keep on letting this happen? He sighed and turned around, only to find his neighbors looking at him through his open window. He quickly grabbed a pillow, covered himself, and slunk out of the room.

Alex was running down the streets of Konoha knocking down old ladies trying to get to the gates, when Charlie ran up next to her, wearing only her bikini top and pants, just like Alex.

"Late night?"

"Yeah, you had the same problem?"

"Yeah, you know the problem with ninja boys is, they're all about feeling your chakra at night, but in the morning they get clingy. Shower time is **my** time." Alex nodded in understanding.

"Yeah. Plus, you'd think they'd learn to accommodate by now, ninjas are supposed to be ready for anything! Iruka's just going to have to buy himself a new toothbrush."

They ran to the front gate where Anko and 'Sai' were waiting, the former tapping her foot impatiently.

"Those girls are late, all the other teams have already left. They better get here soon!" 'Sai' nodded nervously, all the while fidgeting nervously. Suddenly, a cloud of dust appeared ahead of them, as both Charlie and Alex came into view, unfortunately they could not stop in time and ended up running into the wall surrounding the village.

"Alex you're toe is in my nose."

"You elbowed by eye."

"So you girls finally decided to show up. Thanks to you two our team is the last to leave. What are you wearing?" Alex and Charlie untangled themselves and stood up, revealing their bikinis. They quickly thought of an excuse.

"Well you said we were going to some place hot. Hot weather equals bikinis."

"Yeah Anko-sensei you wouldn't want us to get uneven tans would you?" Anko stood thinking for a moment.

"You're right!" With that Anko stripped off her jacket and fishnets. She stood proudly next to the girls in a bikini top and skirt, while the three of them surveyed 'Sai' who was gaping at them, red in the face. "Well, if one does it, we all do it! Sai, off with your shirt!" Lee shook his head.

"I do not think that would be proper----AHHH!" The three girls jumped him, ripping off his black shirt, revealing the green jumpsuit beneath it. Anko surveyed it thoughtfully.

"Well that just won't do….." She walked up to him and ripped off the top of the jumpsuit, leaving him in his black pants. Lee whimpered. "Well team, let's move out!" And so Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship left Konoha for the chuunin exams in the Sand Village, half clad in skimpy outfits, listening to 'Sai' singing songs of youth.


	13. Road Trip to the Land of Sand Castles

RAFT tip of the day: When being chased by a villain, trick them into singing a duet, when they are busy singing, make your get-away.

**Road Trip to the Land of Sandcastles **

The newly revamped half naked quartet also known as Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship was walking happily along the path outside of Konoha. They had been walking for about fifteen minutes when suddenly Alex posed a question.

"Anko-sensei where's the car?" Anko and Lee stared at Alex like she had lost her mind. "You know, car, you drive in it…down the road…vroom vroom.." She mimed driving a car. Anko and Lee had odd expressions on their faces. Anko, still staring at Alex, pulled something out of her pack and walked over to her. She patted her on the shoulder.

"There there, it's alright. Take this, it will make you feel better." She handed Alex a pill which she stared at, before shrugging and downing it. Anko looked over at 'Sai' and Charlie. "This'll calm you right down…" She whispered behind her hand to the others. "It's the stress from the exams, she'll be alright." 'Sai' nodded seriously while Charlie tried her hardest not to laugh. They took off again, Lee and Anko looking at Alex strangely behind her back. Charlie smirked.

"There there, you'll be alright. Poor thing, stress-induced hallucinations..." Alex glared at Charlie.

"Shut up."

----------- In a land not to far away--------------

Kisame looked up from his drink.

"Lambchop's moved positions."

"What did you say?"

"Uh nothing…say Itachi I think we should leave."

"Why?"

"Umm, because there's someone coming." Itachi looked around blindly.

"Where?"

"Uhh, over there." He pointed randomly, Itachi's eyes going the other way.

"Fine. If you are concerned we'll be discovered, we will move." Kisame smirked triumphantly.

Back with Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship….

"Well team, this looks like a good place to stop for the night."

"But Anko-sensei, it's just the afternoon."

"Yes, but there aren't anymore villages for quite a while, we'll have to get up early tomorrow and travel the whole day before we come to the next one. You guys stay here, I'll go book us a room." She walked into the Inn, leaving Alex, Charlie, and Lee outside.

"If we had a car we'd be there already." Alex grumbled under her breath.

"Oh what was that Alex? Are you feeling ill again?" Charlie smirked at Alex while Alex glared back at her. Lee beamed at the two of them.

"Oh what wonderful friends you two are! Always caring about each other's well being! Yes, Lady Alex are you feeling alright?" They gave him an odd look.

"Umm, yeah, fine." Lee beamed.

"I'm glad!" He grabbed her and gave her a hug just as Anko walked back out the door. She stared at her team. They were getting along much better today. Road trips were good for moral.

"Alright maggots stop hugging and listen!" Lee released the girls and stood at full attention.

"Alright we have rooms nine and ten. You are free to explore the town until seven o'clock, when we will reconvene and head out for dinner! Dismissed!" The girls and 'Sai' scampered off, while Anko headed off to find a bar.

Not far away……

"She's stopped." Itachi looked up.

"What?"

"Umm, Itachi? Can we stop at a village soon? I'm getting hungry…" Itachi sighed.

"Fine." He rolled his eyes. Taking care of Kisame was like taking care of a six year old. "We'll get you something to eat at the next village." Kisame smiled happily.

At the village….

"Oh look at this one!"

"Ooh I like it!" Charlie and Alex decided the best way to spend time was to go shopping, seeing as the clothes they had taken when they woke up were not the best fit. Lee was stuck carrying the bags.

"Oh Charlie I'm hungry let's go get ice cream."

"Okay."

"But we are going to meet Anko-sensei in an hour, it is not youthful to ruin one's appetite on sugary sweets."

"Lee if we don't feed Alex she will complain until she withers and dies. Do you want Alex to wither and die?" Lee looked horrified.

"Never! Lady Alex I will go and retrieve ice cream for you!" Lee picked Alex up and sat her on a bench outside the store. "Sit here until I return." Lee ran epically down the street in order to bring ice cream back for Alex. Charlie called out after him.

"Bring me back a chocolate shake too!" They waited idly for a few minutes, swinging their feet when Lee came zooming back, holding two ice cream cones. The girls sat, happily eating their ice cream cones, when Alex gasped.

"Lee we have to get you sun screen! You're going to burn! Crap we're all going to burn! That's why everyone's staring! They don't want us to get burned!" Alex proceeded to run around in a circle muttering about sunburns and aloe. Charlie opened her emergency supply pack and threw a bottle of sun screen at Alex, hitting her in the head.

"Ow! Charlie what the? Oh sun screen!" Alex started putting sun screen on her arm. Charlie looked up from her ice cream, and noticed that they were surrounded by people, and more were coming. Apparently a group of half naked ninjas was not a common sight.

"Uh Alex-"

"Oh Charlie do you want sun screen too?"

"Um, no Alex look-"

"Nonsense Charlie put sun screen on."

"Alex listen-"

"Charlie. Put. On. The. Sunscreen." Charlie was looking around as Alex was approaching her. A random girl just jump-tackled Lee, and had drug him off.

"Shit they got Lee. Alex we have to-" Charlie did not get a chance to finish as Alex jump tackled her, and proceeded to try to put sunscreen on her. As they wrestled, Charlie noted a large number of the opposite sex had surrounded them, drooling. Just as it was about to get out of control, Lee burst through the crowd, gasping with his hair standing up. He grabbed the two girls and leapt over the crowd, running down the street. The men moaned in disappointment and left.

"Lee what are you doing? Charlie is going to get burned! And you already have!" She pointed to the lip stick marks on his face. He sighed and sat her down on a bench, and kneeled in front of her.

"Lady Alex, I do not know how to tell you this, but the people were not watching out of concern for your skin you see, when a pretty female and another pretty female-"

"Lee what are you talking about? What people?" Just then Anko walked by.

"Maggots, hey, what are you doing?" All Anko saw was 'Sai' kneeling in front of Alex holding her hands. Anko cleared her throat. "Umm, come on, let's get dinner." The group followed Anko to the restaurant.

"Wait here I'll see if I can get us a table." The trio sat down on a bench waiting for Anko to get back. Alex looked at Lee expectantly. He sighed.

"I will explain another time." They surveyed the restaurant idly, taking note of its open air atmosphere and vines growing up the walls. Weird oh well. Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship sat down and ordered their food.

"Okay I'll have the salad, soup, an order of the cheese ravioli, and a cheese burger." The waitress looked at Alex.

"Alright, I'll get that out right away." The waitress walked away before Anko yelled at her.

"Waitress! The rest of us have not ordered yet!" The waitress looked back confusedly.

"That wasn't for your entire table?"

"No that was just for me." The waitress just stared at Alex.

"Um…okay what can I get for the rest of you?" The rest of Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship ordered, causing Alex and Charlie to get into a fight.

"Charlie eat more food!"

"But I'm not that hungry." Alex looked at the waitress.

"She'll have the Saint and Sinner dinner, with a side of chicken and rice."

"No I won't." Charlie looked at Alex. "Not everyone eats the same amount as a small country."

"That's why I'm so tall." 'Sai' looked between the bickering girls.

"Lady Alex is only looking out for your best interest Miss Charlie. You should be glad to have such a splendid and caring friend."

"See!" Anko stared between Alex and 'Sai' confused.

"Sai when did you start addressing Alex as lady, when did you start defending her?"

"Uh…" Charlie jumped in hurriedly.

"It's Alex's birthday!!" Anko gasped.

"Really?" Alex looked at Charlie.

"Really?" Charlie nodded excitedly.

"Yes, that's why Sai is being so nice." She gave Lee a meaningful look.

"Umm, yes that's right." Anko looked ecstatic.

"That's fantastic! Waiter! Margaritas over here please!" Charlie sighed in relief as Anko and Alex chatted happily over birthday things. One bullet dodged. Lee looked at Charlie.

"What gift would be appropriate to give Lady Alex for her birthday?"

"It's not actually Alex's birthday."

"It's not?"

"No that was a lie."

"But Lady Alex will be crushed. How could you lie about such a thing?" Charlie sighed, she wasn't going to deal with this.

"You know what, it actually is her birthday. You should get her a gift that brings out her youthfulness." Lee beamed and pulled out a green jumpsuit before presenting it to Alex. Charlie sighed again, she was not going to give Alex anything when her actual birthday came around. Just then the waiter came by with their meals and margaritas. Three of them alone wheeled in Alex's meal, which took up more than half the table. Anko started happily on her margarita, with Alex following her lead. Charlie blinked.

"Hey, where's mine?" Anko blinked.

"Well you're not old enough yet are you? Since it's Alex's birthday, that means she can drink." Charlie blinked in shock before scowling and stealing Lee's margarita and downing it. Unbeknownst to all of them, she just saved all their lives. Lee simply shrugged and grabbed some water.

With Kisame….

"Target in sight. Don't worry Lambchop you won't miss dinner. I'll take you out and you'll be the main focus of mine." Kisame looked down from his vantage point and spied on Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship, paying particular attention to the redhead sitting between the brunette and black haired children.

He took off his cloak and strapped on his harness and attached it to the side of the roof. He leaned over the edge which was conveniently right over their table and put on his sunglasses, posing momentarily to check himself out in a conveniently placed mirror before getting serious. He leaned over the edge and began lowering himself into the restaurant, right over Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship's table.

Back with Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship…

"Jeeze Alex did you get enough food?" Anko, who was currently surrounded by ten empty margarita glasses, and more kept on coming, looked at Charlie and began to give her a drunken lecture.

"Charlie is Alex's birthday she can eat as mush if she wants tos." Alex smirked at Charlie before she started eating her soup again. She was about to eat another spoonful, when she noticed the reflection in her spoon. She looked up, a large blue shape was coming down from the ceiling. Shit he was coming to eat her! Again! Alex quickly tried to get Charlie's attention.

"So Sai how about them Nicks?"

"Huh?"

"You know, the basketball team? Basket ball? Oh okay well you see it's a game played with- not now Alex I'm explaining basketball- five men teams- Alex knock it off!- the object of the game-"

Alex did not get a chance to try and get Charlie's attention again, as Kisame lowered himself down and grabbed her. She never had a chance.

Nearby, an old couple stared as a large blue man in sunglasses subdued a foreign girl and pulled himself back up on the roof. They blinked and went back to their food.

"No no Sai, you dribble then shoot, otherwise you'll foul, that's called a travel. Alex knows, she played basketball, tell him Alex." She both turned to where Alex had been sitting. "Alex? Huh that's strange. I wonder where she went…." Suddenly, Charlie jumped to her feet and walked around the table to Alex's food. "Something's wrong!"

"Huh, how do you know?"

"Alex's food has been left. She must have been kidnapped. The perpetrator must have bound her hands and feet."

"How do you know this?"

"She left her food." Charlie placed her hand over Alex's untouched food. "It's still warm. She hasn't been gone long. Lee we need to form a task force and retrieve Alex!" Anko looked up from her thirteenth margarita and questioned Charlie.

"Huh, Lee? That's Sai, and what do you mean Alex is gone? Is her birthday!" Charlie, thinking quickly, decided it would be best to keep Anko from knowing anything. She grabbed a large flowered sun hat off a woman sitting next to them.

"Anko-sensei I got you a present!"

"Oh it's lovely! Thank you maggot." Anko took the hat from Charlie and put it on, completely forgetting everything else."

"Oh Anko-sensei it looks so good on you I'm going to find a camera and take a picture of you. Come on Sai!" Charlie grabbed Lee and dragged him outside the restaurant.

"Okay Lee I'll take the west side of the village and you take the east. Remember she's going to be hungry, so listen for her stomach. It's loud and you'll think it's a monster. Leave no stone unturned. We'll meet back here in two hours." Lee nodded as they both went their separate ways in order to save Alex from a fate worse then death.

Not far Away….

"Mufmsdnbleks….." Kisame looked up.

"What's that Lambchop, can't hear you.." He lifted up her gag for a second.

"You can't eat me, I have AIDS!!" Kisame blinked.

"Okay!" Alex stared and he put the gag back on her, before turning and frowning.

"Hmmm, this isn't going to work, we'll have to take this party elsewhere." He turned to smirk at Alex, his sunglasses glinting. "Don't worry baby you're gonna get hot tonight. Papa likes 'em well done." Alex proceeded to scream bloody murder.

"OH GOD A SHARKS GONNA EAT ME!!!!! I KNEW IT!!!!! DAMN YOU JAWS!!!" In all of her screaming and thrashing around Alex ended up knocking over a trash can with her head. Kisame saw this, and put her down. He walked over and started picking up all the trash and putting it back into the can. Alex got an idea. Kisame walked over to her and picked her up. Alex then enacted her plan, and threw a piece of paper in front of Kisame. He bent down to pick it up and throw it away. He stood up again and Alex repeated the action. Kisame once again bent down to pick up the trash. Alex smiled. This could work.

"Lady Alex are you in here??!" Lee burst into the bar, startling all the drunks and knocking over a table. Everyone stared at him. Lee blinked. He walked over to the bartender. "Excuse me, but have you seen a suspicious looking man carrying an unconscious red headed girl?" The bartender stared at him, before turning around and grabbing a bottle off the shelf.

"Afraid not. Sorry son, that's sounds like a sad story just waiting to be told. Here, have some of this, on the house." Lee blinked.

"How kind of you, if you see them, could you let me know?" The bartender nodded, before turning away. Without looking at what it was, Lee downed the glass. Suddenly his eyes glazed over and he began to stumble around. A man came up behind Lee to see if he was alright, unfortunately for the man Lee turned around and head-butted him. He then proceeded to do the worm and left the bar.

With Charlie…

"Alex! Alex! Shit this isn't going to work." Charlie then decided to try a different approach. She put her ear to the ground and listened. "She was here. To the left!" Charlie then got up and without looking ran straight into a man. She blinked and looked up.

"Sasuke is that you?" Itachi squinted at the person, trying to figure out who was calling his brothers name. If his brother was here, he would have already attacked him. "Oh Sasuke, Alex is missing help me find her." Itachi blinked as he was lead away. Who the heck was Alex?

"Well Lambchop, in you go." Alex stared.

"But I didn't bring my shampoo."

"It's okay I like 'em dirty, brings out the flavor." Alex blinked, and screamed again. He grinned and threw her in. Just then, Charlie came barreling around the corner.

"Captain Planet! I knew I sensed you nearby, I need your help, we must find Alex." A gurgle was heard and Alex resurfaced. "Alex! Good job Captain Planet, you work quickly." Charlie stared at Alex. "Alex why are you in a giant pot?"

"He tried to eat me!"

"Who?"

"Him!" Alex pointed dramatically at Kisame.

"Oh Alex you must be suffering from some form of trauma, that's Captain Planet."

"He tried to eat me!" Kisame walked up to Alex and grinned, showing off all of his teeth.

"Oh dear Lambchop you must be suffering from some sort of trauma. Come on I'll take care of you." Alex started to scream again when Kisame picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. Charlie looked up at Kisame with adoring eyes.

"Captain Planet not only do you fight pollution you take care of my mentally deprived friend. You're a true hero." Suddenly, Itachi walked up to a nearby tree and began talking to it.

"Kisame is that you?"

"Over here."

"Oh." He walked over to Kisame and squinted.

"What are you doing?" He squinted. "You should get a room for that." Alex was currently thrashing around, trying to escape, causing Itachi to think something a little different.

"I know but Lambchop won't cooperate and I was forced to take her behind a tree."

"I see."

"Sasuke you know Captain Planet?"

"I'm not Sasuke." Just then Lee barreled through the fence, heading straight for them. Kisame moved to the side with Alex, while Lee sprawled on the ground. He swayed to his feet and faced Kisame.

"I'm loooooooking for my lost princesssssss…..have you seen her?" He swayed and Kisame hurriedly covered up Alex.

"No, none of those here, go look somewhere else." Charlie instantly recognized Lee.

"Lee look who I found! It's Sasuke! And Alex! And Captain Planet!"

"YOSH!" Lee then started swaying precariously and suddenly turned to Itachi, who was squinting at him. He leapt toward him and tried to bash his head in, Itachi dodging at the last second. While Lee tried to hit Itachi, Kisame was carrying Alex away, while Charlie yelled after him. Just then Lee flew by, hitting Kisame in the back, sending him and Alex flying. Lee leapt up and caught Alex, while Kisame kept on flying.

"This isn't the end Lambchop! I'll be back for you!" He flew out of sight. Lee dropped Alex on the ground and she stood up, shivering. Itachi walked around blindly.

"Kisame? Kisame?" He walked around, calling for Kisame. The trio blinked, or in Lee's case danced around drunkenly, and began walking away from him.

"Sasuke, Captain Planet flew off into the night to save the world from pollution! You must aid him in his quest! Go Sasuke, go!" Itachi walked away. Charlie looked away from Sasuke and saw Lee drunkenly beating up a pole. She looked at Alex.

"Well now what? Wait Alex what are you doing? Put your pants back on!"

"But they're wet." Just then Lee broke out of his drunken stupor and rushed over to Alex.

"Lady Alex you cannot remove your clothing it isn't proper."

"But I don't like wearing wet things."

"Then I will give you my pants." Lee began taking off his pants until the girls stopped him.

"NO!"

"But Lady Alex you said-"

"Oh don't worry Lee. I've got…" Alex looked around trying to find something to make clothing from, when she spotted a palm tree. "These!" Alex then began to fashion a skirt from palm leaves. She put on her palm tree skirt and posed proudly.

"You look like a hula dancer." Alex grinned.

"You're just jealous because you can't make clothing out of leaves!" Charlie rolled her eyes. They began walking back on the main street, heading toward their inn, when Anko drunkenly stumbled out of the restaurant.

"There you guys are….I thooought you gots lost…" They stared at Anko, who was wearing the flowered sunhat Charlie had given her earlier. "Come on, let's gooooo to bed…." She passed out on the street, Charlie and Alex staring at her. They looked at each other and shrugged, before hauling her up and dragging her to their inn. If getting to the Village Hidden in the Sand was this much of an adventure, god only knows what would happen when they got there. Those damn vests better be worth it.


	14. Alex Falls in Love

A/N: OC's will be appearing in the next chapter, though we made a couple references in this one. Do not despair! Review and tell us what you think!

RAFT tip of the day: When creepy hairy men stalk you, don't feel bad. At least he's not blue and trying to eat you.

**Alex Falls in Love….**

A few days later…..

"Is that it Anko-sensei?" Alex and Charlie pointed ahead to a large village appearing in the distance.

"Sure is maggots. Welcome to the sand village." The two girls stared ahead.

"It's just sand castles! Everyone lives in giant sand castles! What happens when it rains? Wouldn't it wash away everyone's houses? They must live in constant fear of flash floods!"

"Alex they live in a desert."

"Good thing too! Poor sand castle dwellers." They came up to the gates of the village and was stopped by the guard.

"Halt! State your business here." Anko marched up to him.

"I'm here to enter my team in the chuunin exams!" She gestured to the girls and Lee. "Here's our identification." She showed the man some papers, but he wasn't listening. The entire time Anko had been talking he had been staring at her drooling. Anko blinked as he smiled goofily and, shrugging, gestured for the others to follow her. Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship strolled down the streets of the sand village, getting odd looks as they passed. Half naked ninjas from the leaf where not a common sight.

"Alright listen up maggots we have to get you registered and ready for the exams." Charlie started waving her hand and jumping up and down. "Yes, Charlie what is it?"

"Anko-sensei how come ninjas take so many tests? I never had to take a test to be a pira- baker, I never had to take a test to be a baker." Anko gave her an odd look.

"Well a lot more goes into being a ninja doesn't it? So you need more tests to make sure we're not putting incompetent people in charge of protecting other people's lives." The girls blinked and Anko started off down the street again. They walked up to a large building and followed her inside. Inside was a long table set up with ninja lined up taking names and marking down which village they were from. Anko seemed to have spotted someone she knew.

"Ebisu! Ebisu! Over here!" Anko ran up to a man dressed in all black with sunglasses and a bandana. He turned around and jumped.

"Anko? What are you---what are you doing here? Wearing that?" Anko blinked.

"What do you mean? I'm here with my team, they're entering the chuunin exams, same as yours." The girls and Lee came and stood with Anko. Ebisu stuttered.

"I see. Umm, that's very…..Nice! That's very nice!" He suddenly grabbed his nose and turned around, being faced by three girls in bikinis was kind of startling, especially when one of them was Anko. She simply looked confused.

"Gee Ebisu you're weirder than usual today. But you better tell your team to watch out, mine's gonna kick ass!" He laughed uneasily and began inching away.

"Sure Anko, whatever you say, if people can stop staring at them long enough to throw a punch…then again, I suppose that could be an effective strategy….." He walked away from them, still holding his nose. Suddenly a boy appeared out of nowhere wearing a long scarf followed by a nerd wearing glasses and a girl with hair that defied gravity.

"Ebisu-sensei is something wrong with your nose? Hey are you two from the leaf village?" Konohamaru pointed at Alex and Charlie. "Sensei are these the two funny foreign girls?" Konohamaru pulled Ebisu around so that he was now facing Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship, sporting a nose-bleed for all to see. Konohamaru grinned. "Oh I see now….you found the pretty ladies sensei, but why are you guys in your swimsuits?" Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship looked at each other.

"Why not?" He blinked.

"Uhh, okay, I guess if you want to walk around in your skimmies that's up to you…but now my sensei's gonna die from blood loss!" He laughed and slapped Ebisu on the back, sending him to the floor. "Heh, oops." Suddenly Charlie pointed at Moegi.

"How the heck do you make your hair do that? Industrial strength hairspray?" Moegi looked insulted.

"No! It's natural." She posed and Charlie gave her a weird look.

"Okay little girl….weirdo." She turned around to face Alex and they both snickered. Konohamaru frowned.

"Hey, don't be getting cocky now! We may be from the same village but in this we are enemies. And don't think I'll go easy on you just cause you're girls!" Charlie and Alex looked at each other, then walked over to him. Alex walked over and leaned on him while Charlie came to stand in front of him. He looked down at her, then up at Alex. Suddenly both the girls started talking at once.

"Don't think we're gonna go easy on you cause you're a boy."

"Boys make better ninjas then girls!"

"They do not. You can't easily sneak into a place, and seduce the enemy to gather information, you can't take an enemy by surprise, or store extra weapons in your bra, girls can multi-task a thousand times better, and think of better strategies. What can boys do?"

"Boys are stronger!"

"When it comes to ninjutsu strategy is more important then strength."

"Is not!"

"Is too! You can have all the strength in the world, but if you don't know how and when to use it, it won't do you any good." The others watched on uneasily while Konohamaru and Charlie and Alex argued violently.

"Your Hokage is a girl dimwit!" With that, both girls whacked him upside the head and went to stand next to Lee and Anko. Konohamaru groaned and stood up.

"Foreign girls are mean! You better hope we don't have to fight later or you're gonna regret it!" With that, his team walked away. Anko stared after them for a moment, before slapping Alex and Charlie on the back.

"Way to go girls! That'll teach him. Kids always been hard to deal with, being the 3rd's grandson and all…." She trailed off and lead them up to one of the registration tables, where someone very familiar was standing.

"Shikamaru!!!!" Alex and Charlie leapt on him, all three of them falling to the ground. He groaned. "Shikamaru you came to cheer us on! Oh you're such a good friend! Sai look who came to cheer us on!" Charlie and Alex then presented the costumed Lee to Shikamaru, who did nothing but stare.

"Lee?"

"Um hello Shikamaru."

"What are you doing here? You already passed the test. Why are you half naked?" Suddenly the girls jumped in.

"Sai here has taken on a new appearance. He does kind of look like Lee huh? But no this is **Sai**." Charlie stressed giving Shikamaru a look that said 'Say anything and you won't be able to have children.'

"Sai's half naked because it's too hot here to not be in bathing suits, besides all this sand means the ocean is close. We're gonna go swimming." Shikamaru could've corrected Alex and exposed Lee, but he decided that it would take too much effort.

"Just sign here."

"Okay!" Alex bent over the table and signed her name, then moved to the side so that Charlie could sign hers. Shikamaru blinked.

"What is this?"

"Our signatures."

"They look weird. You're gonna have to sign in kanji."

"They do not! And I don't know what kanji is." Shikamaru sighed.

"Right, whatever, different alphabets. I'll write out your names in katakana later." Charlie and Alex, having no idea what he just said, simply nodded dumbly. The girls turned around and slammed into another person, yet again. They grumbled angrily and stalked off. Charlie stared after them.

"That ninja had a feather in his hair." Alex blinked.

"Huh. Weird." They waited for Lee to sign Sai's name and then followed Anko to the hotel. After dropping off their things Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship decided to explore the village.

"Alright maggots I'm going to meet up with an old friend. You are free to explore the village, remember to meet at the building you signed up at tomorrow at nine o'clock." 'Sai' and the girls took off while Anko walked away and found her 'friend.'

"Well hello Baki, you're looking mighty fine. I bet you would look better at my hotel room." Baki didn't say anything but just linked arms with Anko before walking away.

"Nice hat."

Just down the street, Lee, Charlie, and Alex walked through the village, admiring the sand castle-ness of all the buildings and wondering why nobody else was wearing swimsuits like they were. It was hot! Lee lead them past a very large building with a kanji symbol on it with a blue background, similar to the fire emblem on Hokage tower. While the girls stared in awe at the mightiest sand castle of them all, Lee gasped.

"Gaara-san! It is very good to see you again!!" Charlie blinked and ran over to Lee, who had run over to a strange man in white and blue robes and was shaking his hand.

"No **SAI**, what are you talking about? You've never been here before…ha ha…." Charlie laughed nervously and pulled Lee away from the very scary looking man before he gave away his identity. Lee looked at her.

"Yes I have. I fought him in my chuunin exams. He almost killed me, but we are friends now." Lee beamed happily at the man, then turned and gave a thumbs up to Charlie. She sighed.

"Shit, we're gonna have to go over the whole secret identity thing again, come on, let's go back to the hotel. Alex, we're leaving. Alex?" She turned back to Alex, who had not moved and was staring with wide eyes at Gaara. He stared back. Charlie looked between the two nervously, before pulling Lee farther back. Alex walked slowly toward him, before stopping in front of him. Gaara stared back, curious as to why she was staring at him, and because he had never seen a foreigner before. He looked at her hit-aite bearing the leaf symbol, and decided that she was not a threat. If she was from the leaf village, then she was probably here for the chuunin exams.

"Alex, oh, look over there, it's a chocolate cake! You love your chocolate, yes you do…Alex? Alex?" Alex took Gaara's hand, and began to lead him away. His guards panicked.

"Hey, come back here!" They ran after them and pulled Alex from Gaara, who just stared at her. She blinked as his guards lead him away, and stood forlorn in the street. Charlie sighed and walked over to her.

"Come on Alex, I need to get you and Lee back to the hotel before you get us arrested." Alex just shook her head, never taking her eyes off Gaara. "No Alex we need to go. Sorry she is suffering from heat stroke. Sai! Get over here and help me!" Lee walked over and grabbed Alex, swinging her on to his back. Gaara stared at Lee, why was he half dressed with these odd foreign girls? Why did that one keep staring at him? "Okay Sai time to go." Lee started carrying Alex away, with her still staring wide eyed at Gaara.

Later that night, Charlie was attempting to break Alex out of her comatose state of being.

"Alex when I snap my fingers you will return to normal." SNAP. "Well damn that works in the movies. Shit we can't have a comatose teammate, I'm getting me one of those vests god-dammit! Okay Alex you're not going to impress the funny redheaded man by kidnapping him. You have to fight really well and win this competition, and then he will fall in love with you and you two can build sandcastles forever."

"Really?" Charlie looked at Alex. It really would be a horrible thing to lie directly to a friend, but she was going to win dammit all!

"Yes, he will." Alex's eyes shone and she stared dreamily out the window. Well, that was a start…

"Here, drink this." She handed her some sake and sat back against the wall. "Now all we have to do is decide who sleeps on the floor." The three of them surveyed the room with two beds and turned to the wall that separated their room from Anko's. A thump was heard. Okay, so not happening.

"I will take the floor, you two may sleep in the beds." Charlie turned to Lee.

"Lee that's mighty nice of you, but chances are we'll need you well rested to bail us out if Alex isn't fixed by morning. One of us is going to have to steal the other bed in Anko's room, it will be the most dangerous mission ever embarked upon, and the person may never come back the same, but it must be done."

"I will go!" Charlie looked at Lee, then back at Alex who was still in a daze.

"No Lee I have a better idea. Alex did you know that Gaara is really impressed when people can sneak into hotel rooms and steal unused beds without getting caught?"

"Really?"

"Oh yes you should go and steal a bed and bring it back here. I'll tell Gaara in the morning so that he won't think you've got a big head or anything."

"Okay." Alex raced out of their room and went to steal another bed.

"That wasn't a very nice thing to do." Charlie shrugged.

"Beats sleeping on the floor." Just then a shout was heard, followed by a loud crash. The two of them looked nervously at the door, before it slid open. Alex threw the bed into the room and shut the door. Unfortunately, it was occupied.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing! If you think kidnapping me will give you an advantage you've got something else coming! You----" Konohamaru stopped mid-sentence as Alex jumped into the bed with him and pulled the covers over her head. He mouthed wordlessly. Charlie slapped a hand to her forehead.

"I said unoccupied Alex." She pushed Konohamaru off the bed.

"What happened to your friend?"

"She saw a pretty boy." Konohamaru sat speechless. Foreign girls were so weird.

"Alright kiddo out of our room we're going to sleep."

"Hey I'm not a kid, and this is my bed!"

"Look I don't care, but I can't convince Alex to steal two beds, I'm not going into Anko-sensei's room, and I'm older then you, therefore I am right." Charlie chased Konohamaru out of the room and shut the door in his face before going to bed.

The Next Morning….

"Guys wake up, we have to go in an hour…." Charlie shook Lee awake and went over to Alex, who was in a lump under all the covers on her stolen bed. "Alex wake up, we have to take the test and get cool vests….and Gaara will be there…." Alex shot up and began rifling through her pack, looking for clothes. She pulled out a new bikini and threw one at Charlie. Both girls started taking off their clothes, forgetting Lee was in the room.

"AH!" The girls turned and looked at Lee, who was covering his eyes and stumbling around the room, unfortunately the window was open and Lee fell out. A loud crash was heard. Both girls rushed over and leaned out the window to see a fallen Lee at the feet of Shikamaru.

"Uh, could you toss him up here?" Shikamaru sighed and picked up Lee, who had just recovered. Lee then panicked when he realized Alex and Charlie were leaning out of a window with only a sheet as covering. He ran up to the room, pulling both girls back, locking the window and pulling the curtain, before excusing himself. Shikamaru had not moved from his spot on the street. He sighed and shook his head, before walking away.

"Troublesome female foreigners."

Later at the Exam Building…

"Shit we're late!"

"Which room were we supposed to go to?"

"The one with all the ninjas in it."

"No shit. Oh it's the leaf boy! Yo Leafy come here!" Alex ran up to Konohamaru and grabbed him by the scarf. "Where are we supposed to go?"

"You don't know that? What kind of ninja are you?" Just as Alex and Konohamaru were about to get into another fight, Lee found the room.

"Lady Alex it is this one."

"Oh good." Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship epically pushed the doors open and walked into the room, unfortunately when they opened the door, they ended up slamming it into someone.

"Ow!" They blinked as they saw a girl fall to the floor next to a very large wolf, which was growling at them…..

"Oh, fetch boy!" Charlie threw a dog biscuit in the other direction and the wolf scampered off, knocking people over along the way. The girl got up and stared at them, before walking away, calling for her wolf. Alex looked at Charlie.

"Dude you just knocked over a blind chick. So not cool." Charlie shrugged.

"Then she shouldn't be standing in front of the door! What the heck are we supposed to do now? And why is everyone staring at us like we forgot our clothes or something?" Konohamaru looked over at her.

"That's because you're not wearing clothes, you're just wearing swimsuits! Not to mention you're weird foreign girls with funny eyes…." Alex picked him up by his scarf.

"Oh yeah? Well I could say that you have funny eyes too, but you won't see me being racist!"

"Lady Alex please, we are making a scene." Most of the people in the room were now staring at them, not only because they were wearing so little clothing, but because they thought Alex was going to beat up Konohamaru, and by the look of a lot of them, they looked bloodthirsty. Charlie suddenly spoke up.

"Hello other ninjas we will be competing against! I am Charlie, goddess of love and beauty, defender of the weak, and protector of the world! And guess what I'm gonna get me one of those damn vests, so you all can just suck it! Boo-yah bitches!" Then Alex decided to also introduce herself.

"I am Alejandra de la Vega, princess of the moon kingdom, saver of damsels in distress, and foe to all things evil in the world. You better watch out for my pink glitter and sparkles, cause I'm gonna kick your ass!" The two girls posed epically, while every other ninja in the room stared at them like they were crazy. Just then an exam proctor walked in.

"Alright everyone, if you will follow me, the written part of the exam will begin now." He looked strangely at the two girls, before standing back so that everyone could enter the exam room and sit at their assigned seats. Alex and Charlie circled the room before going over to the proctor.

"Hey, where's our names?" He growled.

"Everyone's names are by their seats, now sit down!" Alex shook her head and pouted.

"But I don't spell my name like that, Shikamaru changed it and he didn't tell me how." She stared at him with a sad face and leaned toward him hopefully. He fidgeted uncomfortably.

"Fine! You're those foreigners we were warned about, your seats are over here." He led Charlie to a desk next to the window, and Alex over by a girl with purple hair. "Alright there will be ten questions. You will score as a group, so that if one of you fails all of you fail. Is that clear? Begin!"

Charlie looked down at her paper and panicked. She couldn't read any of this. Okay that symbol looked like a window, and that one looked like a tree, so the question must have been if trees grew from windows. No they do not. Moving on…..

"Umm, excuse me…" Alex had walked over to one of the chuunin stationed around the room. She sat next to him. "I hate to be a bother, but I can't read any of this, do you think you could help me?" She leaned toward him with a smile on her face. He blushed.

"Well, I'm not supposed to---"

"Please? How can I answer the questions if I don't know what they say?" By now most of the people in the room were staring at her open mouthed, Charlie included.

"Damn, why didn't I think of that?" The chuunin looked around uncomfortably and then back at Alex, who was still smiling at him, in only a bikini and shorts. He caved.

"Well, okay, since you can't read it, I guess I can help…." He read the questions and helped her answer them while the other chuunin glared at him. It was against the rules but no one was going to stop the bikini clad foreign girl.

Charlie stopped glaring at Alex, that idea was taken she'd just have to think of something else. Looking out the window Charlie spotted a building with bright neon lights, with scantily clad women and old men surrounding it. Oh well she could use that. Charlie started copying everything from the building and poster and putting it on her paper.

One Hour Later…..

"Alright! Turn in your papers!" They passed their papers down the rows to the chuunin, who took them to the proctor. He left the room, leaving them all fidgeting nervously, except for Alex, who was chatting merrily with the chuunin who helped her cheat. The proctor came back in a few minutes later. He began announcing the teams that had to leave. Lee sat up straighter and looked over at Alex and Charlie, who both were talking loudly and obviously not paying attention. The proctor finished calling the numbers and the room was now half empty. He sighed in relief. He had not failed them! And apparently something Charlie put on her paper was right after all, as they all passed.

"You all pass." Charlie suddenly looked up.

"That was it? Awesome! Hand out the vests! I told you I would win!"

"Miss Charlie the exam is not over."

"It is to. He just said we passed. I want my fricking vest."

"Sit down! You've only just passed the first part, there are two other parts still."

"Oh." Charlie sat down with a sad look on her face.

"Now, I will introduce to you the proctor of the next part of the exam-----" Alex sat down next to Charlie and began chatting loudly again, until Alex suddenly stopped talking and paled, pointing to the front of the room. Charlie looked up to see a strange man in black with purple markings on his face, with what looked like a person in bandages on his back. Charlie shot forward with a yell.

"Watch out!!!" She flew and tackled the man to the floor.

"What are you doing?"

"There was a mummy right behind you! He was going to steal your organs, and eat you! You should thank me, first come the mummies then come the zombies!" The man stood up suddenly, causing Charlie to fall back to the floor. He laughed.

"Oh no, not a mummy. Much worse." Charlie paled. "But enough of that. I'm Kankurou and I will be guiding you through the next part of the exam." Charlie looked at him.

"What's that?"

"Survival testing. If you live, you pass."


	15. Sandstroke

Author Note: We are back! It has been a long month waiting for the next installment of The Doom of Konohagakure, but your wait is over. Enjoy heatstroke in the desert! Remember reviews are food for the souls, so nourish the authors' souls and review. Enjoy chapter 15.

RAFT tip of the day: If you are ever lost in a desert with a villain, disguise a cactus as you, with luck, the villain will succumb to heatstroke and mistake the cactus for you.

**Sandstroke**

"No Alex! Bad! Damn it Lee she's still doing it!" Lee looked back over the dune they had crossed back at Alex and Charlie. Alex was still trying to claw her way back to the Sand Village to be with Gaara. Charlie was currently dragging her by her feet, trying to get on with the survival test.

"Don't worry guys I can still see him." Alex was now holding a pair of binoculars staring at the village.

"Lady Alex, you must concentrate at the task at hand. The desert is a dangerous place; we must be on our guard at all times." He took her binoculars from her and grabbed her hand and led her over the dune, explaining that she couldn't be with Gaara until she finished the test. Charlie glared.

"Oh sure just leave me back here, yeah that's real nice. 'Oh Charlie you're such a great help.' Why thank you, yes, yes I am." She blinked when she noticed Lee and Alex staring at her. "What?"

"Umm, nothing. You feeling okay? Heatstroke got you yet? See any mirages?"

"Yeah I see a mirage, you two tap dancing to Chicago. You're the crazy one, not me! I almost miss Sai."

"No you don't Charlie Sai makes bad pancakes. Pancakes that try to kill us."

"Lady Alex pancakes cannot kill. Miss Charlie may I please have a drink?"

"A drink of what?"

"Do you not have the canteens?"

"Oh, um, yeah….those ones that you told me to fill with water? Yeah, funny story…."

"What do you mean?"

"Well I got a craving for popsicles, but when I put them in the mold it didn't freeze, so I threw them away."

"The popsicles?"

"Um everything."

"So we have no water now?"

"Charlie why?"

"You wouldn't be complaining if we had popsicles right now." Lee sighed.

"We will not last long in the desert without water. We have two choices. We can find another team, or find an outcropping of shaded rocks." They looked at him strangely. "If we dig there is a possibility we could find water."

"Okay then, onward!"

3 hours later…..

"Lady Alex, Miss Charlie how are you two doing?" Lee looked back at the girls, who seemed to be wearing eye patches and had parrots. Lee blinked and looked at them again, they were dressed normally. "I fear I am succumbing to heat stroke."

"Oh Mister Hatter I would love a spot of tea thank you." Lee looked at Charlie who was sitting on a rock having a tea party with a cactus. Lee looked over to Alex to see if she was alright.

"What a lovely spot for a swim." Lee saw Alex preparing to dive into the sand, and before he could stop her she was off. "Oh guys come in the water's fine!" Alex then proceeded to do the backstroke through the sand. This was not good.

"Do not worry! We will soon find water, we must find shade and rest before going on, and I will…..Gai-sensei?" There he was, waving at him from on top of a dune, giving him a thumbs up. Lee's eyes filled with tears. "Gai-sensei!!!" He ran over the top of the dune and out of sight, leaving Alex and Charlie.

"What did you say Mister Hatter? Really he's come to visit me? What a kind thing to do. If you'll excuse me I must be off. Good day." Charlie walked off in the opposite direction Lee went. "Oh don't worry Shino, I'll find you." Meanwhile Alex had found a pair of rocks, and believing them to be goggles, was now preparing for the hundred meter stroke.

"Alejandra takes to the board, she is aiming to beat her pervious time and take home the gold, and there's the start." Alex jumped back into the sand and started swimming.

Not too far away…..

"Okay, well we should go north, because---"

"No! The finish line is south! We have to go that way!"

"Guys, I don't think that's----"

"Hey, do you hear something?" They all stood silent for a second.

"Nah, I don't hear anything. Hey, do you think if we go this way…."

"Guys, why did it suddenly get shady?" Konohamaru, Moegi, and Udon turned around slowly, and looking up in the sky they saw a shape blocking out the sun. As the shape descended it was clearly a person. They attempted to get into a battle position, but it was too late.

"BILLY!!" The shape had landed on Konohamaru. "Billy why did you go? Oh Billy I didn't mean it!" Konohamaru struggled under the person before he noticed who it was.

"You're that crazy foreign girl! Get off me!"

"Billy why must you be like this?" Alex began sobbing into his shirt. He blinked in shock and looked toward Moegi and Udon, both who had identical looks on their faces.

"What the heck are you doing here? Go back to your team!"

"Billy why? We used to love each other! We used to go for long walks in the park after you took me canoeing and wrote me love sonnets!"

"I'm not Billy! Now go away!" Just then Alex caught sight of Udon and stopped talking.

"Is that her? Is that the woman you left me for? How could you? She is flat chested!" Alex grabbed Udon and held him next to her. "Is she prettier then me? Is that it?" Konohamaru looked flabbergasted.

"Well, wait, stop this! He's a boy!"

"Then what is it Billy?"

"I'm not Billy!"

"You needn't lie to me Billy! I see you are happier with her now! I bid you good day sir!" Alex then proceeded to jump on Moegi. "I'll just take my motorcycle back! And I'll be on my way!" Alex grabbed Moegi by the pig tails and used them as handle bars.

"Wait! What are you doing?"

"I said good day Billy!" Just then, Alex turned around and walked back to him. "I want the pink ones back." Konohamaru looked confused.

"The pink ones. You took them that one night we----"

"OKAY! THAT'S ENOUGH!!!" Udon threw his canteen of water on Alex.

"Hey where am I?" Both Moegi and Konohamaru were staring open-mouthed at Udon, while Alex was sopping wet."

"Did I take a bath? How did you find me? Where's my Sandcastle King?" She panicked and started looking around. Konohamaru grabbed her.

"Hey, you need to get back to your team; we can't have you hanging around with us!"

"You're not Charlie."

"No you idiot. I'm Konohamaru!"

"Oh where's my team?"

"I don't know you popped out of the sand and tackled me!"

"I see you have caused me to lose my team. Hm… you shall have to become my temporary team until I can locate Charlie and Lee."

"We will not be your team!"

"Come Temporary Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship! This way!" Alex started leading the way with Udon and Moegi following her. Konohamaru followed muttering about damn foreign girls.

With Charlie…

"Is it this way? Are you sure? Oh boy I've always wanted to see an oompa

loompa. Oh really? Well that's a very kind offer Mr. Wonka but I'm a ninja. Yes, yes it is hard." Just then she spotted something. "Excuse me Mr. Wonka; I'll be back in a jiffy!"

"Enemy approaching." The three girls looked up as a funny short foreign girl ran up to them and began shaking one of their hands.

"Kiba! Kiba, you must tell me, where is Shino? I saw him with George earlier, but they went swinging off into the jungle. Which way did they go?"

"We should eliminate her. This could be a trap." The blind girl beckoned to her wolf, but was cut off.

"Shino!!!" Charlie ran around the group with open arms, hugging a cactus. "I have found you!" The girls sweat dropped.

"Ummm, I think she's been out in the sun too long. Hey! Stop hugging that, you're going to get all prickly!"

"Shut up! You can't have him, he's my boyfriend!"

"Ayame that's not going to work, let's just leave her here." The tall girl frowned.

"Gee, are you sure?"

"We should keep moving."

"Yeah, Masai is right, come on, Kage will lead the way."

"Okay….good luck with your boyfriend!" She giggled as she and her team walked away, leaving Charlie to kiss a cactus.

With Lee…

"So this mask allows you to see through walls and genjutsu. That is very impressive." Lee was currently talking to a short ninja boy with a feather in his hair. The feathered ninja simply nodded at Lee, instead of actually talking. "I see. It was pleasant talking to you Kos, but I must find my team, have you seen a redheaded princess, and a short ninja in orange?" Kos stood still for a minute, before lowering his head to the ground, hearing the vibrations of the ground. He picked up a handful of sand and smelled it. He then pointed to his left. "Oh thank you. I look forward to fighting you." Kos nodded and walked away.

"I hope they are alright. Do not worry Lady Alex, I will find you!" With that he dashed away. He ran for a few miles, before something caught his eye. He blinked and jumped onto a rock, peering curiously. His eyes widened and he took off toward the horizon, the scenery changing to a sunset near an ocean while he ran. Suddenly…

"LADY ALEX!!!" He grabbed her and swung her around before hugging her and sobbing epically. Alex blinked.

"Petey? Oh Lee! I have found you! Wonderful! Good job Temporary Team Fuzzy Pink Friendship."

"We're not your temporary team."

"What did you say temporary Charlie?"

"I said we're-"

"No need to say you're welcome temporary Charlie. It is not needed. I can see by the look in your eyes that you are happy to have helped me."

"Lady Alex-" Alex suddenly put her hand up in order to quiet Lee.

"Hush 'Sai' evil is approaching."

"Lady Alex how do you know?"

"The moon has told me so."

"The sun's still up! How could the moon tell you anything?"

"Quiet temporary Charlie. Our enemies are coming."

"You stupid foreign girl nothing is going to attack-" Before Konohamaru could finish his sentence he was attacked from the back for the second time that day.

"I told you so." Lee looked around and noticed they were surrounded.

"Do as we tell you to or I will kill this one." A ninja was currently holding a kunai up to Konohamaru's throat.

"Well darn." Alex suddenly grabbed Udon and held a stick to his throat.

"Oh yeah, well if you move I'll kill **him.**" All the ninjas gasped and dropped Konohamaru, who grabbed Moegi and looked at Alex.

"Hey wait a second, that one's one of yours!" Alex gasped and dropped Udon.

"AHA! So you have seen through my clever plot! Well I say this to you!" She waved her stick threateningly at them, before it broke. "Awww."

"Bhahaha! You fools are screwed!" Lee stepped up, and moved Alex behind him.

"I'll take it from here Lady Alex."

"Hey, don't forget about us!" Konohamaru, Udon, and Moegi posed behind Lee.

"Bahahahah we have twice the ninjas you do! You fools will not live to see the end of this day." The battle was about to start, when off in the distance an odd sound was heard. Alex looked up confused.

"No way Anko-sensei said they didn't have them."

"Are you fools trying to scare us with your demon sounds it will do no good. Attac-" The poor ninja never got to finish his command because suddenly Charlie appeared from over a dune, careening in the sky and landing on him, in a…dune buggy? Yes, it was a dune buggy. Before anyone could move a muscle Charlie started driving her dune buggy running over all of the enemy ninjas. Beside her was seated the cactus she was hugging earlier.

"Hahahaha! Run my pretties! Run! All quake in fear of my awesome dune buggy, Ted! Drive Ted drive! What was that Shino? Oh thank you I almost missed him." Charlie then veered to the left and ran over the last remaining ninja that was trying to escape with his life, before stopping in front of Alex and everyone else.

"Yay! Charlie where did you find it?"

"Shino found it for me! Wasn't that nice of him?" She patted the cactus seated next to her, wearing a pair of sunglasses.

"What the heck is that thing?"

"Dune buggy. Hop in; Shino says he knows where we can get some ice cream nearby!"

"Uhh, Miss Charlie, I think you should drink some of this." He handed her his filled canteen, given to him by Kos, and watched as she sniffed it suspiciously, before shrugging and drinking.

"I say, Shino, would you like a drink? No? Alright then." She drank some more, before handing the canteen back to Lee. Everyone stared at her. There was no change. She blinked.

"Well, what are you waiting for? We don't have all day people." Alex just shrugged before moving 'Shino' and sitting in the front seat. Lee, having decided that if Lady Alex thought the odd contraption was safe, then it must be, also climbed into Ted. Udon and Moegi soon followed, leaving Konohamaru staring at the weird machine and everyone in it. Before he could state his opinion Alex grabbed him and tossed him in the back seat. Charlie then started the engine, she put on a pair of sunglasses and her driving scarf and drove off into the sunset with her dune buggy, Ted.

"How is it moving? What if we---"

"Konohamaru shut up."


	16. Shino's Desert Burial

RAFT tip of the day: Just say no.

**Shino's Desert Burial**

"We've been driving for almost two days……what is this thing running on?" Charlie blinked and looked back at Alex, Lee, Konohamaru, Udon, and Moegi, all squished into the back seat of the dune buggy, as cactus Shino had once again taken the passenger seat. Alex decided to sit on Konohamaru and splayed out, smacking Udon in the face with her foot. There was much complaining.

"If you keep yelling I'll kick you out of Ted."

"Charlie do you know where we're going?"

"No but Shino does." Alex looked over to see cactus Shino holding a map. When did he get that?

"So where are we going?"

"You're going to have to ask Shino. He's the navigator." Alex paused a moment before looking over to the cactus, known as Shino.

"Um…Shino where are we going?" The cactus did not answer. She sighed and turned to Lee. "Do you know where we're going?" But Lee had a weird look on his face and pointed to the front. Alex looked up to see a picture of the pyramids next to cactus Shino. What the?

"Um Charlie are we heading to the pyramids?"

"Of course Shino's never seen them before."

"You stupid foreign girl! We're supposed to be heading to the finish line! You'll cause us to fail! You and your stupid cactus!" Suddenly Charlie slammed on the brakes and everyone lurched forward. Charlie looked back with pure venom at Konohamaru.

"What did you say? Because I know you did not just insult Shino. Because if you did, I'm gonna have to tell him. And when Shino gets angry….people DIE!!!!" Konohamaru paled and shut his mouth. Charlie started the dune buggy again, and drove on, staring at Konohamaru, before finally turning around. He sighed in relief. Alex patted his head.

"There there funny haired boy, I've always wanted to see the pyramids too. Maybe they're super cool and amazing and we can take pictures." Konohamaru stared at her.

"Go sit on someone else now."

"Okay." She moved and sat on Udon instead, who stuttered nervously. She propped her legs up on Lee's shoulders and put on a pair of sunglasses. Just then, they hit a bump and the radio blared on, scaring everyone.

"Holy! What the heck?" Charlie gasped and switched it around, finding a station. She and Alex began singing loudly, with no clue what the words were. Alex started taking pictures as they were driving.

"Oh look over there! Smile!" Alex pointed to another group of ninjas, one with purple hair, another with a mask on and one with black hair.

"Oh Kos! It is good to see you again!" Lee started waving at the group of ninjas they were passing in their dune buggy, while Alex took their pictures. The trio of ninjas simply stared at the odd contraption and the leaf ninjas in it. Oh well everyone knew that leaf ninjas were the weird ones. "Do you know where the finish line is?" Kos nodded and pointed to the right. "Ah thank you. Miss Charlie please turn to the right."

"Okay." Charlie took a sharp turn to the right, causing Konohamaru to almost fly out of Ted.

The group had been driving for about five miles when they noticed the finish line coming up in the distance. Everyone appeared to be running around, to Charlie, it seemed obvious they were preparing the cake for when they reached the finish line.

"Alex get your binoculars and locate the cake."

"Right!" Alex saluted and began scanning the area for their victory cake. "Hm I don't see any cake. Everyone's putting stuff away and taking down their tents."

"Impossible we should still have two hours left! You stupid foreign girls made us fail!"

"Nuh uh!" But Lee held up his hand and Charlie stopped the dune buggy. They listened, and saw more ninjas run frantically past them. Their eyes widened when a roaring was heard behind them.

"Miss Charlie go!" Charlie started the dune buggy and stepped on the gas, just as the beginnings of a massive sand storm began behind them. Time slowed as the group sped toward the finish line, the wind blowing and a giant sand storm just behind them. Konohamaru screamed, Moegi ducked, Udon stared, Lee grabbed Alex, Alex grabbed cactus Shino, and, realizing that he was prickly, threw him out of the dune buggy. Charlie watched in horror as this happened.

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She quickly pulled a 180 and drove back to retrieve Shino. Alex quickly grabbed the wheel and attempted to turn it in the opposite direction.

"NO CHARLIE! YOU"LL KILL US ALL!"

"I DON"T CARE!! DON"T WORRY SHINO!!! I'M COMING FOR YOU!!!" The dune buggy did not actually go anywhere but instead spun around in a circle due to Charlie and Alex fighting over the steering wheel. Alex finally overpowered Charlie and pulled into the camp in front of the shelter. Lee grabbed Charlie by the shoulders and hauled her into the shelter as she saw cactus Shino being sucked up into the vortex of the sandstorm. "NOOO!!! SHINO!!!" Everyone ran inside, Lee helping another shinobi barricade the door. Everybody sighed and sat down, but Charlie stood in shock, staring at the door. Alex steered her over to a chair, where she sat, staring at the wall. Konohamaru and his team looked at them, before shrugging and leaving to find their sensei. Lee sat down with Alex.

"Umm, is she okay?" Alex nodded.

"Yep. Charlie look at this!" Alex grabbed her camera and turned it on, flipping to a picture of Shino. Lee stared at her.

"When did you get this?"

"I've had it all along."

"Oh. See Miss Charlie, this is Shino, he's back at Konoha." Charlie stared at the picture.

"That's what he looked like." Alex and Lee blinked.

"Umm yeah, see this is **not** Shino." She brought up a picture of the cactus. Charlie looked confused.

"I don't understand."

"You see Charlie the cactus and Shino were not the same person. The real Shino is safe in Konoha."

"They look the same."

"No Charlie one was a plant. Loving plants is bad. Real Shino is not a plant." Charlie blinked and opened her mouth, but before she could say anything, a bang was heard. Kankurou strode into the room, followed by two unfamiliar ninja. While they counted the teams that made it through, Lee and Alex took the opportunity to distract Charlie from her guilt by giving her a popsicle.

"Here you go Charlie. It's cherry." Charlie simply nodded before eating her popsicle.

"Alright teams, it appears you are the only ones that have lived past the desert survival exam. That means five teams died of dehydration or were lost in the sands." Alex looked around at the surviving teams, the ninja with a feather and his team survived, same with the wolf chick's team, and a few others. She blinked, wondering what they would have to do next. "Unfortunately, we must wait until we start the next part of the exam due to the sandstorm. So make yourselves comfortable, you're gonna be here for awhile." Charlie looked up suddenly.

"He's not coming back is he?"

"Ummm, no."

"I see. Then I know what I must do." Alex and Lee looked nervously at each other.

"What?"

"I'm going to need a few things first. Come on." Charlie started walking around and picking up AKA stealing things, such as a large umbrella, a beach ball, Kankurou's puppet, a podium, Kos's mask, and a green jumpsuit from Lee. Charlie started setting up her objects in the middle of the shelter ignoring everyone else, leaving Alex and Lee to get the dirty looks. She then grabbed a random ninjas black cloak and put it on. "Okay, Alex, come here." Charlie lead Alex over to a platform where Charlie had placed Lee's green jumpsuit. "You have to make sure no one disturbs the body."

"Um Charlie that's not, okay yeah no one will bother Shino." Charlie nodded and went to stand at the podium and began giving a speech.

"Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of a great ninja. He was the thirteenth man I loved, but on days he was like the first. He was a wonderful man, who simply wanted to see the pyramids. But alas that dream could not be fulfilled. He was taken far too early, but he will be missed. A moment of silence please." No one had said a word. They were trying to find out what the odd foreign girl was doing. "Thank you. You may all say your good-byes now." Charlie walked away from the podium, and went over to Lee's green jumpsuit. She hugged it and handed it to Alex, obviously expecting her to do the same. Alex pointed at Lee, then threw the jumpsuit over her shoulder while Charlie was distracted.

"Where did he go?"

"The afterlife. It's okay Charlie, he's in a better place."

"Disneyworld?" Alex blinked.

"Umm, sure. Yeah, Disneyworld is in the afterlife." Charlie sighed in relief.

"Good." She sniffled and walked away. Alex turned around and grabbed the jumpsuit off Kos's head and handed it back to Lee.

"What's Disneyworld?"

"A magical land where all your dreams come true."

"That sounds wonderful."

"Indeed it is run by a six-foot giant mouse, and a duck that doesn't wear pants." Lee opened his mouth, but decided against it.

"Never mind. Come, we must find someplace to spend the night."

Back in Konoha…..

"Mmmph!" Sai, was still hog tied in the gutter Charlie left him in, and was currently trying to free himself in order to kill his two teammates and take the chuunin exams.

"MMMPH!!" Who knew ninjas were never exposed to duck tape?

"_In the confusion of a smoke bomb, I could remove your bra and you wouldn't even notice_….._la la_…" Sai perked up considerably. He would recognize that moron's voice anywhere.

"MMMPH!" Naruto stopped and looked around.

"What are you doing here?" Naruto walked over to where Sai was tied and bent down and picked up a penny.

"Find a penny pick it up and all day you'll have good luck!" Naruto pocketed the penny and walked away, never once noticing Sai tied up two feet away.

Back in Suna….

Alex blinked sleepily as she watched the other sleeping occupants around the room, each team ironically, like theirs, having one person on watch at a time. Alex was currently having a staring contest with Kos across the room. It had been twenty minutes.

"Haha! You blinked!" Alex could not actually tell due to Kos's mask, but no one was there to call her on it. She proceeded to victory dance around the shelter, eventually dancing her way out of the room entirely. She blinked and looked back, then shrugged. Lee and Charlie could take care of themselves, or at least Lee could. She wandered the hallways aimlessly, until she saw a light under a crack in one of the doors. She walked toward it hesitantly, and grasped the handle. She gasped.

"She's here!" She walked inside.

The next day……

"Miss Charlie! Miss Charlie! Wake up please!"

"Uh no giant spider… don't take the cookies."

"Miss Charlie please wake up!"

"No, mommy I love flapjacks." Lee sighed and began shaking Charlie trying to wake her up.

"Miss Charlie, Lady Alex is missing! She could be in danger please wake up!" Charlie finally started coming around.

"Mmh, wha' Alex is missing? Oh don't worry she probably just got her hair caught in the blow dyer and doesn't want to let anyone know."

"What blow dryer? Miss Charlie there are no showers here." Charlie was now fully awake.

"No showers?! Oh god this isn't happening! But I spent three days in the desert. I have sand in places sand should never be! Quick Lee we have to go!"

"To find Lady Alex?"

"Uh yeah sure. You know the best place to look for her is the bathhouse I'll check there first."

"Oh good." They ran to the hallway.

"I'll go this way to find the bathhouse---I mean Alex…" Lee nodded and took off down the hallway.

"Lady Alex? Oh sorry." He began opening every door and looking inside, getting frantic. As he ran down the hallways, yelling for Alex, his imagination got the best of him. What if she was kidnapped? What if evil villains stole her youth, oh god…. Now incredibly stressed, he didn't notice when he was heading straight for someone. They leapt to the side and grabbed his shoulders, spinning him around.

"Lee." He gasped.

"Gaara-san! I need your help!"

"I have lost my princess! We must go and rescue her before something terrible happens!" Gaara nodded and followed him.

Not far away….

Alex blinked when what sounded like a stampede came down the hallway, coming closer to her. Her eyes widened when the door flew off its hinges.

"Lady Alex I have found you!" Lee ran up to Alex and hugged her as the sunset appeared behind them. "Are you injured Lady Alex? Lady Alex?" Alex had not said a word but was instead staring at Gaara, who was standing in the doorway. "Lady Alex you are in shock! Something truly terrible must have happened to you! I will take you to the hospital!" Lee threw Alex over his shoulder and began carrying Alex to the hospital. Alex never stopped staring at Gaara, and tried reaching out and grabbing him when Lee passed him. Gaara stared back at her. She was a princess? He watched as Lee walked away, her still reaching for him. His own hand twitched. He stared at it in surprise.

"Stick him in a hole with the captain's daughter, stick him in the----" It was at that moment that Charlie rounded the corner, singing and marching proudly in her towel on the way back from the hot springs. Her mouth dropped at the same time Lee's did. She could almost see his mind working. On one hand, Lady Alex could be injured and he needed to get her to a hospital, on the other, his other teammate was currently walking down the hallway practically naked. What would Gai-sensei do? It was at that moment that Shikamaru entered the hallway. His eyed flared.

"Gaara-san! Please watch my princess!" He handed Alex to Gaara and ran toward Shikamaru.

"What the---" He grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Forgive me Shikamaru!" With that, he pulled his shirt right off him and ran over to Charlie, who looked at him strangely.

"Umm, I can't just wear a shirt…" Lee gasped and ran back to Shikamaru.

"Hell no!" He stopped, held back by the shadow possession jutsu. He started to panic, as Charlie still had no pants and Lady Alex still needed to go to the hospital. He looked over as Alex was handing Gaara a picture she drew for him. Lee realized he had only one option left.

"Shikamaru please release me I will not take your pants." Lee was released and began removing his own pants before…

"NO!" Everyone in the hall yelled at the same time.

"But Miss Charlie needs pants and Lady Alex must see a medical-nin as soon as possible."

"Lee-um Sai I mean don't worry I've got it." Lee looked over at Charlie and rejoiced.

"Miss Charlie when did you acquire pants?"

"Just now some kid walked by in a funny mask, and I took his pants." Charlie then put on Shikamaru's shirt. Lee was about to take Alex to the hospital when he got a better look at Charlie. She was wearing no bra and Shikamaru's shirt had been mesh. Shikamaru suddenly appeared in front of her with his vest. Charlie's eyes widened. She grabbed the vest, put it on, and bolted. Everyone blinked. She ran out of the building and down the street.

"I got one! I got one! I win! See you losers! Bwahahahahahaha!!!!! I am the greatest ninja ever!" Shikamaru started chasing her down the street trying to bring her back, as she thought she just won the chuunin exams. Lee, Alex, and Gaara all stood there staring at Shikamaru chasing Charlie into the sunset.

"Do you think he'll catch her?" But alas, for Lee's words went unheeded as Alex handed Gaara a poem she wrote for him. Gaara stared at the odd piece of paper with scribbles all over it. What kind of language was this? Weren't princesses supposed to be educated? He looked at her, then back at the poem. Oh well.

_Will you ever know where Alex went? Will Charlie ever come back? Will Kos ever get his pants back? Review and tune in next time for the next installment of Alex and Charlie's Bogus Adventure! (Not actual title, no Keanu Reeves here. Sorry.)_


	17. AN INDIANA JONES INTERLUDE

A/N: Hello fellow fan fiction readers, good morrow and salutations. Welcome to the 17th installment of _The Doom of Konohagakure_. Yes, I can tell you are pleased. Do you know what makes us happy? REVIEWS! Come on people review and Zorro and I won't wither away and die from sadness. So give a hoot and review.

RAFT tip of the day: Don't trust Nazis. When in Egypt, Frenchmen might save you. Do not look directly at the Ark.

Sand Snares

"Troublesome girl. Get back here and give me back my vest!" Charlie was still running away from Shikamaru, trying to get away with his vest.

"No!" An hour ago Shikamaru had run out of chakra after attempting to capture Charlie, now he was just trying to stop her from running around in circles.

"If you don't come back you will fail the exams. I thought you wanted to be a chuunin." Charlie stopped at looked at him.

"No I just wanted the vest." Charlie took off running again, but Shikamaru threw a stick in her path, tripping her. "Ow."

"Come on." Shikamaru grabbed Charlie by the scruff of her neck and started dragging her back.

Meanwhile…….

"This is the original dining room built in the time of the first Kazekage for hosting foreign diplomats. Please, sit." Lee and Alex sat down at the long table, filled with other important Suna diplomats, most of them staring shamelessly at Alex, who stared shamelessly back.

"Lee, what----"

"So Miss Alex, I've heard a lot about you and your friend. Where exactly are you from?"

"A galaxy far, far away." They stared at her. Lee cleared his throat.

"What Lady Alex means is that she is a majestic princess from a kingdom far off on the moon. Her Royal Highness Alejandra de la Vega." Lee bowed to her and kissed her hand. The men from Suna stared at the half naked Leaf nin and the bikini clad foreign girl and wondered if they had been in the sun too long. Yes, that must be it.

"Dinner is served." Alex and Lee blinked as two servers placed platters in front of them. They blinked curiously and lifted the lids.

"Lee what is this?" Alex whispered.

"I don't know, it looks like fried brains."

"It is gizzard." They blanched.

"That's not much better." Lee tentatively began eating his, while Alex looked around the room, catching Gaara's eye at the head of the table. She stared at him dreamily for a minute before her stomach growled. She observed the dining room, looking for anything else to eat. She leaned her chair back to glimpse into the kitchen, when suddenly her elbow hit something. The wall opened up and Alex and her chair tumbled backward through it, before it closed behind her, just as they were serving dessert. Lee blinked.

"Lady Alex? Oh she must have went to the washroom."

Meanwhile with Charlie…

"Stay here I have to take care of some business before I can escort you back. Do not move!"

"Fine, fine geez. What it's not like I'm just gonna take off running." Shikamaru glowered at Charlie for a second before going into a back room of a building they were in. Charlie sighed and leaned back against the wall. At least Shikamaru let her keep the vest. Charlie leaned further back against the wall, before she noticed a ledge sticking out for her arm. She leaned her arm against it, and it started to move. What the? Charlie turned around and examined it. She pushed the ledge and the wall she was leaning on began to move in a circle. She was spun around and ended up in a creepy tunnel with lots of cobwebs.

"Ok let's go." Shikamaru walked back to find Charlie missing. Stupid girl took off again.

"Holy Shit!" Alex tumbled down a set of stone stairs into a torch-lit corridor, lying in a heap at the bottom. "Ow….what the hell?" She blinked and looked around, the walls were full of strange markings, and the corridor led off to the right. She blinked and shrugged. Oh well, it's not like she was eating or anything, maybe she'd find something cool!

"Hello! Anybody here!" Charlie was currently exploring the tunnel she stumbled upon. She walked into a pool of light and suddenly spears shot out from the wall. She screamed and jumped aside just in time. She rose and suddenly knew where she was. This must be where the mummy lives. Yes, it is booby-trapped, and well hidden. It must be where he lives. He was probably hiding out in the desert thinking no one would find him. But she would, and she was going to take him down. Charlie started walking again, this time carefully avoiding any booby-traps the mummy might have laid.

"You shall not escape me you dastardly fiend."

Meanwhile, Alex was walking down a similar dark corridor after having jumped over a deep pit.

"This is still better than salted gizzard. Oops." She had just put her foot down when the rock she had stepped on sank into the ground. Darts started shooting from the walls as Alex hit the deck and began carefully army crawling away from the shooting darts. "Dammit! Who fricking makes walls with shooting darts anyway? Stupid architects. Oo." She walked into a room with what appeared to be a large golden sandcastle in the center. She put her hand on it and was about to grab it when…

"Charlie?"

"Alex what are you doing here? You're not the mummy?"

"What am I doing here? What are you doing here?"

"Defeating the mummy and stealing his treasure." Both girls looked down at the golden sand castle they were holding onto. "Alex it's very nice of you to help me defeat the mummy, but you can let go of the sandcastle now."

"Like hell! I found it first!" Alex tried yanking the castle from Charlie, only to have her yank it back.

"No you didn't I did!"

"Let go!"

"You let go!" While they fought over the sandcastle, they pulled it off the podium, which sank into the ground. As they fought the walls began to cave in on them. They both looked up, then at each other. It was at that moment a large boulder burst from the wall behind them.

"SHIT!! RUN!!" The girls started running away from the giant boulder that was rolling after them, both of them still holding the golden sandcastle.

"THIS WAY!!!!!!!!!!!" They ran down the corridors, then burst through the entrance, temporarily blinded by the sun. The girls regained their sight and stared at the people in front of them, which happened to be Lee and Gaara. Just then the giant boulder burst through the wall above them. Lee sprang into action and punched the boulder in two. Alex and Charlie merely panted, staring at the crowd of diplomats and Gaara, who looked completely nonplussed. Alex suddenly yanked the sandcastle out of Charlie's hands and presented it to Gaara. One of the diplomats came up to Gaara and examined the sandcastle, stating that it was an ancient artifact that belonged in a museum. Gaara left with the diplomats leaving Alex staring at his retreating form. It was then that Charlie realized what happened.

"What the hell Alex! That was gold! Solid gold! That was our ticket to not living with Sai anymore! And you give it away to the first pretty redhead that catches your eye! Do you know what I could have bought with that?" Alex snapped out of her daze and turned to Charlie, glaring.

"What was that? Pretty redhead? PRETTY REDHEAD? He's not just some pretty redhead like Billy! He is beautiful and amazing and cool and beautiful and he is NOT JUST SOME PRETTY REDHEAD!!!" She began throwing kunai at Charlie, aiming for her head.

"SHIT! SHIKAMARU, START THE DUNE BUGGY!!!!!" Shikamaru turned.

"Ehhh?" Suddenly, Charlie ran by and grabbed him, running for Ted, Alex right on her tail. She threw Shikamaru in Ted and revved the engine, shooting off into the sunset. Alex shook her fist angrily.

"YOU'LL NEVER ESCAPE!!!!!"

"I JUST HAVE!!!!!" Shikamaru gaped at Ted.

"What the heck is this thing? Stupid troublesome FOREIGNERS!!!!!" Charlie swerved dangerously around a sand dune, almost throwing Shikamaru out. Alex stood shaking her fist at Charlie. Lee came up and stood next to her.

"Ya did good kid."

"What?"

"Lady Alex, now that you are safe we must go run off into the sunset!"

"But didn't you just say……"

"No."

"Okay." They stared off into the dust trail fading into the sunset before turning around and heading down the street.


End file.
